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The Zullo enigma

The birthers seem to think that every time I write about Mike Zullo, it is in anxiety over some impending universe-shattering event, any day now, that will not only bring down the President but also anyone who supports him and folks like me, who they call O-Bots1. In fact, for someone who blogs about birthers, Zullo is about the only game in town. Even the birthers don’t believe Shrimpton, and most have realized that Orly Taitz is wholly incompetent to accomplish anything with a lawsuit and Larry Klayman isn’t much better. Apart from Zullo, birtherism is over except for Zullo and his Zu-Bots™.

The birthers are right that their opponents are interested in Zullo, but they are mistaken that the focus is his repeatedly promised, but never delivered, decisive evidence. Zullo has proven wholly incompetent to develop real evidence, and he lacks the resources to come up with a real scandal, if there should really be one. No, what’s interesting is whether there is a scandal in the Cold Case Posse (CCO) itself.

There really is a Maricopa County Sheriff’s Cold Case Posse, Inc. You can find it registered with the State of Arizona. It has a Tax ID number. It has an organization, a membership, and it raises money. Beyond a few details associated with the organization and a massive quantity of self-generated publicity, we really don’t know a lot about the Posse except that they have identified some bloggers as their enemies, they think there’s something wrong with President Obama’s identity papers, and they have generally proven to be incompetent and dishonest.

Brian Reilly has provided a rare inside view of the CCP though the anecdotes in his recent article here, but lots of big questions remain. My two biggest questions are: 1) What sort of money flows in birther organizations? and 2) Is Mike Zullo a con man or a true believer? In my mind, after Reilly’s Part 1, neither of those questions gets answered. Reilly says at one point that he was convinced that Zullo really believed some crazy Lord Monckton/MI-6 story, but con men are very good at convincing others of their sincerity. What Reilly saw and heard is helpful but what he believed about Zullo is less so.

Unquestionably Zullo says things that aren’t true, and this is an objective point of evidence; however, people say things that aren’t true for various reasons:

  1. They believe they are being truthful
  2. They lie for a nefarious purpose
  3. They lie to support what they believe is a greater truth

In Zullo’s case, I think we can rule out number 1. While Zullo may have said false things that he thought were truthful, he certainly knows now that they weren’t, and his silence becomes intentional deception.

Would you tell a lie if it meant saving the lives of others? I think I would. Does Zullo believe so firmly that Obama is literally destroying the country so that any number of lies, false promises, and failure to correct past mistakes is justified by the greater truth of how evil Obama is? If this is the case, then the obvious flaw is that one ends up lying to oneself, and becomes incapable of telling truth from fantasy. Lies are consuming.

On the other hand, Zullo may be a simple con man, and the Zu-Bots his victims. This is why details about CCP finances are so critical to understanding the birthers.

Zullo is an enigma, and I’ll keep writing about him until I figure it out.


1For some time I have been tolerant of the label O-bot, taking it to be a synonym for “anti-birther.” Further research indicates that my usage is not general, and therefore I’m no longer going to use the term approvingly. Anti-birthers are not in general Obama supporters: some are and some are not.

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64 Responses to The Zullo enigma

  1. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 12, 2014 at 10:08 pm #

    In choosing between Z-Bots and Zullo-Bots, I settled on the latter as sounding worse,

  2. avatar
    Arthur March 12, 2014 at 10:27 pm #

    “Unquestionably Zullo says things that aren’t true, and this is an objective point of evidence; however, people say things that aren’t true for various reasons:

    They believe they are being truthful
    They lie for a nefarious purpose
    They lie to support what they believe is a greater truth”

    Another reason people lie is to make themselves seem more important than they really are. But, of course, Lt. Mike Zullo, who has had such an impressive career in law enforcement, would never need or want to do that.

  3. avatar
    JPotter March 12, 2014 at 10:38 pm #

    “Shaka Zullo and his Loyal Zullo Warriors”. The Africa reference gets’em going.

    There is an old saw about assuming malice in that which can be explained by incompetence, which the birfers have really put to the test. They have managed to construct a malice/incompetence feedback loop, and it’s highest form (so far) was achieved by the CCCP.

    With no new material being ginned up of note, and no upcoming events to stimulate their, umm, creativity, all that’s left is watching the deterioration. Will it go quietly, or will their be massive, damaging, darkly entertaining fallout? There almost certainly should be some of the latter … actions should have consequences. I appreciate your efforts at teh truth, Doc.

