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Birther jokes contest

To start off the year 2010, I’m holding a contest for the best birther joke. The winner will be selected by thumbs up from visitors. I think knowledge of the birthers is widespread enough so that you can tell birther jokes and and others will “get it.”

Here’s a starter:

How many birthers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They don’t believe any of the bulbs are eligible.

I’m sure you folks can do much better.

75 Responses to Birther jokes contest

  1. avatar
    aarrgghh January 2, 2010 at 8:01 am #

    orly taitz.

    [rimshot]

  2. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 2, 2010 at 10:11 am #

    …Orly Taitz, which sounds awfully like an embarrassing medical condition,

    –Tuscaloosa News

  3. avatar
    MsDaisy January 2, 2010 at 10:32 am #

    Q: What swivels around, moves up and down, and has a sticky top?

    A: Orly’s dental chairs.

    (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

  4. avatar
    Mike January 2, 2010 at 10:59 am #

    Q: How many birthers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: None, they prefer being in the dark.

    Q: How many birthers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: None, lightbulbs are a Communist plot to destroy America!

  5. avatar
    misha January 2, 2010 at 12:13 pm #

    How many birthers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to explain how it is a liberal conspiracy to have them burn out in a month.

  6. avatar
    brygenon January 2, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

    When will America finally accept that Barack Obama is constitutionally ineligible to be President?

    January 20’th, 2017.

  7. avatar
    Scientist January 2, 2010 at 1:34 pm #

    How many birther lawyers does it take to win a case?

    Ha!ha!ha!ha! Now that’s funny!!!

  8. avatar
    theo January 2, 2010 at 2:00 pm #

    how many birthers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two.
    One to antagonize truth at every turn, decry victory in every defeat, misread or lie about truly epic proportions of settled case law going back hundreds of years, tie up our already overburdened court system with cackling idiocies, enjoy and exploit racism and fear for financial gain, instigate for violence towards elected public officials and root for a civil war while wating for the rapture.

    The other to screw in the lightbulb.

  9. avatar
    Welsh Dragon January 2, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

    What’s the difference between a birther and a plank of wood?

    – H’m, that’s a hard one. – Can I get back to you on that?

  10. avatar
    euphgeek January 2, 2010 at 3:11 pm #

    Here are a few that I found at an online forum:

    Q: How do you drive a Birther mad?
    A: Put him in the oval office and tell him the President’s Kenyan Birth Certificate is hidden in the corner.

    Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Birther wedding?
    A: He’s the guy wearing the CLEAN wifebeater.

    Q:What does it say on the bottom of Coke bottles sold in the South?
    A:”Open other end.”

    Q. What’s the solution to the Birther problem?
    A. Live ammo for Civil War reenactments.

    Q. Why did the Birther stare at the Orange Juice carton?
    A. Because it said “CONCENTRATE”.

    Q. What do you call 100 Birthers at the bottom of the ocean?
    A. A good start.

    I just had to take my Birther neighbor to the Hospital.
    He broke his leg when he tripped over his cordless phone.

    Q: What’s wrong with Birther jokes?
    A: Birthers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.

    And here’s a picture joke:

    http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/96833/original.jpg

  11. avatar
    aarrgghh January 2, 2010 at 4:03 pm #

    you just might be a birfer if …

    1) you think a clever alias for a stealth muslim is “barack hussein obama”.

    2) your boycott of hawaii doesn’t interrupt any of your plans.

    3) you prefer online grand juries ’cause it gets kinda stuffy under your white hood.

    4) you’re sure all birth certificates are printed in australia.

    5) you think the “white house” means exactly that.

    6) you think “dismissed without prejudice” means your case wasn’t racist enough.

    7) the deli counter guy asks “american or swiss?” and you say “vattel!”

    8) hawaii’s health dept has your phone number on call-blocking.

    9) you’re “damn shure” you’re a natural born citizen ‘cuz both your parents are brother n’ sister!

    10) you don’t believe everything you read on the internet — just the really friggin’ stupid stuff.

  12. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 2, 2010 at 5:25 pm #

    This is a personal favorite of mine.

  13. avatar
    milspec January 3, 2010 at 12:16 am #

    Going to be hard to top this aarrgghh, bravo.

