Obama Conspiracy Haiku Contest

Our limerick contest was a great success. It’s time to sharpen your poetic skills once again, in the Obama Conspiracy Theories Haiku Contest.

Here are the rules:

  • The Haiku must consist of three lines containing 5, 7 and 5 syllables respectively.
  • Some idea in the poem must suggest a season of the year.
  • The poem must relate to some conspiracy theory about Barack Obama or presidential eligibility.
  • All entries should be left as comments to this article.
  • The winner will be selected through a viewer poll.
  • Contest closes at midnight May 23.

Sample entry:

Obama in chains
Frog marched out of the White House
It's April Fools' Day

Learn more:

About Dr. Conspiracy

I'm not a real doctor, but I have a master's degree.
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113 Responses to Obama Conspiracy Haiku Contest

  1. charo says:

     
    Soon to be summer
    Warm wind turning the pages
    Of de Vatel’s truth

  2. Thrifty says:

    Ooh. A haiku contest. A good haiku is tough. Most people end up just counting syllables and churn out garbage.

  3. nemocapn says:

     
    Winter’ s discontent
    Natural Born Citizen
    Barack elected

  4. Daniel says:

     
    Winter winds weaken
    Political winds warming
    Birthers still shiver

  5. Orly Taitz says:

     
    Barack Obama
    Forgery and Theft
    Siamese Twins

  6. Scientist says:

    Orly Taitz: Barack Obama
    Forgery and Theft
    Siamese Twins

    Typically, for someone who has been unable to follow even the simplest, most well-established legal procedures, that violates the syllabic scheme for a haiku. A haiku is 5, 7, 5, as doc made clear. Yours is 5, 5, 4. Not even close

  7. Bovril says:

    Sad Birfer Orly
    Sanction NO Let me FEEENISH
    Spider Eyes Weep Hate

  8. Scientist says:

     
    Summer is coming
    The NBC clause must die
    Controversy stops

  9. Scientist: Typically, for someone who has been unable to follow even the simplest, most well-established legal procedures, that violates the syllabic scheme for a haiku. A haiku is 5, 7, 5, as doc made clear. Yours is 5, 5, 4. Not even close

    For this reason I thought the comment really from Dr. Taitz, or from some very clever person with a sophisticated sense of humor. Based on the IP address, I think it is the former.

    The question is whether this ineligible entry should be excluded from the ballot or whether the voters should decide.

  10. Origuy says:

     
    Paper proof aside
    Birthers will still be whining
    As autumn leaves fall

    May I suggest an appropriate prize for the winner?

  11. Scientist says:

    Dr. Conspiracy: The question is whether this ineligible entry should be excluded from the ballot or whether the voters should decide.

    i think you can guess my position.

  12. Thrifty says:

     
    Barack releases
    Long form birth certificate
    Glaring forgery

  13. Thrifty says:

    Slight variation on my previous submission:

    Barack releases
    Long form birth certificate
    I need a new meme

  14. Thrifty says:

    Dr. Conspiracy: For this reason I thought the comment really from Dr. Taitz, or from some very clever person with a sophisticated sense of humor. Based on the IP address, I think it is the former.The question is whether this ineligible entry should be excluded from the ballot or whether the voters should decide.

    I think you should declare it the winner, then we should all sue you to have it overturned and have the runner up declared winner.

  15. Scientist: i think you can guess my position.

    😉 YES, WE CAN!

  16. Wile E. says:

     
    “WHERE’S THE LONG BC???”
    Late spring docu-dump stumps Trump
    All Vattellists now…

  17.  
    Lacrosse season's here
    Certificate of Live Birth
    Birthers move the goal
  18. Thrifty: A good haiku is tough. Most people end up just counting syllables and churn out garbage.

    I see that. I think I’m getting the hang of it, though.

    The first spring storm comes
    Hawaii certifies it
    The document's real!

    BTW, I am using the <pre> tag to make it look like that.

