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Birther tax

A modest proposal

In the United States today’s tax day, the deadline for filing federal income tax forms for 2013. I E-filed mine yesterday and mailed my quarterly estimated tax payments today. Let’s just say that I have a lot less money today than I did two days ago. For some reason paying my taxes is an anxious experience, I guess because I am afraid that I will make a mistake.

If I may speak partially out ignorance for a moment, it seems to me that one of the differences between conservatives and liberals is that liberals want to distribute the burden of funding government programs using a formula where the largest share goes to those who can best afford it, while conservatives want the burden of funding government programs to fall more on those who use the programs, the latter approach labeled “user fees.”

I remember that when my son attended UC Berkeley, one of the mandatory student fees paid for unlimited public bus transit. Everybody paid the fee (and we could just as well call it a tax) whether they rode the bus or not. I pay property tax to support schools, even though I have no school-age children.

It seems to me that birthers consume an inordinate amount of government resources when they file repetitive lawsuits, say irresponsible things that require Secret Service investigation, file FOIA requests, bug congressmen, degrade public education by promoting false history, require police supervision for demonstrations, claim undeserved tax subsidies, and generally make a nuisance of themselves. Why shouldn’t they pay a user fee for their conspiracy activism?

Here’s my solution: a birther tax:

birther tax

Just an idea.

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15 Responses to Birther tax

  1. avatar
    The European April 15, 2014 at 2:48 pm #

    I know that you do not have much of this, but in most countries the loser pays all, that is also the lawyer of the winner. There is help for poor people of course, but they can not file nonsense on the dime of the taxpayer. Problem solved …..

  2. avatar
    Arthur April 15, 2014 at 3:04 pm #

    “Let’s just say that I have a lot less money today than I did two days ago.”

    You need to speak to Mitt Romney’s accountant!

  3. avatar
    JPotter April 15, 2014 at 4:16 pm #

    Very nicely done, but I think the low $20 flat rate is entirely too generous. Also doesn’t ask for proof of birf, or whether the joint-filing spouse has birf’d. Clearly, a new form is needed (yay!), the 1040-EZ-BIRF.

    Further, donations to birfer causes (websites, “legal defense funds”, purchase of birfer material) should be added to taxable income, at a significant rate, in order to assess the cost of supporting stupid on a proportional basis. Say, funds directed to birferism a “deductible” at -1,000% ;)

  4. avatar
    CarlOrcas April 15, 2014 at 4:27 pm #

    Nice job, Doc!

  5. avatar
    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater April 15, 2014 at 4:58 pm #

    I can just see it now birthers now saying Doc committed a federal crime by forging a federal tax document! He must have been the BC forger!

  6. avatar
    Andrew Vrba, PmG April 15, 2014 at 5:28 pm #

    Nice one, Doc!

  7. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy April 15, 2014 at 5:30 pm #

    Thanks. It would have been better if I had the Helvetica font that’s actually used on the tax form. But it’s close enough for comedy.

    Andrew Vrba, PmG:
    Nice one, Doc!

  8. avatar
    CarlOrcas April 15, 2014 at 8:52 pm #

    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater:
    I can just see it now birthers now saying Doc committed a federal crime by forging a federal tax document!He must have been the BC forger!

    They’re frantic for anything.

    In the latest entry on BR they are accusing the White House of photoshopping some pictures that appeared in a Washingtonian Magazine profile of press secretary Jay Carney and his family.

    Add that to the Russian artwork on their walls and it’s clear…..Obama is a commie. Right?

  9. avatar
    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater April 15, 2014 at 10:03 pm #

    CarlOrcas: In the latest entry on BR they are accusing the White House of photoshopping some pictures that appeared in a Washingtonian Magazine profile of press secretary Jay Carney and his family.

    Well did they really think that Jay Carney holds press conferences with his kids? Man birthers are dumb. I guess they think every magazine they look like every photo in it must be 100% real and not touched up, airbrushed, etc.

  10. avatar
    CarlOrcas April 15, 2014 at 11:30 pm #

    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: Well did they really think that Jay Carney holds press conferences with his kids?Man birthers are dumb.I guess they think every magazine they look like every photo in it must be 100% real and not touched up, airbrushed, etc.

    And, more to the point, why would the White House (the President?) care about the photographs in that piece???

    Dumb, dumb, dumb.

  11. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy April 16, 2014 at 7:09 am #

    I have an icon of St. Cyrill and Methodius. Am I in trouble?

    CarlOrcas: Add that to the Russian artwork on their walls and it’s clear…..Obama is a commie. Right?

  12. avatar
    Rickey April 16, 2014 at 10:24 am #

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    I have an icon of St. Cyrill and Methodius. Am I in trouble?

    There is a store in Arlington, Texas which carries mostly Russian/Soviet memorabilia. It used to be called Russian island but now it is Russian Island/Taste of Europe.

    http://russianisland.com/store.htm

  13. avatar
    CarlOrcas April 16, 2014 at 11:09 am #

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    I have an icon of St. Cyrill and Methodius. Am I in trouble?

    It’s just more evidence. *FALCON* keeps track of this stuff, you know. It isn’t going to go well for you at the trial.

  14. avatar
    Benji Franklin April 16, 2014 at 12:14 pm #

    CarlOrcas: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater:
    I can just see it now birthers now saying Doc committed a federal crime by forging a federal tax document!He must have been the BC forger!

    They’re frantic for anything.

    Yes, Orly, Mike Volin, Kerchner , Sharon, Gallups, Manning, WND, et al are always straining, bending, distorting, and misleading by trying to cast everything connected to Obama as being evil or illegal or unconstitutional.

    Doc’s Birther tax is a splendid idea!

    But given Orly’s problems with English, I’m afraid she would think that there is only one “Standard Deduction” which is, concluding from no supporting evidence that “President Obama is an Usurper.”

    But, as a Birther straining to make every pen stroke into a “Birther-styled” Obama insult, she might opt to submit an itemized “DEDUCTION” like:

    1) All Barack Obama’s are black.

    2) All Blacks are not the POTUS.

    3) Therefore not all Barack Obama’s are ALL black.

  15. avatar
    Thomas Brown April 16, 2014 at 1:27 pm #

    Benji Franklin: “President Obama is an Usurper.”

    But, as a Birther straining to make every pen stroke into a “Birther-styled” Obama insult, she might opt to submit an itemized “DEDUCTION” like:

    1) All Barack Obama’s are black.

    2) All Blacks are not the POTUS.

    3) Therefore not all Barack Obama’s are ALL black.

    Oww… ow! You’re making my brain bleed around the place I keep Logic.