  4. avatar
    alg March 12, 2014 at 10:46 pm #

    I believe that Mike Zullo isn’t playing with a full deck of cards and doesn’t possess the intellectual capacity to discern fact from fiction.

  5. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 12, 2014 at 10:50 pm #

    At this point, I consider that a viable theory.

    alg: I believe that Mike Zullo isn’t playing with a full deck of cards and doesn’t possess the intellectual capacity to discern fact from fiction.

  6. avatar
    Nancy Ruth Owens March 12, 2014 at 10:52 pm #

    If Mike Zullo’s true identity is that of the former Hendry County “Investigator,” and I use the term loosely, Mike Moore of South Florida, I can help you there, Doc.

    As you can see with the Tiffany Sessions case, I know many of their deep, dark secrets. I can also tell you how and why Zullo has some seemingly odd connection with Sheriff Arpaio and the desert region.

    I did listen to RC’s interview with Brian Reilly a few hours ago. He comes across as being very honest, sincere, and genuinely confused by Zullo’s actions.

    However, he is also the epitome of what’s wrong with our country in that he has no comprehension of human evil. He will NEVER understand this and this is evidenced by his acceptance of Hawaii’s fraudulent claims that Obama is…well….that he’s Obama of Chicago and not Allen of South Florida.

    I also had to laugh when he said Zullo automatically told him, “No. You didn’t show you’re DL in Arizona.” Brainwashing 101. It doesn’t work in situations where everything’s normal. But, try it in situations where murders have just recenty occurred, there’s blood and gore everywhere, you fear for both your own safety and that of your family’s. It works wonders.

    I think they call it “gaslighting” and the drug cartels are masters at it.

    http://WWW.IFORGEDOBAMASBIRTHCERTIFICATES.COM

    Doc Conspiracy:

    “Zullo is an enigma, and I’ll keep writing about him until I figure it out.”

  7. avatar
    CarlOrcas March 12, 2014 at 11:06 pm #

    Doc says: Zullo is an enigma, and I’ll keep writing about him until I figure it out.

    Good for you! He deserves all the attention you can muster.

    I just finished listening to most of Mr. Reilly’s interview on the RC Blog and, along with the insights in his letter to you I think the curtain has been pulled back and it’s pretty clear we’re dealing with what we’ve all suspected for a long time: A small time con artist who has managed to prey on the ignorance and prejudices of people, including the elected sheriff of Maricopa County.

    The question, as you note, is to what end? Without knowing more about the posse’s finances its hard to settle on anything but the most obvious, and human, reason: Money…money for Zullo.

    For everyone else – the birthers – it has to be the feeding of their irrational fear of and hatred for Barack Obama.

    It’s obvious from Mr. Reilly’s insights that this really is a one man show with Zullo playing the Wizard behind the curtain. But unlike Dorothy’s gentle wizard Zullo comes off as a….how to say it…..nasty, egomaniacal used car salesman pulling a con.

    While the birthers are all a twitter about Obama’s end days I’m beginning to think we are probably watching the death throws of Zullo’s Cold Case Posse. Let us hope.

  8. avatar
    Arthur March 12, 2014 at 11:50 pm #

    CarlOrcas: A small time con artist who has managed to prey on the ignorance and prejudices of people, including the elected sheriff of Maricopa County.

    I agree that Zullo is a con man, but Arpaio seems too experienced to be taken in by a shyster like Zullo. I got the impression that Arpaio saw a way to placate some noisier constituents, and gave the CCP and Zullo the task of “researching” the president’s b.c.

  9. avatar
    alg March 13, 2014 at 12:24 am #

    Arthur: I agree that Zullo is a con man, but Arpaio seems too experienced to be taken in by a shyster like Zullo. I got the impression that Arpaio saw a way to placate some noisier constituents, and gave the CCP andZullo the task of “researching” the president’s b.c.

    Sheriff Arpaio may be politically savvy – you don’t win six terms if you’re not – but he is not a very intelligent man. He could easily be prone to gullibility for believing things congruent with his political instincts. In other words, he believed the words of a dysfunctional Mike Zullo because they pandered to a constituency he needed to win re-election.

  10. avatar
    Dave B. March 13, 2014 at 1:23 am #

    How about Zu-bots?