  19.  
    Spring wind through the trees
    Certificate of Live Birth
    Birther flame blown out
    
    The smoldering doubts
    As the morning mist must flee
    Under blazing sun
    
    Thirty-five Summers
    Born in the United States
    Our executive
  20. Dr Kenneth Noisewater (Bob Ross) says:

     
    No question the whites
    Barack won’t meet our demands
    Truly not racist

  21. Daniel says:

    Dr. Conspiracy: For this reason I thought the comment really from Dr. Taitz, or from some very clever person with a sophisticated sense of humor. Based on the IP address, I think it is the former.

    The question is whether this ineligible entry should be excluded from the ballot or whether the voters should decide.

    I think you should give her exactly the same leeway the courts have given her when it’s been clear she doesn’t understand the rules….

    Enough rope to hang herself

  22. Our most prolific thinker at The Birther Think Tank will not post here, but feels sorrow for the Poetry Deprived:

    Dead leaves in Autumn
    Numbers fell ever downward.
    Spring brought long green forms.

    The Head Researcher

  23. Lester says:

     
    Barack Obama
    Where art thou from, Dear Leader?
    Somewhere, I suppose.

  24. 
    Orly Taitz visits
    A natural born Haiku
    Not eligible
  25. Head Researcher: The Head Researcher

    Thanks for your worthy contribution.

  26. Daniel says:

    There once was a lady named Orly

    As a Lawyer she performed very poorly

    So she made up some verse

    And ol’ Doc got real terse

    ‘Cause apparently she has no concept of the rules of poetry or jurisprudence-y

  27. Daniel:
    I think you should give her exactly the same leeway the courts have given her when it’s been clear she doesn’t understand the rules….

    Well I think that de Vattel said, somewhere in The Law of Poetry (1789 translation) that a naturalized Haiku did not have to have the 5 syllable first line that a natural born Haiku must have.

  28. Daniel says:

    Dr. Conspiracy: Well I think that de Vattel said, somewhere in The Law of Poetry (1789 translation) that a naturalized Haiku did not have to have the 5 syllable first line that a natural born Haiku must have.

    Yes, but as Blackwell pointed out, English Common Haiku does not have to follow the rules that are laid out by Swiss Misstery Haiku

  29. DJW says:

     
    For summer reading,
    You seek the certificate?
    Twelve-fifty Punchbowl.

  30. Lester:
    Barack Obama
    Where art thou from, Dear Leader?
    Somewhere, I suppose.

    Uhhh, you’re missing the seasonal reference, I think.

  31. Dr. Conspiracy’s theory of poetry: to write good poetry, you must first purge yourself of all the bad poetry.

    The long form springs up 
    Trump back in clown car exits
    Who will supplant him?
  32. Expelliarmus says:

     
    Born in hawaii
    Sixty nine million voters
    November return

  33. Bob Stanley says:

     
    A Springtime Rondeau
    Shape shifting reptiles . . . perhaps
    Sound of Vattel

  34. Foggy says:

     
    We’re in the endgame
    As the long days grow longer
    Think “Any day now …”

  35. Foggy says:

     
    Congress remove him?
    The courts, the military?
    We must rise up soon.

  36. poutine says:

     
    The Fall campaign looms
    Barack’s birth was their focus
    Bin Laden was his.

  37. Foggy says:

     
    A long hot summer
    That usurperin’ mofo
    Ain’t goin’ nowhere.

  38. Verbalobe says:

     
    Founders lost their luster?
    The nutjobs have new heroes:
    Muslims! Arab Spring.

  39. Jeri says:

     
    Soetoro thief
    Born a Brit so not legit
    Summer of deceit

  40. eastriver says:

     
    Springtime for birthing
    An ACORN Falls in the woods
    Summer votes. Some ain’t.

  41. Paper says:

    Barack Obama

    Allegedly born
    in summer—claims earth is round.
    Explain the raked leaves!

