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Bug-eyed British Peer: 7 Steps to jail Obama

This article is a bit late in coming, but I should mention the story for completeness as it is finally making the rounds of re-publication on the Internet.

imageLord Monckton (pictured right – and here, and here and here), a British eccentric, has inserted himself into the American birther movement several times. He’s put forward crank math, crank document forensics and now just plain crank in his WorldNetDaily article, “7 Steps That’ll Land Obama in Jail.”

No impeachment

Monckton says there are probably not enough votes in the House to impeach President Obama over his “Donald Duck birth certificate” (look who’s calling something “Donald Duck!”) and I would agree. Monckton says that the “rabbits” in the House are afraid that their reputations would be trashed—I agree with that too—trashed and rightly so.

The steps

Step 1 is to “stop being panty-waists.”

imageWell, I don’t know that panty-waists want to stop being whatever they are. Hoping someone will do what they are are not doing just because Monckton writes it at WND doesn’t seem to be much of a plan, more like wishful thinking. What Monckton probably longs for is “real men”™, like the one pictured right, in Congress. (Does anybody else think that the watch Vladimir Putin wears looks remarkably like the one that Obama wears?)

That photo is more significant than you might realize, given that I found it using Google image search for: Lord Monckton panty waist.

Step 2 continues in the “lets you and him fight” category with a plan for Congress to investigate why real officials ignore birthers. For example this egregious dereliction of duty:

The attorney general of Hawaii. Following a complaint from a former state senator, Hawaii Five-O forwarded a report to the AG, who, faced with a credible and detailed allegation of the greatest seriousness from an impeccable source, did not even reply.

The lack of a reply is not surprising, given that Hawaii Five-O is a TV show and not a real Hawaiian law enforcement agency. Monckton then details other officials who don’t take birthers seriously, albeit real agencies this time.

Step 3 is for Congress to go talk to Mike Zullo. You have to go to Mike Zullo because Zullo keeps all his real evidence secret, lest it, uh, well, err, get looked at.

Step 4 is to repeal every law Obama signed. There goes my tax cut! Damn!

Step 5 competes with the Hawaii Five-O gaffe for the “clueless” award. After noting that arresting Obama while in office is unlikely, Monckton says:

However, in 2016 Mr Obama will no longer be protected by the office to which he is not on any view entitled.

Obama leaves office in January of 2017, not in 2016.

Step 6 is basically a call for mob rule. Monckton says:

Give private citizens the right to bring prosecutions without the consent of the states’ attorneys general.

Yeah, and let’s also let the anti-birthers prosecute all of the birthers for wasting the country’s time. And while we’re about it, how about citizens extradition so we can get Monckton in the dock.

And finally there is Step 7, which really isn’t about getting Obama in jail, but  about he fact that six is a sucky number to end with. Step 7 says:

If you think all of the foregoing is mad, just watch and learn.

I do think that what Monckton wrote is mad. I’m looking–what am I supposed to see? I certainly don’t expect to see Congress taking any of Monckton’s advice.

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56 Responses to Bug-eyed British Peer: 7 Steps to jail Obama

  1. avatar
    JPotter January 5, 2014 at 12:59 pm #

    Lard Monckton issues marching orders to Arpaio …. secret plan now available at WND for all to see! ;)

    7 STEPS THAT’LL LAND OBAMA IN JAIL
    Exclusive: Lord Monckton has timeline of Sheriff Joe’s ongoing forgery case against BHO!!!

    Good times. Keep on believing, Faithful Followers of Farah! My favorite part is Monckton admits that nothing can be done to remove Obama, that he will complete his term …. no frog-marching. I’ll bet the Klay Man’s Shadow Gubbamint has something to say about that … :D

  2. avatar
    CarlOrcas January 5, 2014 at 1:37 pm #

    JPotter:
    Lard Monckton issues marching orders to Arpaio …. secret plan now available at WND for all to see!

    7 STEPS THAT’LL LAND OBAMA IN JAIL
    Exclusive: Lord Monckton has timeline of Sheriff Joe’s ongoing forgery case against BHO!!!