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    In choosing between Z-Bots and Zullo-Bots, I settled on the latter as sounding worse,

  11. avatar
    CarlOrcas March 13, 2014 at 1:23 am #

    Arthur: I agree that Zullo is a con man, but Arpaio seems too experienced to be taken in by a shyster like Zullo. I got the impression that Arpaio saw a way to placate some noisier constituents, and gave the CCP andZullo the task of “researching” the president’s b.c.

    See alg’s comment. I agree with him: Arpaio is not very bright. He really is a one note guy…..he will do and say anything to get publicity.

  12. avatar
    Egipcios March 13, 2014 at 2:32 am #

    If Arpaio is to run for Governor, then the financial scandal around Zullo becomes a potentially disastrous fire that will be required to be extinguished. Immediately.

  13. avatar
    Lupin March 13, 2014 at 4:09 am #

    I think Zullo is cut from the same cloth as Apuzzo. Both are knowingly lying and deceiving, both are making money in one way or another, and both are ultimately paid propagandists for the far-right.

  14. avatar
    ArthurWankspittle March 13, 2014 at 4:21 am #

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    In choosing between Z-Bots and Zullo-Bots, I settled on the latter as sounding worse,

    You missed out the “ig”

  15. avatar
    The Magic M (not logged in) March 13, 2014 at 5:18 am #

    Dr. Conspiracy: In choosing between Z-Bots and Zullo-Bots, I settled on the latter as sounding worse

    Why not “Z-Bits” (as in “exhibits”)? They only have bits for brains, too.

    There really is a Maricopa County Sheriff’s Cold Case Posse, Inc.

    So it’s not law enforcement but a corporation? (Cue in the “the US are a corporation since …” conspiracy believers.)

    Arthur: but Arpaio seems too experienced to be taken in by a shyster like Zullo

    Maybe they’ve been buddies for years and Arpaio puts some sort of trust in him that Zullo abused?
    (Though his general behaviour in this issue seems to suggest he’s not that naive.)

  16. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 13, 2014 at 8:24 am #

    Sometimes a Zullo is just a Zullo.

    Nancy Ruth Owens: If Mike Zullo’s true identity is …

  17. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 13, 2014 at 8:26 am #

    It’s an Arizona non-profit corporation, and it is not law enforcement.

    The Magic M (not logged in): So it’s not law enforcement but a corporation?

  18. avatar
    sactosintolerant March 13, 2014 at 9:23 am #

    Speculating about motives is fun but really just a distraction. We’ll never know Zullo’s reasons for doing this, but his shoddy investigation and unwillingness to retract blatantly bad info (eg, coding manual, use of “African American”) or address debunkings (eg, Xerox) are out there for anyone with two halves of a brain to see.

    Having said that, I’d like to think he really is just an idiot. If you can accept that some common birthers are true believers, why not Zullo too?

  19. avatar
    bgansel9 March 13, 2014 at 10:12 am #

    Egipcios: If Arpaio is to run for Governor, then the financial scandal around Zullo becomes a potentially disastrous fire that will be required to be extinguished. Immediately.

    And since Governor Brewer announced yesterday that she will not try to seek another term (there was a question about whether she could, but she had suggested in the past that she might try to), the gubernatorial candidate with the most name recognition (should he choose to run) would be one Joseph Arpaio (God help us!)

  20. avatar
    CarlOrcas March 13, 2014 at 11:03 am #

    The Magic M (not logged in): So it’s not law enforcement but a corporation?

    All of the posses are separate non-profit corporations. They have no relationship to each other and, other than wearing the department uniform, badge and driving around in marked cars, no connection to the sheriff’s office and, of course, they have no law enforcement authority.

    Confusing, isn’t it?

  21. avatar
    Majority Will March 13, 2014 at 11:17 am #

    The Magic M (not logged in): Why not “Z-Bits” (as in “exhibits”)? They only have bits for brains, too.

    That’s perfect.

  22. avatar
    Nancy Ruth Owens March 13, 2014 at 11:29 am #

    The Doc has blocked my earlier comment….

    [No, I just moved it to the Open Thread, as it has nothing to do with Mike Zullo. Doc.]

  23. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 13, 2014 at 11:36 am #

    I like it.

    Dave B.: How about Zu-bots?

  24. avatar
    bgansel9 March 13, 2014 at 11:38 am #

    Doc? Why are you protecting a self-confessed killer? I’m curious.