  42. Bovril says:

     
    Birfoon Winter time
    Donny and the ginger rat
    Big O says HA HA

  43. Bovril says:

     
    Spring time for Hitler
    The Birfoon goose step is fail
    Farah’s ‘tache bristles

  44.  
    Death of Osama

    Barack’s October Surprise

    Glad Bush played along

  45. nemocapn says:

     
    Spring fox Trump barking
    Guess Obama’s birthday place
    Carnival show stumped

  46. Jeri says:

     
    Cover all his tracks
    A quilt of snow in winter
    The thaw reveals lies

  47. Our most prolific thinker at The Birther Think Tank, encourages the “Obotski” attempt to write more Haiku and exercise that under-utilized side of their brain. Therefore, she sets the bar much higher, probably TOO HIGH, to provide the Obotski something to shoot for. She expects “High Kudos.”

    Obama High Coup???
    “Why?” coo the Little Cuckoos?
    Beaucoups pray “not sue.”

    [Note: This Haiku utilizes the “summer animal” of “little cuckoos”, with the KU sound. This follows the use of the word “coup”, a sight pun suggesting “coop”, or a “house for birds.” She also sound puns “haiku” with the term “High Coup.” Again with “Why coo”. and she utilizes the KU sound in Beaucoups, while punning the Japanese word for summer “natsu” with “Not sue,” thus maintaining consistency with the two “season words” and logical consistency with birds praying for summer, while certain crazy persons (cuckoos) pray the issue not end up in court.]

    The Head Researcher

  48. FUTTHESHUCKUP says:

     
    Pimping a website
    Grunty little birtherbeast
    Racist she has been

  49. nemocapn says:

     
    Frowning Corsi fumes
    Here’s the birth certificate
    Book sales fall, leaves lie

  50. Estiveo says:

     
    Sum-sum-summer time,
    Winter, spring and fail, Orly
    Never disappoints.

  51. Arthur says:

     
    June is Dairy Month!
    Though birther teats are empty
    Corsi sucks . .. in bed

  52. Bob Stanley says:

    mine above corrected:

    A Springtime Rondeau
    Shape shifting reptiles . . . perhaps
    The sound of Vattel

  53. Arthur says:

    Head Researcher:
    Our most prolific thinker at The Birther Think Tank, encourages the “Obotski” attempt to write more Haiku and exercise that under-utilized side of their brain. Therefore, she sets the bar much higher, probably TOO HIGH, to provide the Obotski something to shoot for. She expects “High Kudos.”

    Obama High Coup???
    “Why?” coo the Little Cuckoos?
    Beaucoups pray “not sue.”

    [Note: This Haiku utilizes the “summer animal” of “little cuckoos”, with the KU sound. This follows the use of the word “coup”, a sight pun suggesting “coop”, or a “house for birds.” She also sound puns “haiku” with the term “High Coup.” Again with “Why coo”. and she utilizes the KU sound in Beaucoups, while punning the Japanese word for summer “natsu” with “Not sue,” thus maintaining consistency with the two “season words” and logical consistency with birds praying for summer, while certain crazy persons (cuckoos) pray the issue not end up in court.]

    The Head Researcher

    Re: Head Researcher

    :
    “If you feel compelled to explain your work in order for a reader to understand it, it needs rewriting.” E.B. White

  54. “Re: Head Researcher

    :
    “If you feel compelled to explain your work in order for a reader to understand it, it needs rewriting.” E.B. White”
    =====================================
    Our most prolific thinker at The Birther Think Tank crammed bilingual puns, sight puns, cultural references, words from 3 languages, single language puns, and parallel allusions into 17 syllables. Knowing of the Obot propensity to NOT read things, she calculated no one read Dr. Conspiracy’s Haiku links above, and would miss the ‘little cuckoos” and “natsu” things for sure.

    Her original first line was —“High, From Counting Coup???”, but she didn’t want to have to explain what that was in relation to bragging about court victories while inflicting no serious injuries on the Birther Movement.

    She probably should have tendered her previously written Haiku, below, but this contest was for NEW KU, and she tries to play fair.

    Birthers and Obots
    We spell “Morons” with an “A”.
    They worship the “O”.

    The Head Researcher

  55. Paul Pieniezny says:

    Dr. Conspiracy: For this reason I thought the comment really from Dr. Taitz, or from some very clever person with a sophisticated sense of humor. Based on the IP address, I think it is the former.

