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How to look important

  1. Issue demands. Be audacious and demand it right now. By making demands of someone, you put yourself in their league; hence, the more important the person you demand from, the more important you look. Down side: You look pathetic if the person ignores you, or makes a joke about you.
  2. Give yourself an important title. Call yourself a lieutenant, a grand jury foreman or a journalist. Extra credit if you call yourself something with a science-sounding title like “forensic document examiner.” Down side: You look pathetic when people notice that you haven’t earned the title.
  3. Create a fancy web site. Lots of folks judge a book by its cover. Use bold graphics and popular symbols. Down side: You look pathetic when someone checks your site’s ratings and they are like 5 millionth in the US.
  4. Start a movement. Think big. Call for 1,000,000 people to march on Washington DC. Throw in some demands. Down side: You look pathetic when nobody but you and your cousin Vern show up.
  5. Claim that you are on a first name basis with God. You really look important to the folks who are impressed by that kind of thing.

51 Responses to How to look important

  1. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG September 20, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

    An Vern only showed up because he was hiding from Earnest!

  2. avatar
    jdkinpa September 20, 2013 at 8:37 pm #

    Call for 1,000,000 people to march on Washington DC.

    I actually saw a post on facebook lamenting the fact that the MSM has ignored the 1.6 million motorcycles that were in DC last week.

  3. avatar
    Curious George September 20, 2013 at 8:46 pm #

    Wear a Chef’s hat to make people believe that you are an expert in soy. 😮

  4. avatar
    Majority Will September 20, 2013 at 8:46 pm #

    Andrew Vrba, PmG:
    An Vern only showed up because he was hiding from Earnest!

    Actually, Vern couldn’t make bail and won’t be attending after all.

  5. avatar
    Dr Kenneth Noisewater September 20, 2013 at 10:29 pm #

    All 4 of these happened on the Mike Volin show tonight.

  6. avatar
    Arthur September 20, 2013 at 11:09 pm #

    In addition to the four already described, I would add, “Claim that your actions are approved by God, and those who disagree with you are in league with Satan.” See for example, Bobby Powell’s latest post, “Satan’s Seat: Obama The Antichrist And The Abomination Of Desolation” http://bobpowell.blogspot.com/

  7. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG September 20, 2013 at 11:49 pm #

    Curious George:
    Wear a Chef’s hat to make people believe that you are an expert in soy.

    Hell, I’m just gonna show up at random functions, for no apparent reason, and do that.

  8. avatar
    The Magic M September 21, 2013 at 2:40 am #

    6. Claim you’ve discovered something sensational that was “forgotten”, “long lost”, “buried” or even “covered up”. Down side: people may not believe you know more about a subject than all experts from the last 200 years.

  9. avatar
    misha marinsky September 21, 2013 at 2:43 am #

    Arthur: Bobby Powell’s latest post, “Satan’s Seat: Obama The Antichrist And The Abomination Of Desolation”

    *sigh* Why do people keep saying Obama is the anti-Christ? He’s NOT Jewish.

    Hey Bobby: I am the anti-Christ.

    -I’m Jewish
    -I’m male
    -I put my Angel and Max ahead of people

    Got it?

  10. avatar
    misha marinsky September 21, 2013 at 2:46 am #

    Arthur: Bobby Powell’s latest post, “Satan’s Seat: Obama The Antichrist And The Abomination Of Desolation”

    Here’s my favorite, keeping the tradition of televangelists: “Video Evidence Of Miraculous Healing; Reading Online Prayers Blesses Cancer Victim”

    So keep those PayPal donations coming in.

  11. avatar
    Arthur September 21, 2013 at 9:05 am #

    misha marinsky: Why do people keep saying Obama is the anti-Christ? He’s NOT Jewish.

    Yeah, but some birthers believe Obama’s real parents are Golda Meir and Sammy Davis, Jr., so then it would all work out.

  12. avatar
    Arthur September 21, 2013 at 9:11 am #

    Claim 7: Do like Larry Klayman and hold a citizens’ grand jury
    http://citizensgrandjury.com/

  13. avatar
    misha marinsky September 21, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

    Arthur: some birthers believe Obama’s real parents are Golda Meir and Sammy Davis, Jr.

    They’re not?! Uh, oh.

  14. avatar
    misha marinsky September 21, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    Arthur: See for example, Bobby Powell’s latest post

    I found out why the military coup fell apart. The leader – everyone knows who he is – printed a gun with his 3D printer. When he tested the gun, it exploded and now this patriotic American is a basket case.

