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Birther jokes

October is “birther jokes” month at Obama Conspiracy theories. Commenters are invited to submit entries.

My offering is this:

Q: How many birthers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. I don’t know. 71 have tried so far, but the bulb hasn’t changed.

41 Responses to Birther jokes

  1. avatar
    richCares October 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm #

    why did the birther stand up?
    to get standing!

  2. avatar
    Slartibartfast October 10, 2010 at 2:55 pm #

    Birthers. (They are a joke all by themselves…)

  3. avatar
    nemocapn October 10, 2010 at 3:02 pm #

    572.

    Five hundred to write letters to the EPA to verify the light bulb is Energy Star qualified.

    Seventy-one to file lawsuits against Underwriters Laboratories for having certifications of light bulbs but no certificates of light bulbs.

    One to light the candle and curse the darkness because any light bulb that’s not qualified isn’t their light bulb.

  4. avatar
    racosta October 10, 2010 at 3:20 pm #

    WND, for the third straight year, won the Berferstani Middle finder award for journalism, complete with a clenched fist statue proudly displaying the middle finder. The caption says “here’s a finger for you”!

  5. avatar
    BatGuano October 10, 2010 at 5:07 pm #

    Orly ? Yes, really.

  6. avatar
    Sef October 10, 2010 at 5:11 pm #

    Light bulb? The founders didn’t have light bulbs.

  7. avatar
    Jules October 10, 2010 at 6:42 pm #

    Why did Orly Taitz’s husband have penis enlargement surgery?

    His wife kept saying that a short form wasn’t good enough.

  8. avatar
    DaveH October 10, 2010 at 7:01 pm #

    How do you drive birthers mad?

    Put them in the Oval Office and tell them that the President’s Kenyan BC is hidden in the corner….

  9. avatar
    Keith October 10, 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    “If you’re paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse?

    None! Cause Birthers don’t have standing!”

  10. avatar
    Reality Check October 10, 2010 at 9:17 pm #

    DaveH: How do you drive birthers mad?
    Put them in the Oval Office and tell them that the President’s Kenyan BC is hidden in the corner….

    Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

  11. avatar
    Keith October 10, 2010 at 9:33 pm #

    Q: What’s the difference between a birther and a truther?

    A: One falls down over standing the other doesn’t understand falling.

  12. avatar
    sarina October 10, 2010 at 9:45 pm #

    How do you make a one-arm birther fell from a tree?

    You wave to him.

  13. avatar
    Keith October 10, 2010 at 9:51 pm #

    A birther and a truther are digging a ditch.

    The birther asks the truther, “Why is it that us two patriotic, constitution loving, hero’s are down here digging this ditch and that guy Obama is up there sitting in the shade of the tree?”

    The truther replies, “Gee, I was wondering that myself. Why don’t you go ask him.”

    So he does. “Hey Soebarkoh, show me your birth certificate!”

    Obama: “I already did, and why aren’t you digging that ditch?”

    birther: “Cause I want to know why you won’t get down there and dig with us.”

    Obama: “That’s simple to answer. Its all about intelligence.”

    birther: “What’s that?

    Obama: “Its… well its… Let me just demonstrate.” (Obama puts his hand up against the tree). “OK, go ahead and hit my hand with your shovel, as hard as you can.”

    birther: “Sure thing… I mean no, it is illegal to attack the President”

    Obama: “Don’t worry, It’ll be fine. Swing away” (The birther swings and just before impact Obama pulls his hand away. “See, that is intellegence”.

    birther: “Oh, OK, I understand now”. (The birther gets back into the ditch),

    truther: “Ah, you’re back!. What did he say?”

    birther: “He said it was all about intellegence.”

    truther: “What’s that?”

    birther: “Here let me demonstrate. Swing your shovel at my hand as hard as you can.”

    The birther puts his hand up in front of his face.

  14. avatar
    BenjiFranklin October 10, 2010 at 9:54 pm #

    Q: What skill must be learned for a Scout to earn a Birther Merit Badge?
    A: The Scout must demonstrate the ability to figuratively tie the United States Constitution into a hangman’s noose.