    The question is whether this ineligible entry should be excluded from the ballot or whether the voters should decide.

    Mary month of May,
    Our Lady wrote a haiku-
    Ineligible?

    It depends on how you pronounce it. Orlyanka (one of these days I will have to explain that one- but for now it is WBUH) “may” and then “may not”, pronounce ‘forgery’ with a syllabic “r” . Like Czech “Brno”. Fo-rrr- dzha- reee

    As for the rest, have heard her pronounce “and” as two syllables. Siamese – now that is easy, it is four syllables in every language she speaks fluently. Even Russian Siamskie Bliznetsy.

    I am in favour of letting the voters decide whether Orly’s entry “constitutes” a natural born haiku, but the Ozzie Larrikin will probably claim it needs a male sovereign. begetter.

  56. Arthur says:

    H.R.:

    You wrote: “Knowing of the Obot propensity to NOT read things, she calculated no one read Dr. Conspiracy’s Haiku links above, and would miss the little cuckoos” and “natsu” things for sure.”

    Helpful advice: when you calculate, keep in mind this aphorism from the world of computer science: garbage in/garbage out.

    You wrote: “Her original first line was —”High, From Counting Coup???”, but she didn’t want to have to explain what that was in relation to bragging about court victories while inflicting no serious injuries on the Birther Movement.”

    Right.The birther movement has always looked to the courts as the only viable method (outside of an armed insurrection) to remove Obama, and yet you smirkily suggest that the birther court record of 74 cases and 0 wins has inflicted “no serious injuries on the Birther Movement.” You’re deluding yourself. .

    Then again, perhaps you’re right; how can you injure a movement that is clinically brain-dead.

  57. The Magic M says:

     
    The BC released
    The birfers cry foul again
    And summer moved on

  58. The Magic M says:

     
    Black Prez in the House
    What must not be can not be
    To winter-cold hearts

  59. Ragout says:

     
    Cherry blossoms fall
    Long-form’s release fools many
    It’s another fake

    or

    Cherry blossoms fall
    Long-form finally released
    Too late for Lakin

  60. Bovril says:

     
    Lame Cherry Blossom
    Insanity is your name
    Bigots hate always

    Rightie says The One
    Messiah is the other name
    Call it truth man crush

    Spring rains on your parade
    The certificate flys free
    All wingnuts cry foul

    Layer of electric light
    The scanner is not the cert
    Winter gloom birfoon

    Birfoon thy name lies
    No truth only lies every time
    Dead leaves show your shame

    Shameful birfoon lies
    Truth is a foreign country
    Falling leaves from Kenya

  61. 
    Election season
    T-shirts and mugs let his friends
    get in on the joke
  62. 
    Doubts dissipated
    as the bright summer sky is
    washed clean by the rain
  63. Wile E. says:

     
    Leo’s secrets found
    Frogs ribbit…birthers pivot
    All Vattellists now

  64. PaulG says:

     
    Dominic Strauss-Kahn
    Perp walked one fine spring morning
    but was he frog marched?

  65. Wile E. says:

     
    Spring green forms of State
    In on it…EVERYONE!
    The circle grows large

    (sorry, it’s a little addictive)

  66. Reality Check says:

     
    Mae Beavers Blissful

    In ignorance dwells the spring

    RC Show intrudes

  67. Ted says:

     
    Conspiracies dashed!
    April is the cruelest month
    To fringe hatemongers.

