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Sketches from “The Birthers”

Photo of Dr. ConspiracyThis is just one of those things I think about at leisure, a fantasy opera named “The Birthers.” It’s entertaining to imagine how the Birther story could be told in an operatic form. I envision a cast of familiar Birther characters, and two choruses: the Birther chorus and the Obot chorus.

The opera opens with this aria sung by the character, Phil Berg:

Obama è Mobile (sung to the tune of La donna è mobile)

(Berg)

Obama è mobile
Photo of Luciano PavarottiQuickly from Africa
Where his mom birthed him
There in Mombasa…
Among the lions,
Among the tigers
Then quickly home
To register his birth.

(birther chorus)

Quickly home,
Quickly home
To register his birth.
Quickly home,
Quickly home
To register his birth.

Obese opera singerThen there’s an aria by Orly Taitz titled, “Obama is Usurper.” That aria would be interrupted by the Mario Apuzzo character singing his aria “The Mouth of Truth” (I’ll keep the tune to myself for the moment).

The Mouth of Truth

(Apuzzo)

I am the Mouth of Truth.
Come to me and you’ll get the right answers.
If you believe in me
And think not for yourselves,
I’ll tell you what you should think.

(birther chorus)

He is the Mouth of Truth.
He is the Mouth of Truth.
He is the Mouth of Truth.
Trust in what he says.

Photo of judge and GavelAt that point Orly sings again, the duet with Apuzzo, “Let Me Feeneesh.” Orly begins the duet with an interminably long introduction culminating in an exasperated Apuzzo reintroducing the theme from “The Mouth of Truth.”  The duet continues with increasing intensity as each singer battles for time. Just as Orly shrieks  her loudest “Let Me Feeneesh!” the black-robed Judge appears and swings a giant gavel to stop them, as he begins his own aria, “Frivolous.”

Throughout the action, the Leo Donofrio character sits on the sidelines waving a thick document that no one pays attention to.

The opera is, of course, a tragedy. Infighting among the birthers, loss of job, family strife, monetary sanctions and jail time plague the characters.

Photo of large operatic chorusThroughout, the Obot chorus intones dire warnings of the impending disaster. Some of their choruses include “Wong, You are Wong,” “99 Lawsuits,” “The Impossible Dream” and “Requiem for a Conspiracy Theorist.”

The opera marches to its inevitable conclusion as they lose case after case until the final blow arrives, the Barack Obama character, re-elected to another term, appears for the first time and sings his aria, “I do solemnly swear” to the wailing backdrop of the Birther chorus.

Photo of Obama taking oath of office as Presidentt

Just for fun.

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21 Responses to Sketches from “The Birthers”

  1. avatar
    Rickey February 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    Well done. Inspired, even!

  2. avatar
    JPotter February 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm #

    This could go far! Opera is definitely an appropriate form.

    Jackboots? Marching frogs? Got to spoof the PDF madness. A crowd of Birthers in Holmesian garb with oversized magnifying glasses .. smeared with vaseline.

    The (mis)use of YouTube …. fawning crowds worshipping YouTube.

    The use of the Founders as sock puppets.

    A gleaming idol of Vattel, next to a massive copy of his Law of Nations on a tall grimoire.

    Lots and lots of TinFoil. Perhaps some style inspiration from Metropolis!

    A running gag, birthers averting their gaze in unison whenever a fov’t or Obot presents a document.

    Corsi with his flag pin. You know the one.

    Background cameos by the KKK.

    My heart goes on … ;)

  3. avatar
    Majority Will February 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm #

    JPotter:
    This could go far! Opera is definitely an appropriate form.

    Jackboots? Marching frogs? Got to spoof the PDF madness. A crowd of Birthers in Holmesian garb with oversized magnifying glasses .. smeared with vaseline.

    The (mis)use of YouTube …. fawning crowds worshipping YouTube.

    The use of the Founders as sock puppets.

    A gleaming idol of Vattel, next to a massive copy of his Law of Nations on a tall grimoire.

    Lots and lots of TinFoil. Perhaps some style inspiration from Metropolis!

    A running gag, birthers averting their gaze in unison whenever a fov’t or Obot presents a document.

    Corsi with his flag pin. You know the one.

    Background cameos by the KKK.

    My heart goes on …

    “Birther of a Notion”

  4. avatar
    ASK Esq February 15, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

    To be honest, I can’t see the birther farce rating a traditional opera. Perhaps comic opera or operetta. Birthers of Penzance, anyone?

    I am the very model of a modern Constitutionalist…

  5. avatar
    Paper February 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm #

    Brilliant!

  6. avatar
    JPotter February 15, 2012 at 5:57 pm #

    ASK Esq: I am the very model of a modern Constitutionalist…

    One syllable too many! I suggest: Constitution’ist

    Could be a fun term for Birther “constitutional experts”, the guys that get all hyped up on apuzo and donofrio and think they know something!

  7. avatar
    Squeeky Fromm February 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

    DrC:

    This was great, hilarious, and very creative!!! If you do it, and need songs, just let me know. Great minds must be thinking alike because I found this old timey guy named Red Skeleton who was a clown, but also wrote a lot of music, which I am looking for one to do a Frog March to.

    But on Operas, to ASK Esq., maybe the Beggars Opera or one of Sigmund Rombergs thingies. Because the Mounty Song would work well with “Here Come the Birthers” which I am also playing with. And “When I’m Suing You – ew ew ew ew ew ewwww!” Oh don’t get me started.

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

  8. avatar
    Scientist February 15, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    The opera won’t be over until Victoria Jackson sings.