    Good times. Keep on believing, Faithful Followers of Farah! My favorite part is Monckton admits that nothing can be done to remove Obama, that he will complete his term …. no frog-marching. I’ll bet the Klay Man’s Shadow Gubbamint has something to say about that …

    My favorite part is the utter nonsense about Hawaii 5-0:

    The attorney general of Hawaii. Following a complaint from a former state senator, Hawaii Five-O forwarded a report to the AG, who, faced with a credible and detailed allegation of the greatest seriousness from an impeccable source, did not even reply.

    Monckton has been watching too many old TV shows. There is no 5-0, no “Book ‘em, Danno.”

    The rest is just icing on the cake.

  3. avatar
    RanTalbott January 5, 2014 at 3:26 pm #

    CarlOrcas: My favorite part is the utter nonsense about Hawaii 5-0

    Interestingly, in an earlier piece ( http://www.wnd.com/2013/11/feeling-impeachment-in-the-air/ ), he claimed to be a witness:

    In Hawaii last year, I watched as a senior former state senator called the police and, when they came, handed over to them compelling evidence that the “birth certificate” had been forged.

    Maybe he was on the set of the CBS show and didn’t realize that he was being punked by the cast?

    Does anyone know what “compelling evidence” he’s babbling about? Google seems to just turn up regurgitations of his allegations. Did someone just hand the cops a Shurf’s Kit DVD?

  4. avatar
    JPotter January 5, 2014 at 4:05 pm #

    RanTalbott: In Hawaii last year, I watched as a senior former state senator called the police and, when they came, handed over to them compelling evidence that the “birth certificate” had been forged.

    … sounds like more WND-sponsored senior abuse to me. Every nursing home in Hawaii ought to have photos of the WND ringleaders at the front desk, as in “Refuse Entry and Call Police on Sight!”

  5. avatar
    CarlOrcas January 5, 2014 at 4:22 pm #

    RanTalbott: Maybe he was on the set of the CBS show and didn’t realize that he was being punked by the cast?

    Probably the same place he was approached about offering “mathematical testimony” on the chances the birth certificate is legit.

    The man is nuts!

  6. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 6, 2014 at 10:55 am #

    Preceding comments moved from the Open Thread.

  7. avatar
    Lupin January 6, 2014 at 10:55 am #

    Magnum P.I. is on the case, no doubt.

    As for Lord McDuck, he’s now won the Upper Class Twit of the Year Award for sure.

  8. avatar
    aarrgghh January 6, 2014 at 11:02 am #

    from a freeper thread on lord hawhaw’s plan 7 from planet birfer:

    Old Sarge: As I’ve said before:

    The illegitimate, bisexual, Marxist Kenyan Muslim Usurper could eat a live negro fetus on the set of “The View”, and:

    * the media would praise him for performing a post-partum abortion;
    * compliment him on his table manners;
    * laud him for eating halal.

    —-

    lbryce: I don’t know why. It’s not inherently, intrinsically funny, but something about reading live negro fetus gave me the giggles. I would attribute my reaction to hardcore racism. Every generation of my male ancestors going back to the Civil War have been Grand Dragons no less.

    “but we’re not racist!”

  9. avatar
    Bob January 6, 2014 at 11:02 am #

    I can’t remember the details but one of the Birthers was mad at Monckton because he won’t lift a finger for their cause without being paid first.

  10. avatar
    Greenfinches January 6, 2014 at 11:09 am #

    aarrgghh: lord hawhaw

    The man Monckton is a nut, and I am sorry about him on behalf of the UK, but I think it is going a bit far to liken him to Lord HawHaw. That man was a traitor and actively, vocally so.

  11. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG January 6, 2014 at 11:19 am #

    GAH!!!
    Its like Marty Feldman had a baby with Rowan Atkinson!
    Cannot unsee!
    Cannot unsee!