  14. avatar
    MsDaisy January 3, 2010 at 6:52 am #

    Yes, well done aarrgghh! Very clever, and frighteningly true!

  15. avatar
    Greg January 3, 2010 at 5:24 pm #

    A constitutional scholar and a birther went for a walk in a meadow. As they walked, the scholar saw a dead crow lying on the ground.

    The scholar said, “Look, it’s a dead crow!”

    The birther looked skyward and asked, “Where?”
    ~~~~
    When “Oetzi” the famous glacier mummy was found in the Alps, archeologists and anthropologists were mystified by the riddle of Oetzi’s nature. The major question was, “How did he get under the ice fields?” A group of leading scholars delved into the mystery, and after intense study they reached a conclusion. Oetzi was a birther. How else could the glacier have caught up with him?

  16. avatar
    sarina January 3, 2010 at 8:16 pm #

    aarrgghh

    Hawaii health dept has your phone number on call blocking..

    This was great! I just laughed!

  17. avatar
    chufho January 3, 2010 at 10:14 pm #

    And the winner is:

    A friend of mine sent me a wonderful piece called “Catching the Wild Pig”. For those of you who have never heard this parable (and I hadn’t until now), here it is:

    A chemistry professor at a large college had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country’s government and install a new communist government.

    In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, ‘Do you know how to catch wild pigs?’ The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. ‘You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again.

    You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat; you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught.

    Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.
    LOL

  18. avatar
    aarrgghh January 3, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

    wait — there’s even more!

    there’s more:

    you just might be a birfer if …

    your lawyer takes payment in fillings.

    your team’s down 0-60 and you’re still betting.

    you think “usurper” is a quaint southern euphemism.

    susan herbert can count on your vote in 2012.

    you’re just now realizing bill o’reilly and ann coulter are idiots.

    you pray nightly for the usurper’s downfall — to the same god that ignored you on election day.

    you think it’s long past time we closed the border with hawaii.

    you learned a moving and historic lesson about democracy last year — from honduras.

    you won’t be satisfied ’til you see the death certificate.

  19. avatar
    Greg January 3, 2010 at 11:54 pm #

    Not really funny “ha-ha” as it is funny “why’d he post that here.”

    Is that what you were going for? Sort of an Andy Kaufman, “Is he really that dumb or is this performance art” thing?

  20. avatar
    brygenon January 4, 2010 at 3:46 am #

    aarrgghh: wait — there’s even more!

    there’s more:

    you just might be a birfer if …

    your lawyer takes payment in fillings.

    Yeah, well… smart of you to put the funny ones in your first post. That one still looks like a hard-to-beat winner.

    Just sayin’. Heck, I *so* should have left the limerick contest after my first.

  21. avatar
    aarrgghh January 4, 2010 at 6:50 am #

    brygenon just sayin:

    Yeah, well… smart of you to put the funny ones in your first post. That one still looks like a hard-to-beat winner.

    Just sayin’. Heck, I *so* should have left the limerick contest after my first.

    no need to worry. i’ve think i’ve run my course for the present.

    but i make no promises.

  22. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 4, 2010 at 11:24 am #

    And the parable is applicable because you think some of us have the intelligence of pigs?

  23. avatar
    sarina January 4, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

    I friend just email me this one:

    Orly Titz to birthers: ” Greetings!…I bring you good news!”

    Birthers:..”What is the good news?”

    Orly Titz:..”Greetings!”

    Birther:…”What are the Greetings?”

    Orly Titz:…”Good News!”

  24. avatar
    Benji Franklin January 4, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

    Auto-Biography of Charles Lincoln the nth:

    From Usurper to You-Slurp-Her: Taken In by Orly Taitz!

    Benji Franklin

  25. avatar
    Paul Pieniezny January 4, 2010 at 5:29 pm #

    When do you know you have been reading too many birther postings on the Internet?

    Answer: when you have acquired the habit of, very time you do not understand a posting, using Google translate to translate the posting into Russian and then back into English.

    And when do you know you really need to go cold turkey on birtherism (“naissancism”).

    Answer: when you start doing that Google translate thingie on trufer, fake moon landing and flat erth websites.

  26. avatar
    a guy January 4, 2010 at 5:48 pm #

    whats with the hating on Hawaii??