  9. avatar
    The Magic M February 15, 2012 at 6:38 pm #

    I always figured I’d rewrite the classic Queen song somewhere along these lines:

    “Birtherian Rhapsody

    Where is the real file?
    Where is his true BC?
    Caught up in ballot trials
    No escape from conspiracy

    Open the book
    Give Vattel a look and see…
    He’s a usurper
    He gets no sympathy
    Because he wasn’t born
    In Hawaii
    All his life
    Is a lie

    Anything that he shows
    Doesn’t really matter to me
    To me…”

    (will continue later ;-)

  10. avatar
    The Magic M February 15, 2012 at 6:48 pm #

    (cont.)

    “Mama, who is my dad?
    Martha says it’s Malcolm X
    Did you guys really have sex?
    Mama, I was President
    But then they came and frog-marched me away…

    Fuddy, ooooh oooh
    Didn’t mean to make you lie
    If Trump hasn’t shut up this time tomorrow
    Carry on, carry on with scrubbing links at Justia

    Too late, I messed it up
    Oh that forgery was bad, and that Minor Happersett…
    Good-bye, my dear Obots, I’m busted now
    Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
    Mama, oooh oooh
    My teleprompter broke
    I sometimes wish I were back in Kenya”

    (to be continued)

  11. avatar
    The Magic M February 15, 2012 at 6:58 pm #

    (cont.)

    “I see a big fat silhouetto of a man
    Sheriff Joe! Sheriff Joe! Will you put me in pink tights?
    Orly Taitz and Putzo giving me the boot – oh wee!
    Donofrio, Donofrio
    Donofrio, Donofrio
    Donofrio, Apuzzo (magnifico)

    I’m just a Kenyan, nobody likes me
    He’s Indonesian, not an NBC
    Spare the US from his communist spree
    ‘Showed a COLB and long form, here’s where I was born’
    Holy Cao! No! Your papers you must show!

    Oh Jerome Corsi, Jerome Corsi! Jerome Corsi please let go!
    The birther mob has a gallows set aside for me, for me, for meeeee….

    So you think you can fool us and be President?
    You’re not white and not right-wing, yet think you’re god-sent?
    Oh baby, can’t let this happen baby
    Gotta get you out, gotta get you right out of office!

    Though the courts may tell us
    You’re an NBC
    Though the courts may tell us
    Nothing of that matters to me

    ‘Cause we’re really racist…”

    Gotta go to bed now, maybe I’ll improve it some day, this just flowed out of my keyboard. :)

  12. avatar
    Keith February 15, 2012 at 7:16 pm #

    Along these lines, Australia has Keating: The Musical

    Paul Keating was the Treasurer under Prime Minister Bob Hawke, then deposed Hawke to be Prime Minister himself. He was later defeated in an election by John Howard. Howard was actually visiting the White House on 9/11 (even though Bush was in Florida). Bush later appointed Howard to “Deputy Sheriff”.

    In order to understand Keating: The Musical you really need a lot of background, but this is an excerpt that pretty much captures Howard’s personality:

    John Howard Power

    Keating was known for his tongue (and collecting antique French clocks, and his Armani suits). This vid preserves Keating at his best in Parliament, responding to a Censure Motion brought by Howard just after he had regained the leader of the opposition role.

    Paul Keating v John Howard

    The Australian Parliament can be really fun sometimes; the US Congress will never touch it.

  13. avatar
    Keith February 15, 2012 at 7:18 pm #

    Sorry, hit submit before I had fixed the link:

    Paul Keating v John Howard

  14. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy February 15, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

    Oh my. You know some of us grew up with Red Skelton. Old timey, hmmpf.

    Squeeky Fromm: I found this old timey guy named Red Skeleton who was a clown,

  15. avatar
    Arthur February 15, 2012 at 9:18 pm #

    The Magic M: Gotta go to bed now, maybe I’ll improve it some day, this just flowed out of my keyboard

    That’s the way artistic inspiration works–loved it, by the way!

  16. avatar
    Rickey February 15, 2012 at 10:23 pm #

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    Oh my. You know some of us grew up with Red Skelton. Old timey, hmmpf.

    Ah, Clem Kadiddlehopper and Freddie the Freeloader!

  17. avatar
    misha February 16, 2012 at 1:43 am #

    Scientist:
    The opera won’t be over until Victoria Jackson sings. [bada-bing]

  18. avatar
    misha February 16, 2012 at 1:54 am #

    Scientist: The opera won’t be over until Victoria Jackson sings.

    Die Walküre: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aKAH_t0aXA

    Every time I listen to Wagner, I feel like invading Poland. – Woody Allen

  19. avatar
    misha February 16, 2012 at 2:23 am #

    VLADIMIR: We’re waiting for Godot.

    ESTRAGON: You’re sure it was here?

    VLADIMIR: He said by the tree. Do you see any others? What are you insinuating? That we’ve come to the wrong place?

    ESTRAGON: He should be here.

    VLADIMIR: He didn’t say for sure he’d come.

    ESTRAGON: And if he doesn’t come?

    VLADIMIR: We’ll come back tomorrow.

    ESTRAGON: Hey, who’s that approaching?

    VLADIMIR: It looks like Godot.

    GODOT: Hi guys. I was at a Tea Party meeting, and lost track of the time. We were talking about Obama not being a natural born citizen. His father was from Kenya, and never a citizen – you know what that means.

    VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON: We’ll never see our families again!

    [Lightning and thunder] Curtains close.

  20. avatar
    Paul Pieniezny February 16, 2012 at 7:07 am #

    It’s spring time for Orly and Moldavia:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=BE&v=zSn_4B6OHXs

  21. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy February 16, 2012 at 9:00 am #

    I prefer the works of Fartov and Belcher.

    misha: Curtains close.