  12. avatar
    aarrgghh January 6, 2014 at 11:43 am #

    Greenfinches: The man Monckton is a nut, and I am sorry about him on behalf of the UK, but I think it is going a bit far to liken him to Lord HawHaw.That man was a traitor and actively, vocally so.

    i meant “lord heehaw”

  13. avatar
    Joe Acerbic January 6, 2014 at 11:49 am #

    It’s odd that an obvious wannabe American Wingnut is also a wannabe member of the House of Lords:

    http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2011/jul/18/climate-monckton-member-house-lords

    As queer as a clockwork orange.

  14. avatar
    aarrgghh January 6, 2014 at 11:50 am #

    another gem from the aforementioned freeper thread:

    2ndDivisionVet: Impeached? He could behead a troop of girl scouts on the White House lawn during the Easter Egg roll, butcher them, barbecue them and serve them to all the participants and he still wouldn’t be impeached. And if you criticized him about it, the press would say “it’s a black thing” and accuse you of being a racist tea bagging rethuglican for bringing it up while licking their fingers and asking Michelle what kind of “awesome” spice rub they’re using and beg for more of that “delicious” macaroni & cheese and a refill of their Kool-aid.

    i find “obama could …” jokes to be an excellent barometer of wingnut frustration. the more frustrated the wingnut, the more elaborate the setup. i even compiled a list of them.

  15. avatar
    Joe Acerbic January 6, 2014 at 11:52 am #

    Andrew Vrba, PmG:
    GAH!!!
    Its like Marty Feldman had a baby with Rowan Atkinson!
    Cannot unsee!
    Cannot unsee!

    I was thinking Feldman and Rodney Dangerfield…

  16. avatar
    JPotter January 6, 2014 at 12:25 pm #

    So, trying to take the Mad Monck seriously for a second (a very brief second!), I got quickly stuck. There isn’t enough support in Congress for impeachment, but he seems to assume there is enough support to “repeal every law Obama signed” (even the ones that originated in Congress … you know, the majority of all laws … ?) before Obama’s term expires.

    And …. then what?

    Leave Obama rotting in office, submitting no laws to him to sign? … meaning no laws will get passed. The country would be, to an extent, ungoverned. Spending could not be authorized, so the nat’l gov’t would roll on until current allocations ran out, and then, shutdown for 3 yrs, until Inauguration Day 2017.

    It’s a small gov’t conserv’s dream come true!

    Ironically, I have been reading a bio of Washington; this sounds very familiar to his experience with the toothless, penniless Congress from 1775 – 1788. History, doomed to repeat.

  17. avatar
    Publius January 6, 2014 at 12:50 pm #

    Separated at birth?

    http://bit.ly/1lKLqEJ

  18. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG January 6, 2014 at 1:02 pm #

    Publius:
    Separated at birth?

    http://bit.ly/1lKLqEJ

    Nah! More like this http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/157/d/e/dolan_duck_hd_hq_by_bojanglesthecat-d52ixnl.png
    Regards!

  19. avatar
    The Magic M January 6, 2014 at 1:04 pm #

    JPotter: The country would be, to an extent, ungoverned.

    A lot of birther theories boil down to that. No government, no federal military (which of course can not lift a finger while their CiC is ineligible, just don’t tell the North Koreans!), no taxes, no Washingtonians telling you you can’t lynch black people.

    JPotter: It’s a small gov’t conserv’s dream come true!

    It’s rather a “no govt” revisionist’s dream come true (these people have hated the government at least since the abolition of slavery). Or a traitor’s, depending on the motive. Who can really advocate a theory that would render the military inoperable simply because he dislikes the federal govt? So that leaves only the latter possibility.

  20. avatar
    Bob January 6, 2014 at 1:22 pm #

    This is who Monckton reminds me of: ☞LINK

  21. avatar
    Greenfinches January 6, 2014 at 1:39 pm #

    Joe Acerbic: an obvious wannabe American Wingnu

    Monckton is, alas, British. You can have him if you wish!?

    Son of a General in the Army, brother of a good friend of the Blessed Diana of Wales…………

  22. avatar
    donna January 6, 2014 at 1:39 pm #

    5/2010 GOP Chooses Non-Scientist Lord Monckton as Sole Expert Witness at Climate Change Hearing

    Of all the people in the world the GOP could call to testify, they chose Christopher (not-really-a-Lord) Monckton, a non-scientist with a diploma in journalism studies and a knack for trampling Godwin’s Law of Nazi Analogies.