  25. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 13, 2014 at 11:51 am #

    I’m protecting the integrity of the thread.

    bgansel9:
    Doc? Why are you protecting a self-confessed killer? I’m curious.

  26. avatar
    bgansel9 March 13, 2014 at 11:57 am #

    She talks about killing people on threads all over this site and then goes on this thread and talks about someone else having a fake name and having no integrity due to having a fake name which isn’t even a proven fact. I think the fact that she’s on this site posting about the murders she says she committed gives her no integrity

  27. avatar
    Jim March 13, 2014 at 12:15 pm #

    Cold Case Posse Dictionary

    Zullo-Bot: Fanatical follower of Mike Zullo’s fake investigation who
    does not understand they’re being lied to.

    Zulloed: Being scammed out of money for a fake investigation

    Zulloxed: Bewildered or perplexed at why a fake investigation has
    produced no charges and no evidence.

    Zullo Product: The work product of the CCP, of no use in real world

    Zullodicted: The empty threat of indictments by the CCP

    Zullodavit: The useless affidavit of someone that has no direct
    knowledge of what they claim to have knowledge of.

    Zullonesses: CCP expert witnesses who are not experts at all.

    Zullodar: CCP calendar. Every day is any day now!

    Zullotime: The length of time that the CCP can keep the Zullo-bots
    zulloed.

    Zullowed: CCP telling Zullo-bots that you were fired when you quit.

    Zullonoia: The idea that anyone really cares what the CCP is up to.

    Zullomath: Totally made up numbers

    Zullonoscopy: The act of Zullo sticking his head up his bun and
    ignoring any evidence that doesn’t follow his script.

    Zullopedo: The act of torpedoing your own fake investigation by not
    verifying the accuracy of your evidence.

    Zulloalker: Getting thrown out of a nursing home because they’re
    afraid you’re a stalker.

  28. avatar
    bgansel9 March 13, 2014 at 12:35 pm #

    Jim: Zullotime: The length of time that the CCP can keep the Zullo-bots
    zulloed.

    LOL Someone could make up a song that can be sung to the tune of “Living on Tulsa Time” :P

  29. avatar
    JPotter March 13, 2014 at 12:46 pm #

    Jim: Cold Case Posse Dictionary

    Please add: Zullergs n. unit of measure, used to express the sum total pressure applied against the bounds of reason at a given moment by the combined hopes and dreams of all Zu-bots everywhere, including the wind generated by the pronouncements of Zu-bot #1, Zullo himself. Note: observation has proven Zullergs to have a upper and lower bound of zero.

    bgansel9: LOLSomeone could make up a song that can be sung to the tune of “Living on Tulsa Time”

    Challenge accepted. Could also throw in another Tulsa-themed parody: “Take me back to Zullo, I’m too dumb to be carried …”

  30. avatar
    The Magic M (not logged in) March 13, 2014 at 12:49 pm #

    Jim: Cold Case Posse Dictionary

    Zullomania: (n.) the frenzy that precedes every OMG moment about shattering evidence

    Zullopresser: (n.) media stunt to present old and debunked evidence to the birther audience (because nobody else bothers showing up)

    Zullopyright: (v.) to limit the ability of Obots to debunk a report by copyrighting and then hiding it

    Zulloloid: (n.) the fairy dust birther YouTube videos are recorded on

    Zulloweet: (v.) to tweet old news as breaking news

    Zullot, Zullotta: (n.) nothing, as in “we have Zullotta evidence!”

    Zulloom: (v.) to ominously threaten to unravel Obama’s presidency if made public

  31. avatar
    Dave B. March 13, 2014 at 12:56 pm #

    Okay, the obvious term, which needs no explanation: Zullible.

  32. avatar
    Jim March 13, 2014 at 1:17 pm #

    JPotter: Please add:

    It won’t let me add now, maybe Doc could have some fun and compile all the suggestions together.

  33. avatar
    Dave B. March 13, 2014 at 1:20 pm #

    Okay, how about Zullification: the universe-shattering event when the release of Zullo’s hidden information makes all the usurper’s executive orders, laws and Supreme Court appointments Zull and void.
    Or, come to think of it, Zuniverse– an alternate universe in which Zullo really is everything the Zu-bots think he is.
    Or Zusurper– one of Zullo’s birther rivals.
    Or the Zupreme Court– that’s the one that’s going to pass judgment on Doc, Foggy, RC and all the rest of us.
    And how about Zuthfulness: a measure of how far Zullo’s claims diverge from the actual truth.