    I’m sure Bobby Powell will be along to deny this, which will only prove my story correct.

  15. avatar
    misha marinsky September 21, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    Arthur: See for example, Bobby Powell’s latest post

    misha marinsky: When he tested the gun, it exploded and now this patriotic American is a basket case.

    Update: Military coup halted. Complete story:

    http://newyorkleftist.blogspot.com/2013/09/report-military-coup-called-off.html

  16. avatar
    Dr Kenneth Noisewater September 21, 2013 at 8:35 pm #

    As I said last night many of these traits showed up last night on the Mike Vollin show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wheresobamasbirthcertificate/2013/09/21/guest-sharon-rondeau-from-the-post-email-reveals-new-info

    Kerchner was on as well as Sharon Rondeau. These people are getting more and more desperate as you can tell by the vile hatred the spew not just about Obama but those who correct their falsehoods. Apparently they think Zullo is coming after the Obots who are a “lawyer cabal”. Apparently we’re all communist and yet “hitlerian”, we hate the constitution, we want this country ruined, etc.

    They start out making demands that Obama turn over his real birth certificate for forensic examination but then say that doesn’t seem to matter because Obama’s father wasn’t a citizen. They talked about Obama refusing to give money to charity by being involved in Trump’s phony bribe. They went on about the selective service.

    Zullo has been given the title of commander and lt. Sharon last week bumped him up saying he was a former homicide detective in a city that had one homicide during the period Zullo supposedly worked there.

    They create “fancy websites”. Okay doc this isn’t particularly true no birther website I’ve seen can be considered fancy for anytime in the last 20 years. They’re using mostly 20 year old website design. But boy do they have websites. Vollin trotted out his website no less than 10 times on the show.

    Vollin claims he started a movement with the sheriff’s kits and the overpasses nonsense. He then pumped another rally of truckers that supposedly will happen. These people have lost all sense of reality.

  17. avatar
    RanTalbott September 22, 2013 at 7:58 am #

    Dr Kenneth Noisewater: Vollin claims he started a movement with the sheriff’s kits

    What a dilemma: I couldn’t choose between

    a. “Not true:the doctor says it was definitely the Ex-Lax”, and

    b. “Not terribly impressive: I have yet to hear of a single recipient who succeeded in assembling a sheriff”.

  18. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG September 22, 2013 at 10:20 am #

    Sheriff kit includes:
    Adjustable fat suit x 1
    Sheriff badge x 1
    Deputy badge x 4 *morons sold separately*
    Unwarranted sense of self-importance x1
    Instructional DVD of looking intimidating for photo-ops x1

    Now I got my wires crossed and accidentally ordered the Omar Sharif kit, which includes:
    Chin dimpler x1
    Mustache shaping template x1
    Golden Globe award x2
    Mad bridge playing skills x1

  19. avatar
    Curious George September 22, 2013 at 6:13 pm #

    Dr Kenn,

    “These people have lost all sense of reality.”

    The Birthers have reached the point of uncontrollable panic. Nothing is working for them because their foundation is built on lies. One lie leads to another and eventually their case implodes on their lack of substance and rational honest thought. These people are quickly sinking on the S.S. Zullo.

  20. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG September 22, 2013 at 9:36 pm #

    Curious George:
    Dr Kenn,

    “These people have lost all sense of reality.”

    The Birthers have reached the point of uncontrollable panic. Nothing is working for them because their foundation is built on lies.One lie leads to another and eventually their case implodes on their lack of substance and rational honest thought. These people are quickly sinking on the S.S. Zullo.

    No amount of VIPs or Paypal donations can save them now.

  21. avatar
    RanTalbott September 22, 2013 at 10:22 pm #

    Curious George: The Birthers have reached the point of uncontrollable panic

    I disagree: there are probably some among the promoters of the myth who are panicking, but the vast majority of the suckers have long since debarked the SS Zullo, into a land where the forgery is “a proven fact”, and the rather-technical debunking won’t dissuade most of them. They’ve already gotten past the exposure of the CCP’s incompetence in the “African Anachronism”, and their outright dishonesty in the “Coding Caper”. Unless there’s a really dramatic “explosion” (such as a fraud prosecution), they won’t even look back to notice the sinking.