  27. avatar
    Lashannon Brown January 5, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

    The US as it was is finished as a country. It has been filed with the lies of the corrupt and have deceived many. The truly sad fact about the US is that many have bought into the lies and hold on to them as if their lives depended on them. They choose to believe the lies because they hope that those who support such depict will help them on their quest to transforming their own lives into what they have always wanted… the freedom from the guilt they feel imposed on them from those whom live their lives with decency and morality. An even sadder fact is that many have waxed cold and no longer feel the guilt and shame of their ways and have now begun calling wrong right and right wrong. Let the faceless name calling begin.

  28. avatar
    aarrgghh January 5, 2010 at 6:24 pm #

    your complaint suffers from being so generalized that anyone could level it at anyone else, and has probably been countless time in human history. i can’t imagine many disagreeing with it, but all would have their own ideas of who “they” are, what “lies” “they” are telling and who is being “deceived”. it brings up an image of a group of people nodding “so true!” while pointing fingers at each other.

    my own mother rails against “them” all the time, as if i’m supposed to know who’s she talking about each time …

  29. avatar
    NbC January 5, 2010 at 6:31 pm #

    I felt the same during the Bush administration only to realize that with a new administration, things look much better.

  30. avatar
    SFJeff January 5, 2010 at 7:42 pm #

    How do we know that you aren’t lieing?

  31. avatar
    Expelliarmus January 5, 2010 at 8:07 pm #

    You mean the US as a bastion of white privilege?

  32. avatar
    theo January 5, 2010 at 9:20 pm #

    shamoo, dogpie….bananapatch TUBESOCK!

    See, I’m smrt too.

  33. avatar
    TRUTH January 5, 2010 at 9:45 pm #

    Q: How many Birthers does it take to be as kewl as an anti-birther?

    Ans: 20,102,012

    Q: How many Birthers does it take to get an anti-birther to even mutter the words “the real birth certificate”?

    Ans: NONE. It’s a trick question, because it can’t be done.

  34. avatar
    Lashannon Brown January 5, 2010 at 10:04 pm #

    It’s not meant to pinpoint one particular group of people but rather individuals that make up a group as a whole. The individuals are those that lie and deceive in order to gain their way and those that buy into the deceit in order to gain their way. Every person on this planet has a conscience and knows the difference between right and wrong. Animals don’t have this conscience. -An example is a dog doesn’t know it is wrong to eat the cat food, rather it is taught to obey its master or avoid the cat if it doesn’t want a claw in its back.- A human on the other hand knows the difference. It is wrong to murder, not necessarily wrong to kill but murder is a wrong known to every human that has ever lived. This knowledge of right and wrong has been placed in each one of us by our Creator. Go ahead and argue the ‘Creator” point if you want but on an individual and personal level you know for a fact that you were created with this knowledge. And among all the ‘religions’ of the world you know of for certain the One that created you. So if you would like to argue the point, go ahead, but be sure in whom you argue to, for it is not I.
    Many people(they) choose to ignore their Creator and believe instead in the lies and deceit propagated by themselves and others in order to condone and even further their lifestyle. They hope that those that follow their endowed conscience within them will either jump ship and abandon their beliefs are will close a blind eye and simply fall to the way side of silence. These people that ignore their endowed conscience willing to lie and deceive others in order to gain their own way apart from their Creator.
    On a side note… In the US many of these moral-less people have resorted to name calling, marginalizing issues, ridiculing those that oppose them, etc, etc… as a result, the US is quickly coming to its demise. If you are offended by this, good… I hope it wakes up to the truth.

  35. avatar
    Rickey January 6, 2010 at 12:09 am #

    Lashannon Brown says:

    On a side note… In the US many of these moral-less people have resorted to name calling, marginalizing issues, ridiculing those that oppose them, etc, etc… as a result, the US is quickly coming to its demise.

    I’m afraid that name-calling, marginalizing issues, and ridiculing opponents has been part of the political process since this country was founded.

    The 1800 election was a rematch of the 1796 election. The campaign was bitter and characterized by slander and personal attacks on both sides. Federalists spread rumors that the Democratic-Republicans were radicals who would murder their opponents, burn churches, and destroy the country.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_election,_1800

    This knowledge of right and wrong has been placed in each one of us by our Creator. Go ahead and argue the Creator” point if you want but on an individual and personal level you know for a fact that you were created with this knowledge.