  15. avatar
    misha October 10, 2010 at 10:15 pm #

    Q. What’s the solution to the Birther problem?
    A. Live ammo for Civil War reenactments.

    Q. Why did the Birther stare at the orange juice carton?
    A. Because it said “CONCENTRATE.”

    Q: What’s wrong with Birther jokes?
    A: Birthers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.

    Q: How do Birthers form a car pool?
    A: They meet at work.

    Q: What does a Birther have in common with a beer bottle?
    A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

    I just had to take my Birther neighbor to the hospital.
    He broke his leg when he tripped over his cordless phone.

    Isn’t it a shame how 99% of the Birthers give the whole movement a bad name?

    A Liberal walked into a bar and asked the bartender, “Hey, have you heard the latest Birther joke?” The bartender replied coldly, “No. And I’ll have you know I’m Birther.” That’s OK,” said the Liberal. “I’ll talk slowly.”

    Did you hear about the Birther that refused to go to Canada because he couldn’t speak the language?

  16. avatar
    misha October 10, 2010 at 11:01 pm #

    Orly Taitz asked Charles Lincoln, “why don’t you call me anymore?”

    Lincoln replied, “didn’t you know? The string is broken between the cans.”

  17. avatar
    misha October 10, 2010 at 11:10 pm #

    How many birthers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. Birthers like sitting in the dark.

    How many birthers does it take to fly an airplane?
    Ten. Two to fly the plane, and eight for the engine treadmill.

    What’s the difference between Orly Taitz and a reptile?
    One is hatched from eggs, eats insects, and sleeps under a rock.
    The other is a reptile.

  18. avatar
    Gregory October 10, 2010 at 11:30 pm #

    Q. What do you call Birthers who ride on airplanes?

    A. Passengers.

  19. avatar
    misha October 11, 2010 at 12:17 am #

    A birther walked by a truther, while holding a bag. “What’s that noise?” asked the truther. “Chickens,” replied the birther. The truther said, “I’ve always wanted chickens, so I can have my own eggs.”

    The birther said, “tell you what. If you can guess how many chickens are in the bag, I’ll give you both of them.”

  20. avatar
    US Citizen October 11, 2010 at 1:42 am #

    Two birthers are sitting at a bar when the bartender announces he’ll give a case of beer to anyone that can down a whole pitcher.
    Suddenly one of the birthers sees Orly outside and says “Wow.. I just saw Orly Taitz outside, but she walked on by.”
    The other birther replied “That’s ok. She never won a case after she passed the bar the first time.”

  21. avatar
    misha October 11, 2010 at 1:47 am #

    US Citizen: The other birther replied “That’s ok. She never won a case after she passed the bar the first time.”

    (bada-bing)

  22. avatar
    US Citizen October 11, 2010 at 2:04 am #

    A birther and a normal person are discussing their votes for an earlier primary.
    The birther says “Damon Dunn? Why he’s black and Orly’s white. It won’t be hard to know who I’m voting for. What about you, Mr. Liburrral?”
    The other person quips, “What you say about their colors IS true… so I’ll have to vote for the one that’s a natural born citizen.”

  23. avatar
    US Citizen October 11, 2010 at 3:53 am #

    There was a bad dentist named Orly,
    Who did her job exceedingly poorly,
    With Lincoln in seat,
    She got into some heat,
    When the filling was done rather whorely.

  24. avatar
    US Citizen October 11, 2010 at 3:59 am #

    An idiot doctor named Lakin,
    Thought he could gain standing by fakin,
    He made a bad vid,
    Like a pompous dumb kid,
    And to Leavenworth he was taken.

  25. avatar
    Flipper October 11, 2010 at 7:24 am #

    Q: What do you call 10 Birthers standing ear to ear?

    A: A wind tunnel.

  26. avatar
    ASK Esq October 11, 2010 at 12:20 pm #

    Q: Why didn’t the birther want to vacation in Honolulu?

    A: He didn’t want to leave the country.

  27. avatar
    Sef October 11, 2010 at 12:31 pm #

    Q: Why didn’t the birther want to vacation in Honolulu?
    A: He couldn’t find his long form BC to get a passport.

  28. avatar
    Benji Franklin October 11, 2010 at 7:57 pm #

    Jeopardy’s Alex Tribeck: “Okay, – the category is American Villains, for 300 points! This revolting turncoat, whose name is synonymous with treachery, planned to end the U.S. experiment in Liberty by the most monstrous act of betrayal our nation has ever seen…….” (BUZZZZZZZZZ!)” Contestant Orly Taitz: ” Who is Danny Bickle?”

