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Xerox Corporation may become “person of interest” in Cold Case Posse investigation

imageThe birthers certainly notice the anti-birther claims that Obama’s long form birth certificate is just a plain old scan by a Xerox machine of the original (rotated and saved by Preview on a Mac computer). In fact they anticipate that when they start testing with facsimiles of the President’s long form, what they get will be a perfect PDF file matching that from the White House. Does this mean that they are abandoning forgery claims? Well, no. Here’s their escape scenario, courtesy of a comment at Obama Release Your Records:

Make absolutely certain you’re(sic) Xerex (sic) machine in your office is not connected to phone line or internet! During the month of August and Sept (sic) the Xerex (sic) company has conspired to download what they call a "firmware" update to every copy and fax machine in America. The sole purpose of this conspiracy is to make so every machine closely reproduces the exact factors that Sherifs (sic) Posse detected that the birth certificate is fake. They want it so when the case gets to trial that EVERY copy machine will produce layers and background halos and mystery fonts so they can apply Alynskyite ridicule in the Supreme Courtroom. You can prevent this by making sure there is no connection except for the powerline so this "Trojan" firmware cannot be installed by the conspiring parties.

Of course this illiterate birther is saying that a computer algorithm could produce all the marks of forgery in the Obama birth certificate, denying what the birthers said before about the impossibility of such a thing. At this point I should note that Xerox machines do not automatically update their firmware. You have to download the firmware and then manually apply it.

What’s ironic is that there is a "grain of truth" in this. A Xerox user reported that the machine can actually change one number into another number in scanning. Xerox has acknowledged the problem and I daresay they will issue a fix for it. It’s the same JBIG2 compression routine that is also responsible for some of what birthers think are indications of forgery in the Obama certificate, specifically when two letters have identical bitmaps. Misidentifying letters and/or numbers (NOT OCR) and replacing them (in an extreme case) turns two different numbers into one identical bitmap.  However, if the fix changes anything, it will make patched Xerox machines produce scans LESS LIKE the Obama certificate. Read more at ABC news (ignore the video on that page).

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27 Responses to Xerox Corporation may become “person of interest” in Cold Case Posse investigation

  1. avatar
    tim September 8, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    is not connected to phone line or internet!

    Most of these printers are used as fax machines and have scan to e-mail capabilities. I find this comment very cute.

  2. avatar
    JPotter September 8, 2013 at 8:04 pm #

    The unreality takes another fold. Wow.

  3. avatar
    justlw September 8, 2013 at 8:06 pm #

    “You can prevent this by making sure there is no connection except for the powerline

    BWA HA HA HA!

  4. avatar
    Bonsall Obot September 8, 2013 at 8:28 pm #

    Xerex Firmware and the Alinskyite Ridicule is my new band.

  5. avatar
    JPotter September 8, 2013 at 8:39 pm #

    justlw: no connection except for the powerline“

    What if it’s a setup in which the interwebs goes through the power cables?

    O’course, that’s not exactly how that works, but we could go ahead and plant that worry just to mess with them. 😛

  6. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy September 8, 2013 at 8:44 pm #

    Funniest thing I’ve heard all day. It’s the new Quote of the Day.

    Bonsall Obot: Xerex Firmware and the Alinskyite Ridicule is my new band.

  7. avatar
    justlw September 8, 2013 at 8:52 pm #

    JPotter: What if it’s a setup in which the interwebs goes through the power cables?

    The BWA HA HA HA was a link. With a mouseover…

    O’course, that’s not exactly how that works, but we could go ahead and plant that worry just to mess with them.

    Sssh! No! You meant: “That’s exactly how it works!”

  8. avatar
    Bonsall Obot September 8, 2013 at 8:54 pm #

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    Funniest thing I’ve heard all day. It’s the new Quote of the Day.

    My work here is done.

  9. avatar
    Bob September 8, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

    What’s in it for Xerex (besides being a part of the greatest hoax ever perpetuated on Western civilization)?

  10. avatar
    Bonsall Obot September 8, 2013 at 8:59 pm #

    Bob:
    What’s in it for Xerex (besides being a part of the greatest hoax ever perpetuated on Western civilization)?

    They don’t get The Chicago Treatment?

  11. avatar
    Keith September 8, 2013 at 9:31 pm #

    justlw: “You can prevent this by making sure there is no connection except for the powerline“

    BWA HA HA HA!

    OMG! Has no one ever heard of “ethernet over power”?

  12. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy September 8, 2013 at 9:39 pm #

    So they have to unplug the machine.

    But really, without a network interface and/or phone line, one cannot scan, print or fax. That makes for one very expensive copy machine.

    Keith: OMG! Has no one ever heard of “ethernet over power”?

  13. avatar
    CarlOrcas September 8, 2013 at 9:56 pm #

    Dr. Conspiracy: But really, without a network interface and/or phone line, one cannot scan, print or fax. That makes for one very expensive copy machine.

    And, of course, one could simply reload prior versions of firmware/software to match what was on the White House machine if one were really looking for the truth.

    Stupid is as stupid does.

  14. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG September 8, 2013 at 10:00 pm #

    Did I leave the improbability drive turned on?

  15. avatar
    Keith September 8, 2013 at 10:00 pm #

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    So they have to unplug the machine.