  68. The Magic M says:

     
    Birthers’ so-called “facts”
    Made up as they go along
    Spring forth off dumb minds

    (Cheating a little by using “Spring” in a different meaning… 😉

  69. gorefan says:

    From a comment at Dr. Kate’s,

    Save Constitution
    Springtime book, has no effect
    See you in the news

  70. The Magic M says:

     
    Soil-born Obama
    From American mama
    Fall birth brings drama

    For birthers, they flock
    A Sixties’ summer wedlock
    Makes them laughing stock

    They’ve seen his BC
    Shown from sea to shining sea
    Convinced they won’t be

  71.  
    Spring birthers cry foul
    Don’t they have better to do
    Like watching paint dry

    Treason cries the nuts
    I want my coup they demand
    Summer covers tears

    Fall lawyer does fail
    Dental Chair of Love is used
    Charles tells us all

    Black Man Elected
    Hate can’t see past uppity
    Winter of despair

  72. Scientist says:

    I don’t believe that any rule forbids a haiku from rhyming:

    Birth on soil is swell
    Fall winds on Lake Neuchatel
    Blow away Vattel

  73. HellT says:

     
    Silly season’s here
    Corsi made to look like ass
    Punk’d! by Obama

  74. US Citizen says:

     
    President Orly
    Nuclear Winter Deaths
    Birther Dreams Die

    Black Man Cleaning House
    Mopping up A Male Egos
    Unopposed Til Spring

  75. bjphysics says:

     
    Your Haiku Kung Fu
    You must adjust as solar dust
    Or Your Hai Kung You

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku

    “Haiku, plural haikuee, is a very short form of Japanese poetry typically characterized by three qualities:

    The essence of haiku is “cutting” (kiru). This is often represented by the juxtaposition of two images or ideas and a kireji or ‘cutting word’ between them, a kind of verbal punctuation mark which signals the moment of separation and colours the manner in which the juxtaposed elements are related.

    Traditional haiku consist of 17 ON (also known as morae), in three phrases of 5, 7, and 5 on respectively. Any one of the three phrases may end with the kireji. Although haiku are often stated to have 17 syllables, this is inaccurate as syllables and ON are not the same.

    A kigo (seasonal reference), usually drawn from a saijiki , an extensive but defined list of such words. The majority of kigo, but not all, are drawn from the natural world. This, combined with the origins of haiku in pre-industrial Japan, has led to the inaccurate impression that haiku are necessarily nature poems.

    Modern Japanese gendai haiku are increasingly unlikely to follow the tradition of 17 on or to take nature as their subject, but the use of juxtaposition continues to be honored in both traditional haiku and gendai. There is a common, although relatively recent, perception that the images juxtaposed must be directly observed everyday objects or occurrences.”

  76. Mr Furious says:

     
    Silly season here
    We just want transparency
    Wait I meant Vattel

    all the best ideas are gone already *cry*

  77. Foggy says:

     
    Reality Check
    Radio tonight, at 9
    “Among the Truthers” 😉
    _______________________________

    Which is to say, special show tonight on R.C. Radio at 9 p.m. Eastern time.
    ___________________________________________________________

    Click here to join the show. Call in number: (347) 324-5546
    __________________________________________

    Jonathan Kay, author of “Among the Birthers,” discusses the psychology of conspiracy theorists. His book is about truthers, birthers, and other conspiracy theorists. I listened to his interview on the Diane Rehm Show last week, and he’s an excellent guest for R.C. Radio. Please join us if you can!

  78.  
    Obama Kenya.

    Stop lying about birth place.

    In 2012.

  79. US Citizen says:

     
    Carnival Barkers
    Lucas D Smith is one too
    Cash Whining Boo Hoo

  80. US Citizen:
    Carnival Barkers
    Lucas D Smith is one too
    Cash Whining Boo Hoo

    Pretty good one. You are very talented and I am sure that you will win.

    And since we are on the topic of poetry you all should check out my poetic and beautiful take down of the shoddy investigative journalism by WND and Jerome Corsi.

    “Lucas Smith: The War Report (Coast Province Kenya vs Jerome Corsi & WND)”

    (1 of 3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXqkcpWuNQ&feature=channel_video_title

    (2 of 3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1PjBKNKmuk&feature=relmfu

    (3 of 3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8V5QhsHrEA&feature=relmfu

  81. Ragout says:

     
    Ineligible,
    and yet: second White House Eid.
    Sharia is next.

  82. Critical Thinker says:

     
    Release the long form
    Birthers cry out in winter
    Democracy wins

  83. Critical Thinker says:

     
    Mail-order lawyer
    Vexed by corrupt court system
    Disbarred in summer?