  29. avatar
    Benji Franklin October 11, 2010 at 10:09 pm #

    A weeping C. Lincoln the Thurd, upon being told to stop reentering the Statue of Liberty: “I was so close…… it was just like the FIRST time with Orly……. only, without the oil of cloves.”

  30. avatar
    misha October 12, 2010 at 1:25 am #

    A birther went to Krakow. While there, he said to a crowd at a market “I see the Polish language doesn’t have any vowels.” No one in the crowd said anything.

    The birther continued, “I know what happened. Obama is keeping your vowels in the same place he has hidden his birth certificate.”

  31. avatar
    Benji Franklin October 12, 2010 at 1:37 am #

    What do you get when you cross Orly Taitz with Emerich de Vattel ?
    The USA is reborn with the moral compass of a disbarred Lincoln, and the constitution of a dentist!

  32. avatar
    US Citizen October 12, 2010 at 3:26 am #

    Two car salesman are watching TV during their coffee break.
    Orly appears on a news interview and one salesman exclaims “I’m gonna sell that lady a car!”
    The other salesman retorts “Don’t bother. She already has a Tesla, but is happier driving a broke-down Lincoln.”

  33. avatar
    US Citizen October 12, 2010 at 3:28 am #

    What you get when you cross a newborn kitten and a birther?
    I don’t know, but when it opens it’s eyes it’ll still be blind.

  34. avatar
    US Citizen October 12, 2010 at 4:12 am #

    Why do birthers pee their pants at large outdoor rallies?
    They’re afraid the porta-potties are FEMA camps.

  35. avatar
    AnotherBird October 12, 2010 at 6:39 am #

    Why where the birthers get disqualified during the game?

    They keep on moving the goal posts.

  36. avatar
    E Glenn Harcsar October 12, 2010 at 8:49 am #

    Obama and a birther walk into a bar. Obama says. “Bartender, in order to put this whole issue to rest, I’ve decided to hold another Beer Summit with my Birther friend here. First round is on me.” The bartender replies, “That’ll be seven fifty.”

  37. avatar
    Paul October 12, 2010 at 9:25 am #

    David Axlerod EVADES the question!!
    http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2010/10/axelrod-to-us-chamber-what-are-you-hiding-that-you-dont-want-the-american-people-to-see.html
    TAPPER: Isn’t that like the whackjobs that tell the president he needs to show them his full long-form birth certificate so he can put to rest the questions that have been raised?

    AXELROD: The president’s birth certificate has been available to people.

    TAPPER: The long form?

    AXELROD: Someone once in the course of this debate about whether we should have a law to force these organizations to disclose where they’re money is coming from in the campaigns, someone said, and I think they’re right – “the only people who want to keep things secret are folks who have something to hide.” If the Chamber doesn’t have anything to hide about these contributions, and I take them at their word that they don’t, then why not disclose? Why not let people see where their money is coming from?

  38. avatar
    Patrick McKinnion October 12, 2010 at 2:42 pm #

    Then there’s the oldest birther joke of them all.

    Berg v Obama, August 2008

  39. avatar
    ASK Esq October 12, 2010 at 4:22 pm #

    A birther put forth an argument using logic, reason and verifiable facts.

    (Picture Steven Wright telling this one)

  40. avatar
    AnotherBird October 14, 2010 at 7:14 am #

    To infuse their movement with new energy APF, Orly Taitz and others have reach similar decisions for going forward on President Barack Obama’s eligibility question.

    It is surprising that they have took this long to combine two of their strategies, and they have great confident that it will be effective.

    Donors are suggested to start remitting monetary contributions in the form of nickels, dimes, and quarters only. It is believed that this would enhance their likelihood in finding a sympathetic judge or law enforcement officer. Consider it a better “karma.”

    The enhanced strategy will entail the passing around of coins collected among supports like Terrance Lankin and their lawyers.

    They claim it will given them “common sense.”

  41. avatar
    Expelliarmus October 14, 2010 at 11:52 pm #

    See http://www.saneornot.com/files/candidate/thumb/large/FoundIt2.jpg