    I’m not convinced that we are born with the knowledge of right and wrong. I believe that we are taught right and wrong, and as we mature it becomes evident to us that the best way to live is to respect the rights and property of others.

  36. avatar
    Lashannon Brown January 6, 2010 at 2:07 am #

    Interesting point you make. This slander of the parties of yesteryear has always been left to the politicians and political pundits and for the most part never found its why into the populations at large. Nowadays, the politicians are even lying, deceiving and slandering the public so as to marginalize them and further their repugnant corruption. So many people today have replaced their conscience and have bought into their lies. Todays world though in some aspects is the same as yesterday, it is by far and voluminously more wicked then our forefathers. I find it interesting that you quote Wikipedia, a website that can be edited by anyone and is owned by the Wikimedia Foundation. When ever something is edited in many Wikipedia articles, and is found to present something that will harm the liberal bias, an editing war quickly begins. Ultimately the non liberal poster is locked out by Wikipedia administrators. This is a clear example of politics, media and the population at large buying into the lies and deceit in order to further their own degrading lifestyle.

  37. avatar
    Mike January 6, 2010 at 3:55 am #

    20,102,012

    That’s so lulz-worthy.

    Your estimate of birther numbers is out by a factor of about a million.

  38. avatar
    aarrgghh January 6, 2010 at 4:27 am #

    lashannon brown goes ahead and argues:

    It’s not meant to pinpoint one particular group of people but rather individuals that make up a group as a whole. The individuals are those that lie and deceive in order to gain their way and those that buy into the deceit in order to gain their way.

    but that’s the problem: if you’re going to complain about lying, it kinda helps to identify just who the liars are and what they’re lying about. it helps determine a possible solution and a practical course of action toward it. it also helps determine whether you actually know what you’re complaining about or are just another idle grumbler.

    This knowledge of right and wrong has been placed in each one of us by our Creator. Go ahead and argue the Creator” point if you want but on an individual and personal level you know for a fact that you were created with this knowledge. And among all the religions’ of the world you know of for certain the One that created you. So if you would like to argue the point, go ahead, but be sure in whom you argue to, for it is not I.

    as an atheist, i am unswayed. you don’t have any claim to what anyone else knows, especially on “an individual and personal level”, but it’s irrelevant anyway so i’m not going to bother hunting this old dog.

    If you are offended by this, good… I hope it wakes up to the truth.

    believe me, i am not offended by your complaint — it’s just that i’ve heard it all before. “the world sucks. things were better back then.” it’s just not as profound as you think and instead of waking me up it only puts me to sleep.

  39. avatar
    aarrgghh January 6, 2010 at 5:18 am #

    well, it looks like one joke needs a little update:

    you just might be a birfer if …

    you’re just now realizing bill o’reilly, ann coulter and glenn beck are idiots.

  40. avatar
    Benji Franklin January 6, 2010 at 5:31 am #

    The Universe hath made the ultimate birther joke – and THAT IS Orly Taitz!
    Who among us ever anticipated that a Constitutional Dentist would escape both the former Soviet Union and the screening intent thought to protect the dispensing of U.S. Law degrees, and go on to embody the appalling persistence of an energizer-bunny in her attempt to protectively fashion the U.S. Constitution into her own political diaper?

    Benji Franklin

  41. avatar
    Expelliarmus January 6, 2010 at 7:02 am #

    It’s a sekrit code concealed in a number, hint, hint.

  42. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 6, 2010 at 7:04 am #

    Lashannon Brown: This slander of the parties of yesteryear has always been left to the politicians and political pundits and for the most part never found its why into the populations at large.

    Not only political pundits. Lawyers like Leo C. Donofrio has been slandering the character of President Chester A. Arthur.

    Lashannon Brown: I find it interesting that you quote Wikipedia

    I find it interesting that you make a vague slander of this site’s use of the Wikipedia, yet cite not a single use of the Wikipedia here that you think is biased.

    Your “complaints” are so vague, vacuous, and non-specific as to be useless. Further I suggest that since you cite no specifics, it is because you cannot cite any specifics, and therefore your complaint is a fraud.