    Their focus now is on explaining how the Dark Forces of the Conspiracy (be they “NWO”, the MSM, or the ever-popular “Jewish Bankers”) are keeping The Ignorant Masses from seeing The Sacred Truth. At ORYR, you can see them pushing silliness like “false flag attacks” and “the Newtown/Boston/Navy Yard hoax”. They can live off that for years without the help of the CCP, PeePee Simmons, et al., just as others have before them.

    But the good news, as I told NBC recently, is that the Xerox evidence _has_ torpedoed the SS Zullo, and they won’t be able to get any Congressional or court hearings for their nonsense. And the birthers, lacking even the apperance of credible evidence, will get pushed even further to the lunatic fringe in the public’s perception.

  22. avatar
    Curious George September 22, 2013 at 11:13 pm #

    RT:
    “But the good news, as I told NBC recently, is that the Xerox evidence _has_ torpedoed the SS Zullo, and they won’t be able to get any Congressional or court hearings for their nonsense. And the birthers, lacking even the apperance of credible evidence, will get pushed even further to the lunatic fringe in the public’s perception.”

    Are you understanding any of this Pastor Gallups? Hmmmmm?

  23. avatar
    justlw September 23, 2013 at 12:26 am #

    Dr Kenneth Noisewater: Zullo is coming after the Obots who are a “lawyer cabal”

    OK, I definitely got my wires crossed here. I could have sworn it was an “orthodontist coven.”

    On a completely unrelated note, does anyone want a great deal on a few cases of rubber bands and some brooms, before I put them up on Craigslist?

  24. avatar
    Lupin September 23, 2013 at 3:40 am #

    justlw: OK, I definitely got my wires crossed here. I could have sworn it was an “orthodontist coven.”

    This reminded me of the funny names the English language uses for groups of animals:

    http://www.thealmightyguru.com/Pointless/AnimalGroups.html

    We don’t have one for Birthers.

    I humbly submit “A molestation of birthers.”

  25. avatar
    RanTalbott September 23, 2013 at 4:07 am #

    Hmmm, I tend to think of “molestation of birthers” as more of a “hobby” than “a collective noun” 😉

    I thought about terms like “misunderstanding”, “incomprehension” or “failure”, but those are too likely to turn up in ordinary descriptions.

    How ’bout “a re-election of birthers”?

  26. avatar
    Bovril September 23, 2013 at 4:23 am #

    A “bigot” of Birthers
    A “lie” of Birthers
    A “delusion” of Birthers
    A “conspiracy” of Birthers
    A “threat” of Birthers
    A “podcast” of Birthers
    An “Orly” of Birthers
    A “stain” of Birthers
    A “coup” of Birthers
    A “logorreah” of Birthers
    A “Putzie” of Birthers
    A “Bitter” of Birthers

    They just write themselves….. 😎

  27. avatar
    The Magic M September 23, 2013 at 7:35 am #

    Lupin: This reminded me of the funny names the English language uses for groups of animals

    Took me years to finally learn what “A Murder of Crows” actually means (though the title may have been deliberately ambiguous). Make that the second set of terms I never bothered to learn completely (along with the names of all fruits and vegetables).

    justlw: does anyone want a great deal on a few cases of rubber bands and some brooms, before I put them up on Craigslist?

    I could use some rubber bands for my immortality experiments. (Who gets the reference?)

  28. avatar
    Lupin September 23, 2013 at 9:12 am #

    I do like “a stain of birthers” and “a logorrhea of birthers”.

  29. avatar
    RanTalbott September 23, 2013 at 10:14 am #

    Upon reflection, I wish to withdraw my original nomination, in favor of “An anydaynow of birthers”.

  30. avatar
    Bovril September 23, 2013 at 10:41 am #

    Possible additions might include…..

    A “Scream” of Birthers
    A “Bellowing” of Birthers
    An “Infection” of Birthers
    A “Seep” if Birthers
    A “Superation” of Birthers
    A “Piteousness/Pitiful” of Birthers
    A “Deceit” of Birthers

  31. avatar
    justlw September 23, 2013 at 11:44 am #

    The Magic M: (Who gets the reference?)

    Too hoopy for me.

  32. avatar
    The Magic M (not logged in) September 23, 2013 at 1:45 pm #

    You’re a frood. 😉

  33. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG September 23, 2013 at 2:54 pm #

    Bovril:
    Possible additions might include…..