  34. avatar
    Dave B. March 13, 2014 at 1:23 pm #

    Then there’s Zuthiness…

  35. avatar
    Zu Bot March 13, 2014 at 1:32 pm #

    Interesting post…but not as interesting as Obama’s birth certificate being found to be a 100% fraud through forensic science.

    I have a question for you…

    Who’s back would you have on any given day?

    Obama’s or Zullo’s?

    I’ll take Zullo’s instead of a man who lies every time his mouth opens.

  36. avatar
    bgansel9 March 13, 2014 at 1:54 pm #

    JPotter: Challenge accepted. Could also throw in another Tulsa-themed parody: “Take me back to Zullo, I’m too dumb to be carried …”

    LOL Cool!

  37. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 13, 2014 at 1:59 pm #

    Ah, a true Zu-Bot. You think that there is a scientific forensic report saying that Obama’s birth certificate is a 100% fraud, even though you have never seen it. You’re even using terms you don’t understand like “forensic science.” You trust Zullo when in fact every time he has let you down.

    You are the perfect Zu-Bot!

    Zu Bot: Interesting post…but not as interesting as Obama’s birth certificate being found to be a 100% fraud through forensic science.

  38. avatar
    bgansel9 March 13, 2014 at 2:12 pm #

    Dr. Conspiracy: You are the perfect Zu-Bot!

    When I read that, it sounds as if you wrote it with the inflection of the announcement on The Weakest Link!

  39. avatar
    CarlOrcas March 13, 2014 at 2:17 pm #

    Zu Bot: Interesting post…but not as interesting as Obama’s birth certificate being found to be a 100% fraud through forensic science.

    Wow! Now that’s news. Where did you see that?

  40. avatar
    Majority Will March 13, 2014 at 2:19 pm #

    Zu Bot:
    Interesting post…but not as interesting as Obama’s birth certificate being found to be a 100% fraud through forensic science.

    I have a question for you…

    Who’s back would you have on any given day?

    Obama’s or Zullo’s?

    I’ll take Zullo’s instead of a man who lies every time his mouth opens.

    I sincerely hope you’ve given Left Tenant Zullo a LOT of money to aid in his Zuvestigations.

  41. avatar
    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater March 13, 2014 at 2:33 pm #

    Zu Bot:
    Interesting post…but not as interesting as Obama’s birth certificate being found to be a 100% fraud through forensic science.

    I have a question for you…

    Who’s back would you have on any given day?

    Obama’s or Zullo’s?

    I’ll take Zullo’s instead of a man who lies every time his mouth opens.

    Have you considered standup comedy? You tell some really good zingers. No forensic science has never been involved when it came to birtherism. The issuing authority says its legit no amount of fake internet experts changes that.

    Wait what? You said you’d take Zullo instead of a man who lies every time his mouth opens… I’m sorry to inform you but you just picked that guy. Zullo is not a Lt. He’s not law enforcement, he’s a scam artist.

  42. avatar
    Dave B. March 13, 2014 at 2:34 pm #

    You mean through “Zurensic science.” Presumably done by Zurtified Zurensic DocZument Examiners. Have you by any chance seen your leader’s birth Zurtificate?

    Zu Bot:
    Interesting post…but not as interesting as Obama’s birth certificate being found to be a 100% fraud through forensic science.

    I have a question for you…

    Who’s back would you have on any given day?

    Obama’s or Zullo’s?

    I’ll take Zullo’s instead of a man who lies every time his mouth opens.

  43. avatar
    Dave B. March 13, 2014 at 2:37 pm #

    Accompanied, of course, on kaZullo.

    bgansel9: LOLSomeone could make up a song that can be sung to the tune of “Living on Tulsa Time”

  44. avatar
    BillTheCat March 13, 2014 at 3:02 pm #

    Zu Bot:
    Interesting post…but not as interesting as Obama’s birth certificate being found to be a 100% fraud through forensic science.

    I have a question for you…

    Who’s back would you have on any given day?

    Obama’s or Zullo’s?

    I’ll take Zullo’s instead of a man who lies every time his mouth opens.

    AWW poor baby, you mad? Obama is a two term president, and you and Zullo are nobodies.