  43. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 6, 2010 at 7:08 am #

    Lashannon Brown: It’s not meant to pinpoint one particular group of people but rather individuals that make up a group as a whole.

    Oh, then you’re a bigot.

    Lashannon Brown: Many people(they) choose to ignore their Creator and believe instead in the lies and deceit propagated by themselves and others in order to condone and even further their lifestyle

    And that is why the Obama Conspiracy Theories web site was created. To expose these lies (and there are many).

  44. avatar
    TRUTH January 6, 2010 at 9:03 am #

    ….its a joke in a joke.. for the slow, that’s 2010 and 2012.

  45. avatar
    TRUTH January 6, 2010 at 9:10 am #

    I find it interesting most of you can’t even stick to the subject at hand, jokes, where there are thousands of places to post other comments in here. But maybe it is me that is wrong, maybe what most of you are saying IS a joke. hmmmmm.

    So in sticking to subject myself….

    I read this Birther went to Walmart last month and bought some Obama Christmas Tree ornaments. THAT is where I draw the line with these stupid birthers, because it is STILL illegal to hang a black man from a tree.

  46. avatar
    Greg January 6, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

    Not really funny “ha-ha,” more funny “wow, he went there?”

  47. avatar
    Mike January 6, 2010 at 1:21 pm #

    Ah. That’s why it wasn’t funny, then.

  48. avatar
    Sharshar January 6, 2010 at 1:26 pm #

    Why did the birther cross the road.
    To get crushed.

  49. avatar
    Lashannon Brown January 6, 2010 at 2:31 pm #

    aarrgghh ,

    Interesting! Argue? Certainly not! As if my first post didn’t explain ‘well enough’ the division between the two groups of people, I had to explain myself in grater detail and sadly you have again failed to see the two distinct groups. The point is not to label, but to allow you as the reader determine to which way you lean.

    Your an atheist! I respect your decision. Neither did I argue the Creator point nor did I attempt to pursued you to believe in Him, and yet you choose to bring up that point to demise(if ever so slightly)!

    You are unpersuaded? Good for you! You have made a decision it sounds like to find your being in one of the two groups.

    For it is people, ever so sadly, with frail minds that choose to ignore the truth in hopes to live in the fantasy world they have created. For this and all people like them, the US is coming to a quick and painful end. At last, their fantasy will never come true and they have only themselves to blame.

  50. avatar
    Lashannon Brown January 6, 2010 at 2:43 pm #

    Dr. Conspiracy,

    Sadly you have missed the point as well.

    Obama is only an elected official. He is ‘supposed to’ representing the people as a whole. He is in fact a GREAT representation and likeness of “they”.

    Whether for good or bad, people deserve the leaders they elect.

  51. avatar
    NbC January 6, 2010 at 3:37 pm #

    Whether for good or bad, people deserve the leaders they elect.

    That’s quite a hopeful perspective then… Of course this also means that those who did not choose Obama deserve what they got as well 🙂

    If people insist on undermining Obama’s presidency then let them be known as ‘patriotic’ ROTFL…

  52. avatar
    Joseph January 6, 2010 at 4:08 pm #

    I heard from a source at F.B.I. that there is a Russian intelligence operative running a website called “www.obamaconspiracy.org”

  53. avatar
    G January 6, 2010 at 4:19 pm #

    Lashannon Brown: January 6

    Dr. Conspiracy,

    Sadly you have missed the point as well.

    Obama is only an elected official. He is ’supposed to’ representing the people as a whole. He is in fact a GREAT representation and likeness of “they”.

    Whether for good or bad, people deserve the leaders they elect.

    And that is really the whole crux of what all these protests against Obama are all about.

    The minority is unhappy with who the majority lawfully elected.

    Deal with it, that is how the election process works.

    If you are unhappy with who our current president is, then you have the chance to cast your vote for someone else in 2012. In the meantime, he and congress have the right to carry out an agenda that the majority elected them for based on their campaigns.

    Of course, in 2012, if the majority choose to reelect Obama, then all you can do is wait another four years after that, because obviously that would mean again that the majority doesn’t agree with you or your ideas. Deal with it.

  54. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 6, 2010 at 4:39 pm #

    Это не верно.