    A “Scream” of Birthers
    A “Bellowing” of Birthers
    An “Infection” of Birthers
    A “Seep” if Birthers
    A “Superation” of Birthers
    A “Piteousness/Pitiful” of Birthers
    A “Deceit” of Birthers

    I’m in favor of A “stupid” of Birthers.

  34. avatar
    bovril September 23, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

    What abut

    A “Grotesquerie” of Birthers…….

  35. avatar
    DryInk September 23, 2013 at 3:36 pm #

    A “Screech” of Birthers …

  36. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy September 23, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

    That one is attractive, but I lean towards “a paranoia of birthers.”

    Andrew Vrba, PmG: I’m in favor of A “stupid” of Birthers.

  37. avatar
    Benji Franklin September 23, 2013 at 4:48 pm #

    bovril: What abut

    A “Grotesquerie” of Birthers…….

    and…

    A Flailing of Birthers

    or…

    A Preposterance of Birthers

    or (my favorite)…

    A ShitSack of Birthers

  38. avatar
    Whatever4 September 23, 2013 at 11:05 pm #

    An idiocy of Birthers.

  39. avatar
    Keith September 23, 2013 at 11:34 pm #

    A “Scam of Birthers”?

    An “Irrelevancy of Birthers”?

  40. avatar
    Keith September 23, 2013 at 11:35 pm #

    A “Hokum of Birthers”?

    A “Bunkum of Birthers”?

  41. avatar
    Keith September 23, 2013 at 11:36 pm #

    A “Steaming Pile of Birthers”?

    Sorry every time I hit submit, I think of another one.

  42. avatar
    ArthurWankspittle September 24, 2013 at 8:56 am #

    I could use some rubber bands for my immortality experiments. (Who gets the reference?)

    I do but then I know where my towel is.

    Before I scrolled down I had also come up with a “stupidity” of birthers but how about a “confabulation” of birthers?

  43. avatar
    The Magic M September 24, 2013 at 9:02 am #

    A discombobulation of birthers.

    A schmock of birthers.

    A hoople of birthers.

  44. avatar
    Bovril September 24, 2013 at 9:22 am #

    I’m surprised we haven’t had a set of comments by Blue Falcon over at ORYR about how all we Obits must be sweating bullets ’cause we are calling them names.

    A “Drool” of Birthers
    A “Eructation” of Birthers

  45. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG September 24, 2013 at 11:47 am #

    Bovril:
    I’m surprised we haven’t had a set of comments by Blue Falcon over at ORYR about how all we Obits must be sweating bullets ’cause we are calling them names.

    I think they’re distracted by birther report’s new layout, but its the same old dog turd in a shiny new wrapper.
    Maybe Orly will follow suit. I think her site would look good with a nice big “404 Error. This site cannot be found!” replacing the current mess of owl screeching and malware.

  46. avatar
    1% Silver Nitrate September 24, 2013 at 4:25 pm #

    “Call for 1,000,000 people to march on Washington DC”

    The clock has started running. Klayman just set a date: November 19. Invest in popcorn futures now.

    http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/conservative-attorney-larry-klayman-sets-date-for-coup-against-obama

  47. avatar
    Crustacean September 24, 2013 at 5:43 pm #

    Klayman thinks we should look toward Egypt to see real democracy in action. Maybe I’ll send him my latest book, “Republic – The Rich History of Liberal Democracy in Egypt from 1953 to 2007.”

    It’s not a long book; all I have so far is the title…

    1% Silver Nitrate: “Call for 1,000,000 people to march on Washington DC”
    The clock has started running. Klayman just set a date: November 19. Invest in popcorn futures now.

  48. avatar
    misha marinsky September 24, 2013 at 6:08 pm #

    Crustacean: It’s not a long book; all I have so far is the title…

    bada-bing

  49. avatar
    Keith September 25, 2013 at 1:14 am #

    What about an “Asylum of Birthers”.

    Is that one taken yet?

  50. avatar
    RanTalbott September 25, 2013 at 1:50 am #

    I wonder how Klayman’s would-be deposers would react to the realization that he’s luring them into a “gun-free zone”, near large numbers of soldiers who’ve passed the “Obama litmus test” of swearing they’re cool with shooting Americans?

    Not to mention that they’re bound to be at least one FEMA camp in the area.

    Someone should check the PDFs of his court filings for multiple layers…

  51. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy September 25, 2013 at 1:43 pm #

    I thought maybe a “million of birthers” (a group of 12).

    Keith: What about an “Asylum of Birthers”.