    Monckton called American college students advocating for clean energy the “Hitler Youth” and “Nazis” during his crazed rampage at the Americans For Prosperity event at the Copenhagen climate summit. Monckton repeated the “Hitler Youth” comments directly to me in an interview the following day, and then took it way too far when he told Jewish student Ben Wessel, whose grandparents escaped the Holocaust, “I am not going to shake the hand of Hitler youth.” Despite extensive video evidence, Monckton went on to lie to the Associated Press, claiming that he never uttered those words.

    At the Tax Day Tea Party in D.C. last month, Monckton opened his speech with a ‘joke’ suggesting that President Obama was born in Kenya. Monckton previously called President Obama a “monster” during his speech at a GOP fundraiser in Wisconsin, which followed another of his paid appearances for Americans for Prosperity.

    In a 1987 article for the American Spectator titled the The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS, Monckton wrote that:

    …. there is only one way to stop AIDS. That is to screen the entire population regularly and to quarantine all carriers of the disease for life. Every member of the population should be blood-tested every month … all those found to be infected with the virus, even if only as carriers, should be isolated compulsorily, immediately, and permanently.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brendan-demelle/gop-chooses-lord-hitler-y_b_565126.html

  23. avatar
    Andrew Morris January 6, 2014 at 2:05 pm #

    He is a real Lord, in the sense that he has an inherited title. And he does have a real degree. I was at the same university as him. In those days (early 70s) the widespread view was that he was mad, and if you follow his subsequent career and details of his personal life, that view doesn’t seem too wide of the mark.

  24. avatar
    Daniel January 6, 2014 at 2:43 pm #

    Andrew Morris:
    He is a real Lord, in the sense that he has an inherited title.

    He has an inherited title, but he is not a Lord, as per House of Lords Act 1999

  25. avatar
    nbc January 6, 2014 at 3:13 pm #

    I do think that what Monckton wrote is mad. And I intend to watch and learn, but not from him.

    Monckton is great at supporting foolish positions. Look for example at global warming. He is like Orly in many ways…

  26. avatar
    nbc January 6, 2014 at 3:14 pm #

    Joe Acerbic: It’s odd that an obvious wannabe American Wingnut is also a wannabe member of the House of Lords:

    He inherited the title. A good reason to reform the UK system once and for all…

    He is a Viscount… below an earl or a count… Just above Baron

  27. avatar
    Andrew Morris January 6, 2014 at 3:17 pm #

    Orly did at one point cite Monckton as a supporter, to back up some crazy point she was making. A marriage made in heaven.

    And let’s not waste time on this but he is a Lord; but the 1999 Act removed him from the House of Lords, which is the upper house of the UK Parliament. Doesn’t affect the title. A very strong reason for removing the hereditary lords, though.

  28. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 6, 2014 at 3:24 pm #

    I was thinking of this.

    Bob:
    This is who Monckton reminds me of: ☞ LINK

  29. avatar
    The Magic M January 6, 2014 at 3:30 pm #

    Andrew Morris: Orly did at one point cite Monckton as a supporter, to back up some crazy point she was making. A marriage made in heaven.

    And let’s not waste time on this but he is a Lord

    At least birthers speak the truth for once when they say “the Lord is on our side”. *lol*

  30. avatar
    Suranis January 6, 2014 at 3:43 pm #

    “But, looking, I presently saw something stirring within the shadow: greyish billowy movements, one above another, and then two luminous disks–like eyes.”

    H. G. Wells – The War of the Worlds, Ch 4.

  31. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG January 6, 2014 at 4:05 pm #

    The “derp” meme. That’s what Monckton reminds me of, in both appearance and actions!

  32. avatar
    Steve January 6, 2014 at 4:39 pm #

    His very appearance screams “not to be taken seriously!”