  55. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 6, 2010 at 4:57 pm #

    Lashannon Brown: Whether for good or bad, people deserve the leaders they elect.

    I think Americans more often than not are thoughtful, responsible, generous, patriotic and virtuous people. Don’t you agree?

  56. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 6, 2010 at 4:59 pm #

    Lashannon Brown: At last, their fantasy will never come true and they have only themselves to blame.

    You mean fantasies like “Obama will be dragged out of the White House in chains” or “Obama was born in Kenya?”

  57. avatar
    euphgeek January 6, 2010 at 7:42 pm #

    We’re on to you, comrade!

  58. avatar
    SFJeff January 6, 2010 at 7:43 pm #

    Lashannon,

    It is difficult to know how to discuss this with you because your complaints are rather- well extremely vague.

    “Todays world though in some aspects is the same as yesterday, it is by far and voluminously more wicked then our forefathers.”

    Really? Really? There is certainly wickedness in this world, but to call this the most wicked period? When Slavery has been outlawed throughout much of the world. Torture is far less prevelant now than it was even 100 years ago. What is your definition of wicked exactly?

    Its safer now, more than any other period of time in the United States, for a person of color to walk down a street.

    Wicked do you say? I live in San Francisco, a place that your ilk would consider a den of sin, and my daughter walks our neighborhood on her own safely. San Francisco today is safer than San Francisco of 150 years ago.

    Europe is safer now than practically any period in its history.

    I really wonder through what colored glasses you view the wickedness of today versus the wickedness of yesterday.

    “For it is people, ever so sadly, with frail minds that choose to ignore the truth in hopes to live in the fantasy world they have created.”

    What is the truth you are speaking of. Enlighten us. Really- I want to know.

    “For this and all people like them, the US is coming to a quick and painful end.”

    I don’t even know how to address this. End like a giant meteor hitting the U.S. or end as in the end of our Nation as a Nation before we are overrun by brown hordes?

  59. avatar
    SFJeff January 6, 2010 at 7:45 pm #

    “Obama is only an elected official.”
    Exactly!
    “He is ’supposed to’ representing the people as a whole.”
    Exactly!
    “He is in fact a GREAT representation and likeness of “they”.”
    What and who?

    “Whether for good or bad, people deserve the leaders they elect.”

    Absolutely. As much as I grew to detest George Bush, once he was sworn in, I realized that he was the legally elected President and we were getting what we voted in.

  60. avatar
    Benji Franklin January 6, 2010 at 8:52 pm #

    St. Peter: “I’ve looked at your briefs, Ms. Taitz, and frankly, they both bear and bare the stench of a disbarred lawyer. It is the judgment of this court that you be sentenced to Hell for eternity and the three thousand variants of this frivolous appeal you are currently bringing are dismissed!”
    Orly: “But, St. Peter, I have trampled on 5 languages to get to this point, surely you can give me some latitude…..”
    St. Peter: “Hell is not a mappable oblate spheroid Madam, MOVE ON! We’ve other birthers to sentence!
    Orly: “I demand a re-hearing!”
    St. Pete ” Denied!”
    Orly: “I demand a red-herring!”
    St. Pete: ” Denied!”
    Orly: “I demand an investigation!”
    St. Pete ” Denied!”
    Orly: “I demand …..I demand……I deman….I deman……”
    Charles Lincoln 3rd’s voice coming from beneath Orly’s skirt: “Wait a minute!…. I thought I was dee man?”

    Benji Franklin

  61. avatar
    Benji Franklin January 6, 2010 at 9:02 pm #

    Question: How could Charles Lincoln the 3rd tell the difference between Orly Taitz Esquire and the over-night depository slot at a drive-up semen bank?
    Answer: Only by one degree!

    Benji Franklin

  62. avatar
    misha January 7, 2010 at 12:45 am #

    К“‘ – ´а!

  63. avatar
    misha January 7, 2010 at 12:50 am #

    Truth: did anyone ever tell you what a putz you are?

  64. avatar
    brygenon January 7, 2010 at 4:06 am #

    Lashannon Brown: The US as it was is finished as a country. It has been filed with the lies of the corrupt and have deceived many. The truly sad fact about the US […]

    I don’t get it.

    Say Lashannon, do you think people want deep political sermons from someone who can’t even understand the concept of a thread topic?