  45. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG March 13, 2014 at 3:17 pm #

    Zu Bot: I’ll take Zullo’s instead of a man who lies every time his mouth opens.

    Not sure if satire.

  46. avatar
    Majority Will March 13, 2014 at 3:23 pm #

    Dave B.: Presumably done by Zurtified Zurensic DocZument Examiners.

    ExZuminers. ;-)

  47. avatar
    Dave B. March 13, 2014 at 3:26 pm #

    I think they have to get a court order for that.

    Majority Will: ExZuminers.

  48. avatar
    bgansel9 March 13, 2014 at 3:32 pm #

    I think my personal moniker for them will be Zulloons.

  49. avatar
    BatGuano March 13, 2014 at 3:35 pm #

    Zu Bot:
    ….. found to be a 100% fraud through forensic science.

    whenever i read this claim i imagine a child trying to stuff a square peg into a round hole hundreds of times then proclaiming, with “100%” certainty, that pegs don’t fit in holes.

  50. avatar
    J.D. Sue March 13, 2014 at 3:56 pm #

    Zuly (alternative spelling: Zull-lie): month in which a press conference will finally shatter the universe.

  51. avatar
    RanTalbott March 13, 2014 at 4:07 pm #

    Is “The Zullo Enigma” supposed to be the sequel to “The Born Identity?”?

  52. avatar
    Thomas Brown March 13, 2014 at 4:28 pm #

    Nobody expects the Forensic Inquisition!

  53. avatar
    Rickey March 13, 2014 at 4:48 pm #

    Zu Bot:

    I have a question for you…

    Who’s back would you have on any given day?

    Obama’s or Zullo’s?

    If I ever had the misfortune of meeting Mike Zullo, the last thing that I would do is expose my back to him. I wouldn’t buy a car from him, either.

  54. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 13, 2014 at 6:58 pm #

    Double ouch!

    RanTalbott:
    Is “The Zullo Enigma” supposed to be the sequel to “The Born Identity?”?

    Thomas Brown:
    Nobody expects the Forensic Inquisition!

  55. avatar
    Sam the Centipede March 13, 2014 at 7:17 pm #

    bgansel9: o

    bgansel9:
    I think my personal moniker for them will be Zulloons.

    Ah yes, let’s have a party with helium-filled zulloons!

  56. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy March 13, 2014 at 7:30 pm #

    Email comment on this article from Brian Reilly:

    I have no idea how much money flows into birther organizations. When I was on the board of the Surprise Tea Party Patriots we accepted donations from people who attended the twice a month meetings. Since I’m not a member of the Surprise Tea Party Patriots I have no idea about their current funding.

    As far as Mr. Zullo goes, you’ll have to make your own judgment about his motivation to continue the investigation in view of the Verification of Birth.

  57. avatar
    JPotter March 14, 2014 at 7:59 am #

    bgansel9: LOLSomeone could make up a song that can be sung to the tune of “Living on Tulsa Time”

    Living on Zullotime

    Well I left Oklahoma,
    All set to take my country back,
    I done went and lost my mind;
    I was going to Arizona, [Zullo!]
    Maybe on to California, [Orly!]
    To see birfs bigger than mine!
    My momma called me crazy;
    My baby said I’m lazy;
    Gonna show em all this time!
    Cause you know I ain’t no fooling;
    I don’t need no more damn schoolin';
    Just wanna waste my time.

    Living on Zullotime;
    Living on Zullotime.
    Gonna set my watch back to it,
    Cause you know me, they’ll just redo it!
    Living on Zullotime.

    So there I was in Maricopa,
    Thinking soon it would be ovah,
    Typing out my birfin’ lines.
    They don’t want me in the movies,
    I still ain’t got no groupies,
    It’ lonely here among the pines.
    So then I started thinking,
    And I got to weepin’,
    I really had a flash this time;
    I had no business leaving,
    Ain’t nobody would be grieving,
    Seen I’m on Zullotime.

    Living on Zullotime;
    Living on Zullotime.
    Gonna set my watch back to it,
    Cause you know me, they’ll just redo it!
    Living on Zullotime.

    [It didn't take much; seems this one was already written for the birthers!]