  84.  
    The Lawyer loses.
    Yet, the Truth is extracted.
    The Dentist laughs last!

    The Head Researcher, as Agent.

  85. The Sheriff's A Ni- says:

     
    The sheriff is near
    He so smart birthers so dumb
    Candygram for Trump

  86. The Sheriff's A Ni- says:

    I missed the seasonal requirement. Ah well, it stands well enough on its own.

  87. 
    Corsi's May smear book
    dismissive indifference
    whatever Jerome
  88. Kupuna says:

    Mahalo Doc! I love the haiku form & hope I will have time to submit several.

    Ko’olau mists fall
    On Obama’s true birthplace.
    Birthers are still nutz.

  89. US Citizen says:

     
    Birth Certificate
    Taken back in past summer
    Doc’s Delorean

  90. verbalobe says:

     
    Sun rises, sun sets,

    Earth spins through the Milky Way,

    Birthers try and fail.

  91. verbalobe says:

     
    The tiny male spider

    Mates, dies. His futility,

    Like birther “research”.

  92. good gravy says:

     
    Birfoons did succeed!
    Now we know who put moron
    In oxymoron

  93.  
    Beware o Birthers
    of cognitive dissonance
    it can cause whiplash

  94. Atticus Finch says:

     
    Nails on chalkboad voice
    makes other lawyers ears bleed
    and judges sit stunned

  95. ASK Esq says:

     
    Summer approaches
    Hawaii confirms his birth
    I’ll grill some burgers

  96. Wile E. says:

    Lucas D. Smith:
    Obama Kenya.

    Stop lying about birth place.

    In 2012.

    See My, Lucas Smith’s
    Naked Lady Lawyer Art
    Springtime Cleaning Sale

  97. Dr Kenneth Noisewater (Bob Ross) says:

    Wile E.: See My, Lucas Smith’sNaked Lady Lawyer ArtSpringtime Cleaning Sale

    Summer is coming
    Mister Smith no passport stamps
    Lucas rapes the truth.

  98. Verbalobe says:

     
    Green shoot of a fact

    And Orly’s legal black thumb —

    Deadly plague vector.

  99.  
    Frogs, rutting in Spring
    Hidden beneath lily pads
    Circles never end.

    The Head Researcher, as Agent

    [Note: This one is deep.]

  100.  
    Oh Lucas D. Smith
    your POSKBC’s
    a phony, like you

  101. BenjiFranklin says:

     
    Chief Obama Pumped

    His Long Form Humps Chump Trump’s Rump

    Fall See’s Corsi Slump

  102. Bob Stanley says:

     
    Coffee beans ripen
    Obama shows his long form
    Strong and Hawaiian

  103. Jeri says:

     
    The fall of a man
    Altered facts, pixels, and myths
    Truth will unveil him

  104.  
    Moldovan Aethers
    Cloak Notus Africanus
    In a Hoary Rime

    The Head Researcher, as Agent

  105.  Hot Air fogs Cold Glass.
    Seeing through Transparency
    Becomes such a pane.

    The Head Researcher, as Agent

  106. Jeri says:

     Campaigned hope with lies
    Fall of truth; logic; reason
    Pragmatic treason

  107. Jeri says:

     
    Spring into attack!
    Spew Hegel, Alinsky too
    Truth? Mob comes for you!

  108. Jeri says:

     
    Keep spinning the lies
    Wrap silk around all your prey
    Truth will spring away

  109. Jeri says:

     
    Intelligent facts
    Protect the rat from the fall
    Blame it on RIO

  110.  
    Ironic Winter.
    Where those who have covered up,
    End with a Bad Cough.

    The Head Researcher, as Agent.

  111. Suranis says:

     
    Springtime for Birthers
    Oh no, long form released!
    Pretend experts rule.

  112.  
    Which Spring Horse unseats?
    Marshals nays at Waterloo?
    May be Corsican.

    The Head Researcher, as Agent.

  113. The contest is now closed..

    ultimate vindication
    November the 6th
    Doc Conspiracy

Comments are closed.