  33. avatar
    Keith January 6, 2014 at 5:21 pm #

    Bob:
    This is who Monckton reminds me of: ☞ LINK

    In honor of Misha (from whom we have not heard for a while) who ‘stole’ this link from me:

    Lord Monkton

  34. avatar
    Roadscholar January 6, 2014 at 5:43 pm #

    Man, I bet that guy has a really funny walk.

  35. avatar
    Greenfinches January 6, 2014 at 6:32 pm #

    Keith: Misha (from whom we have not heard for a while)

    you are right – has anyone any ideas? Doc C? Is Misha ok, just distracted onto something else?? I hope so…………….

  36. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy January 6, 2014 at 6:59 pm #

    He didn’t answer an email I sent a month ago.

    His last comment here was 10/25 and the last post on his blog was October 10. That suggests some major life event.

    Greenfinches: you are right – has anyone any ideas? Doc C? Is Misha ok, just distracted onto something else??

  37. avatar
    Publius January 6, 2014 at 8:13 pm #

    Keith: In honor of Misha (from whom we have not heard for a while) who ‘stole’ this link from me:

    Lord Monkton

    I don’t know about hamsters, but since “Chip” is a diminuitive for “Christopher,” then we might properly, if a bit informally, refer to ‘Iz Lordship as “Chip Monckton:”

    http://i43.tinypic.com/1444kz9.jpg

  38. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG January 6, 2014 at 8:17 pm #

    Publius: I don’t know about hamsters, but since “Chip” is a diminuitive for “Christopher,” then we might properly, if a bit informally, refer to ‘Iz Lordship as “Chip Monckton:”

    http://i43.tinypic.com/1444kz9.jpg

    Now that’s a well constructed pun.

  39. avatar
    Paper January 6, 2014 at 10:37 pm #

    “Step 4 is to repeal every law Obama signed. There goes my tax cut! Damn!”

    Not only that, there will be interest on those back taxes. That’s just the way it goes. If you did not figure your taxes according to pre-Obama laws, and pay that amount, you have only yourself to blame. I am sure all birthers posting here have done just that, and have not accepted those lower taxes. Some may have accidentally paid less, not realizing how far the consequences go, but no honest birther would ever complain.

    There possibly even may be penalties. Should have paid more; clearly only Obots have not paid their correct taxes.

  40. avatar
    Paper January 6, 2014 at 10:45 pm #

    “Step 6 is basically a call for mob rule. Monckton says:

    ‘Give private citizens the right to bring prosecutions without the consent of the states’ attorneys general.’”

    Perhaps he should first start by calling for the equivalent to be done in Britain?

    We will gladly give him and Britain credit if this works.

  41. avatar
    alg January 7, 2014 at 12:07 am #

    The man should be deported. But I doubt his native country would want him back.

  42. avatar
    Slartibartfast January 7, 2014 at 12:36 am #

    Eloquently put.

    Dr. Conspiracy: You have to go to Mike Zullo because Zullo keeps all his real evidence secret, lest it, uh, well, err, get looked at.

    I prefer “Chrissy Monckton” (and an honorific of “Mr.”).

    Publius: I don’t know about hamsters, but since “Chip” is a diminuitive for “Christopher,” then we might properly, if a bit informally, refer to ‘Iz Lordship as “Chip Monckton:”

    http://i43.tinypic.com/1444kz9.jpg

  43. avatar
    Notorial Dissent January 7, 2014 at 5:26 am #

    Lord Monkey’s Butt, lord I forget how apropos that descriptor is, proves once again with a mathematical certainty that he knows almost as much about American politics and government as he does about those of his alleged homeland. I’m still holding out for him to be a David Icke lizard replacement trying to get control of the House of Lords and having failed miserably. He is so far beyond eccentric that there really isn’t any descriptor except mercenary whack job that really fits him.

  44. avatar
    The Magic M January 7, 2014 at 5:51 am #

    Notorial Dissent: I’m still holding out for him to be a David Icke lizard replacement

    Well, if there ever was a terrible human mask for sale on Betelgeuse V, it’s got to be him. ;)

  45. avatar
    The Magic M January 7, 2014 at 6:00 am #

    I was thinking Total Recall: http://i191.photobucket.com/albums/z43/sevenarts/cinema/totalrecall2.jpg ;)

  46. avatar
    interestedbystander January 7, 2014 at 9:45 am #

    alg:
    The man should be deported.But I doubt his native country would want him back.