    But really, without a network interface and/or phone line, one cannot scan, print or fax. That makes for one very expensive copy machine.

    And without power, that makes for one very expensive boat anchor.

  16. avatar
    JPotter September 8, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

    Keith: And without power, that makes for one very expensive boat anchor.

    Our MFD at work is all wired up—not to any boats, of course—but whether it’s wired or not, it’s a great toe-stubber.

  17. avatar
    misha marinsky September 8, 2013 at 10:26 pm #

    Bob: What’s in it for Xerex…?

    Go to the Philippines: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0362322/

  18. avatar
    Lupin September 9, 2013 at 3:16 am #

    I blame the tiny hamsters inside the machine.

  19. avatar
    The Magic M September 11, 2013 at 5:11 am #

    JPotter: What if it’s a setup in which the interwebs goes through the power cables?

    Maybe there’s power line filters who can filter out TCP/UDP traffic? But that doesn’t disable the Sekret Wireless Con-nector [tm] that Xerex has been fitting their devices with since at least 1980 on behest of the NSA and the Klever Kenyan Konspiracy. I think you’d have to place your Xerex VogCentre 74/75 under a crystal pyramid to insulate it from any outside interference (including HAARP). In a vacuum.
    I put mine in a pocket dimension where Soros can’t find it. Although that means I’m missing out on the latest updates from the Alien Overlord Store.

  20. avatar
    Keith September 11, 2013 at 3:03 pm #

    The Magic M: But that doesn’t disable the Sekret Wireless Con-nector [tm] that Xerex has been fitting their devices with since at least 1980 on behest of the NSA and the Klever Kenyan Konspiracy.

    Oh, I see. Now you’re bringing Australia into the conspiracy too.

    More specifically, the most important WIFI patents are owned by the University of Tasmania.

  21. avatar
    Sef September 11, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

    The Magic M: Xerex

    Is it about time for a Royal Flush?

  22. avatar
    Paper September 12, 2013 at 1:08 am #

    I know everyone else here is more worldly, but I cannot contain my excitement, as I just received my first official email with the subject: Scan from a Xerox WorkCentre.

    Clearly, my application to join the conspiracy finally has been accepted!

  23. avatar
    The Magic M September 12, 2013 at 7:44 am #

    Keith: More specifically, the most important WIFI patents are owned by the University of Tasmania.

    … which is the home of the Tasmanian Devil, thereby proving Satan is behind everything!

    Sef: Is it about time for a Royal Flush?

    I don’t know if George Xorox has that many xeroex on his Xanax prescription.

  24. avatar
    G September 12, 2013 at 4:41 pm #

    LOL! I just keep laughing harder and harder at every post… this certainly was the cherry on top! 🙂

    The Magic M: I don’t know if George Xorox has that many xeroex on his Xanax prescription.

  25. avatar
    Paul Pieniezny September 12, 2013 at 7:13 pm #

    Sorry if I spoil the fun by trying to remain serious. (Not that I believe the author at ORYR will understand)

    “CentreWare IS is an application on the printer’s embedded Web server that allows you to configure and administer the printer from a Web browser on any computer.”

    And Centreware is what Xerox uses to install firmware updates. In other words, Dr C is not only right when he says that the user must consent to apply it, but the firmware is actually first downloaded from the internet by “any computer”, temporarily stored in a directory “downloads” and must then be applied with human intervention.

    Why “any computer”? Because machines like these are typically used in a network. Taking away the “connection” will not only mean that there is no updating of the firmware and no faxing, but there will be no printing either, by any computer on the network – connecting the printer through USB to “any computer” would of course mean that the firmware could be applied (and printing and scanning capability restored on that one computer)

    A very expensive copying machine, indeed. Somehow, I think most people with a network, even a small home network, will understand the guy at ORYR has no idea what he is talking about.

  26. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG September 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm #

    Paul Pieniezny:
    Sorry if I spoil the fun by trying to remain serious. (Not that I believe the author at ORYR will understand)

    “CentreWare IS is an application on the printer’s embedded Web server that allows you to configure and administer the printer from a Web browser on any computer.”

    And Centreware is what Xerox uses to install firmware updates. In other words, Dr C is not only right when he says that the user must consent to apply it, but the firmware is actually first downloaded from the internet by “any computer”, temporarily stored in a directory “downloads” and must then be applied with human intervention.

    Why “any computer”? Because machines like these are typically used in a network. Taking away the “connection” will not only mean that there is no updating of the firmware and no faxing, but there will be no printing either, by any computer on the network – connecting the printer through USB to “any computer” would of course mean that the firmware could be applied (and printing and scanning capability restored on that one computer)

    A very expensive copying machine, indeed. Somehow, I think most people with a network, even a small home network, will understand the guy at ORYR has no idea what he is talking about.

    Shhhhhhh! Don’t you know facts just frighten and confuse them birfers?

  27. avatar
    justlw September 12, 2013 at 8:49 pm #

    The “patches” for this “issue” have already been “released” — mere days before the 2 Million Biker March! Is this just a coincidence?

    Why does the README file for these “patches” say that installation is mandatory? Is it true that this will be enforced by IRS-conducted site inspections?