  58. avatar
    JPotter March 14, 2014 at 8:02 am #

    Kick me back to Zullo
    [With apologies to Bob Wills ... ]

    Where’s that dude with a big badge on?
    He’ll save me from Obumma.
    Stole my mind away from me,
    Way down in Arizona.

    [Chorus]
    Kick me back to Zullo
    I’m too dumb to carry;
    Kick me back to Zullo
    I’m too dumb to carry!

    Bad man makes the Youtubes,
    Dumb man calls them funny;
    Poor man clicks the button,
    Grifter takes the money.

    [Chorus]

    [Bridge]
    Walkin’ talkin’ stupid;
    Walkin’ talkin’ stupid;
    Walkin’ talkin’ stupid;
    Wal-kin’… tal-kin’… stu-pi-i-id!

    [Chorus]

    We went and stole a posse,
    Maricopa’s golden shower;
    Travel all over the country
    Paying by the hour.

    [Chorus]

    [Interlude]

    [Finale]
    Kick me back to Zullo
    I’m too dumb to carry;
    Kick me back to Zullo
    I can not de-bate theeeee …

  59. avatar
    The Magic M March 14, 2014 at 9:23 am #

    Zullo the Zero

    (based on Elton John’s “Too Low for Zero”)

    Constitutional alarm
    I get the wake up call
    Let that sucker jingle-jangle
    Ring right off the wall
    I’m Zullo the zero
    I’m too racist to work
    Tied one on with Orly Taitz last night
    And wound up losing my badge

    I’m Zullo the zero

    I’m on a losing streak
    I got myself in a Gallups lately
    I can’t seem to get much sleep
    I’m Zullo the zero

    I wind up conning sheep
    Nothing seems to make much sense
    It’s all just Kenyan to me
    You know I’m Zullo, Zullo, Zullo the zero
    You know I’m Zullo, Zullo, Zullo the zero

    Cutting out cards of Corsi
    Switching off the late night Fox
    Switching my brain off two hours early
    It isn’t any use
    I’m Zullo the zero

    Arpaio attacks
    Watching FOX with my posse till sunrise
    It’s daylight when I hit the sack

  60. avatar
    Jim March 14, 2014 at 9:57 am #

    JPotter: Living on Zullotime

    Thanks JPotter! Catchy tune…I was singing it the shower this morning!

    ♫ Living on Zullo Time… ♫

  61. avatar
    Jim March 14, 2014 at 12:16 pm #

    I was trying to think of another song to make lyric changes to, but this one just fit Zullo with absolutely no changes.

    “Crazy Train”

    [Daisley - Osbourne - Rhoads]

    All aboard! Hahaha

    Crazy, but that’s how it goes
    Millions of people living as foes
    Maybe. it’s not too late
    To learn how to love, and forget how to hate

    Mental wounds not healing
    Life’s a bitter shame
    I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train
    I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train

    I’ve listened to preachers,
    I’ve listened to fools
    I’ve watched all the dropouts
    Who make their own rules
    One person conditioned to rule and control
    The media sells it and you live the role

    Mental wounds still screaming
    Driving me insane
    I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train
    I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train

    I know that things are going wrong for me
    You gotta listen to my words, yeah, yeah

    Heirs of a cold war,
    that’s what we’ve become
    Inheriting troubles,
    I’m mentally numb
    Crazy, I just cannot bear
    I’m living with something that just isn’t fair

    Mental wounds not healing
    Who and what’s to blame
    I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train
    I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train

  62. avatar
    bgansel9 March 14, 2014 at 12:17 pm #

    JPotter: Living on Zullotime

    That’s awesome! :P Good work JP.

  63. avatar
    Dave B. March 14, 2014 at 12:52 pm #

    And part-time Zu-bot Pat Boone covered it, too.

    Jim: I was trying to think of another song to make lyric changes to, but this one just fit Zullo with absolutely no changes.

    “Crazy Train”

    [Daisley - Osbourne - Rhoads]

    All aboard! Hahaha

  64. avatar
    JPotter March 14, 2014 at 11:32 pm #

    Jim: Thanks JPotter! Catchy tune…I was singing it the shower this morning!

    Thanks, Jim! It was bgansel9’s suggestion.

    Give Kick Me Back to Zullo a try, too … it’s insanely catchy. Fine fiddlin’! Here’s a couple of Bob Wills’ renditions, if you aren’t familiar:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCjbMdY8dZE (early version)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1YtImqPW8c (later lyrics, vintage footage)