    No we most certainly do not want him back* – he’s yours to enjoy.

    *although to be fair, I’d be surprised if more than 0.001% of the UK population have heard of him.

  47. avatar
    Dave B. January 7, 2014 at 9:52 am #

    I just call him Chris. It’s a wonder he hasn’t shown up here yet.
    And it’s an absolute marvel that Tea Partiers fawn over him and that title so. Reminds me of all that whining about “anticolonial” this and that.

    Slartibartfast: I prefer “Chrissy Monckton” (and an honorific of “Mr.”).

    Publius: I don’t know about hamsters, but since “Chip” is a diminuitive for “Christopher,” then we might properly, if a bit informally, refer to ‘Iz Lordship as “Chip Monckton:”

  48. avatar
    dch January 7, 2014 at 9:57 am #

    Finally the birthers have Steve McGarrett on the case! LOL these people are beyond stupid.

  49. avatar
    Dave B. January 7, 2014 at 10:09 am #

    His Huffington Post account is still active, and somebody logged in on that account was reading articles as recently as ten hours ago. He’s on my “friends” list, so I see activity on that account.
    Checking on that is about all the use I’ve got for those cussword so-and-so’s over there now.

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    He didn’t answer an email I sent a month ago.

    His last comment here was 10/25 and the last post on his blog was October 10. That suggests some major life event.

  50. avatar
    Rickey January 7, 2014 at 5:42 pm #

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    He didn’t answer an email I sent a month ago.

    His last comment here was 10/25 and the last post on his blog was October 10. That suggests some major life event.

    I’ve been wondering about him. We know that he has had health problems, so I hope that he is okay.

  51. avatar
    Northland10 January 7, 2014 at 7:26 pm #

    Rickey: I’ve been wondering about him. We know that he has had health problems, so I hope that he is okay.

    He has commented at another site about 10 days ago, but has not had much activity for the last few months.

  52. avatar
    ZixiOfIx January 9, 2014 at 9:16 am #

    Mr. Monkton’s vague, ill-defined 7-step process reminds me of the business plans of the Underpants Gnomes on South Park.

    The gnome’s plan, in three phases, is as follows:

    Phase 1. Collect Underpants
    Phase 2. ?
    Phase 3. Profit

    Mr. Monkton’s plan makes no more sense and is no more likely to work. Less entertaining, too.

  53. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG January 9, 2014 at 11:21 am #

    ZixiOfIx:
    Mr. Monkton’s vague, ill-defined 7-step process reminds me of the business plans of the Underpants Gnomes on South Park.

    The gnome’s plan, in three phases, is as follows:

    Phase 1. Collect Underpants
    Phase 2.?
    Phase 3. Profit

    Mr. Monkton’s plan makes no more sense and is no more likely to work. Less entertaining, too.

    The gnome’s plan actually works though. That was the best. seminar. EVER!

  54. avatar
    Dave B. January 9, 2014 at 12:17 pm #

    The Crab People’s plan was better. They came so close, only to be undone by the vagaries of the female heart. Oh my God!! Are Gordon Epperly and General Jedi Pauly really…CRAB PEOPLE?

    Andrew Vrba, PmG: The gnome’s plan actually works though. That was the best. seminar. EVER!

  55. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG January 9, 2014 at 12:38 pm #

    Dave B.:
    The Crab People’s plan was better.They came so close, only to be undone by the vagaries of the female heart.Oh my God!! Are Gordon Epperly and General Jedi Pauly really…CRAB PEOPLE?

    Well using birther logic, no documentation exists which contests that theory, therefore they MUST be Crab People!
    Come to think if it, Monkton’s eyes aren’t a far cry from being on stalks…

  56. avatar
    The Magic M January 10, 2014 at 9:02 am #

    Dave B.: The Crab People’s plan was better.

    The birthers have been watching “Straight Eye for the White Guy” too often.