  65. avatar
    milspec January 7, 2010 at 7:08 am #

    What a little putz he is.

  66. avatar
    Rickey January 7, 2010 at 7:16 pm #

    Lashannon Brown says:

    This slander of the parties of yesteryear has always been left to the politicians and political pundits and for the most part never found its why into the populations at large.

    I see that you need to brush up on your American history. The pundits of old were called newspaper editors. They have always been with us.

    I find it interesting that you quote Wikipedia, a website that can be edited by anyone and is owned by the Wikimedia Foundation.

    I am well aware of the limitation of Wikipedia. However, anyone who has studied the Election of 2000 knows that the passage which I quoted is accurate.

    One last question – if we were born with the knowledge of right and wrong, what is the rationale for the Ten Commandments? It would seem to be superfluous if people already knew that those things were wrong.

  67. avatar
    Rickey January 8, 2010 at 1:29 pm #

    Speaking of jokes, the transcripts of the two hearings before Judge Land in the Rhodes case are now available. I particularly like the part where Orly tries to bring up the Tuskegee Experiment while she questions her client.

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/24915700/RHODES-v-MacDONALD-OFFICIAL-TRANSCRIPT-9-14-09-Hearing

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/24915612/RHODES-v-MacDONALD-9-11-09-HEARING-OFFICIAL-TRANSCRIPT

  68. avatar
    TRUTH January 11, 2010 at 6:06 pm #

    As a matter fact, you make ONE. Sorry I don’t have a name to call you, they haven’t invented it yet. Besides, how many times must you be told, this is the JOKE post. If you can not tell a joke, use one of the other 239,451 posts to whine in.

    here’s one off the late night show..

    “Barack Obama gave a big speech on race, and there was one heckler in the audience, kept screaming crazy stuff the whole time. Turns out it was his pastor.”

  69. avatar
    T. Specter March 3, 2010 at 12:42 am #

    Q. What’s a crying shame?
    A. A bus full of Birthers going off a cliff with three empty seats.

  70. avatar
    T. Specter March 3, 2010 at 12:45 am #

    A Birther was so distraught by the election of President Obama that he decided to commit suicide by hanging himself from a tree in the park.

    A few days later, a Liberal was walking his dog and spotted the Birther hanging from the tree. The Liberal asked the Birther what he was doing and the Birther replied, “I’m hanging myself because I can’t live with the fact that the Liberal Media won’t admit that America elected a Kenyan Marxist as President!”

    “Well, you’re supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist,” said the Liberal.

    “I already tried that,” replied the Birther, “but I couldn’t breathe.”

  71. avatar
    T. Specter March 3, 2010 at 12:47 am #

    Q. What do you say to a Birther in uniform?

    A. “I’ll have a Big Mac with cheese, fries and a coke.”

  72. avatar
    thisoldhippie March 3, 2010 at 10:54 am #

    Actually, I read this parable in relation to birthers. They are so easy to catch. Just keep throwing out ridiculous theories and conspiracies and they keep coming to it. Eventually, their minds are so warped that they don’t realize they are being led by the nose by someone who is even more delusional then they are.

  73. avatar
    thisoldhippie March 3, 2010 at 11:00 am #

    Don’t forget in the election race of 1800 that Jefferson also called Adams a hermaphrodite and Adams accused Jefferson of being the son of an Indian squaw and a mulatto father.

  74. avatar
    thisoldhippie March 3, 2010 at 11:15 am #

    Are you a “friend?” and do you believe in “diversity?”

  75. avatar
    Professor MoFo April 22, 2010 at 6:03 pm #

    Two birthers are sitting at a bar having a beer.

    Birther #1: “Ain’t it great to be an American?”

    Birther #2: “Yep. Born and raised here myself. My whole life, even.”

    #1: “Really? You ain’t gone nowheres else?”

    #2: “Shoot, dang pard. I probably done gone to places I cain’t even remember rightly.”

    #1: “Ain’t that the truth.”

    #2: “So, where’s your folks from?”

    #1: “Some place called Ken-ya. I think it’s in Kentucky or somethin’.”

    #2: “You don’t say.”

    #1: “How ’bout ya’lls?”

    #2: “Some country called Hawai’i.”