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The dog ate my attorney

Excuses, excuses

Birthers have lost a lot of lawsuits and ballot challenges (the number 99 is mentioned). Birthers don’t address the disparity between their optimism at the outset and the results they get, but they do make excuses. By far the most common excuse is a defect in the courts. “The judge ruled against us because…”

  • Obama bribed the judge
  • Obama threatened the judge
  • The judge is an Obama supporter
  • The judge is a left-wing ideologue
  • The judge is a traitor
  • The judge didn’t look at the evidence
  • The judge didn’t know the law
  • The judge is an evil man
  • The judge is afraid of riots in the streets

With every loss that excuse gets thinner and thinner and so we’ve seen a glimmer of a new strategy. Instead of blaming the judge, blame the Birther attorney.

Dean Haskins has most recently taken the lead in his criticism of the competence of Birther attorney Orly Taitz. However, Orly Taitz is at best responsible for just a handful of losses (one out of three in Georgia). No, the attorney most to blame for sheer incompetence is one able to practice in all 50 states, pro se. Birthers say that they are losing cases because individual birther defendants aren’t competent to represent themselves (and lack resources), and so they lose. When real lawyers (excluding Orly Taitz of course) are involved, the losses are the fault of the court for one or more of the reasons listed above.

We’re seeing this new excuse tried out on the Article II Super PAC site. The Birthers are tying to raise money to hire a good lawyer (for some reason Apuzzo was not invited) and they have settled on Larry Klayman1.  The Article II PAC says:

Someone representing himself in court has a fool for a client – some eligibility challenge plaintiffs lack representation, funding.

Of course the Article II Super PAC is trying to raise money not excuse prior losses, but the principle is out there and I wouldn’t wonder if the excuse gains in popularity.


1I couldn’t get a solid sense of Klayman’s competence from all the biased material I’m finding. It does seem that Klayman thinks like a prosecutor (which he was). I would think an Obama attorney would take Klayman more seriously than they did Moe, Larry, and Curly.

Klayman writes a weekly column for WorldNetDaily where he wrote:

Barack Hussein Obama, our president, is a traitor. Finally, his hatred for our nation and his plan to destroy it are crystal clear. He must be forced from office – legally – before our entire country goes down the drain for the final count!

Much has gone on in the last three years to show Obama’s true colors, sympathetic not to Judeo-Christians values and culture, but Islam and its surrogate-controlled states.

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39 Responses to The dog ate my attorney

  1. avatar
    realist February 11, 2012 at 7:41 pm #

    Birthers can make up all the excuses they wish, they can retain any attorney they wish (yes, Klayman can most likely draw up an “adequate” complaint or petition or whatever he chooses to file) but the fact remains the birther’ main problem is there’s no case.

    No matter who they hire, no matter how seriously (or not) the attorney is taken, it will change neither the facts nor the law, neither of which is on their side.

  2. avatar
    gorefan February 11, 2012 at 8:18 pm #

    What I don’t understand about the Florida challenge is that they say they need $12,500 ($12,500 for Florida and $12,500 for California) by Monday or Tuesday to mount the challenges. But there was no Florida Democratic primary, so there is no ballot to challenge. And it is way too early to challenge the November election ballot.

    So why the rush to get that much money to basically fill out a form?

  3. avatar
    John Potter February 11, 2012 at 8:29 pm #

    He who has Orly Taitz for a lawyer …. also has Orly Taitz for a client.

    Taits, Klayman, Shemp, it doesn’t matter! No lawyer can present that case!

    Trying to make Something out of Nothing …. they need an ALCHEMIST!

    As the Philospher’s stone may be their only hope, I suggest Nicolas Flamel. Roger Bacon is out of their price range.

  4. avatar
    Arthur February 11, 2012 at 8:52 pm #

    “The judge ruled against us because…”

    Obama bribed the judge
    Obama threatened the judge
    The judge is an Obama supporter
    The judge is a left-wing ideologue
    The judge is a traitor
    The judge didn’t look at the evidence
    The judge didn’t know the law
    The judge is an evil man
    The judge is afraid of riots in the streets

    From the comments at Obama Release Your Records: Malihi ruled in favor of Obama so power companies in Georgia could get federal permits to build new nuclear generating stations.

  5. avatar
    Arthur February 11, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

    gorefan: What I don’t understand about the Florida challenge is that they say they need $12,500 ($12,500 for Florida and $12,500 for California) by Monday or Tuesday to mount the challenges. But there was no Florida Democratic primary, so there is no ballot to challenge. And it is way too early to challenge the November election ballot.

    Apprently Free Republic removed the threads and post these people started because they were saturated with fund-raising appeals.

  6. avatar
    Majority Will February 11, 2012 at 9:01 pm #

    Arthur: Apprently Free Republic removed the threads and post these people started because they were saturated with fund-raising appeals.

    That’s their moral standard?

  7. avatar
    Joe Acerbic February 11, 2012 at 9:03 pm #

    Every dollar going to these scammers is a dollar not going to republican election campaigns. :-)

  8. avatar
    Joe Acerbic February 11, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

    Majority Will: That’s their moral standard?

    “Moral”? LOL. As they see it, every dollar going to these scammers is also a dollar not donated to freakrepugnant.com.

  9. avatar
    Rickey February 11, 2012 at 9:08 pm #

    Klayman founded Judicial Watch, or organization which over the years flooded the courts with lawsuits against the Clinton Administration and the Federal government. Klayman left Judicial Watch in 2003 to make an unsuccessful Senate run, and he subsequently has filed multiple lawsuits against the group, most of which have been dismissed.

    Judicial Watch receives much of its funding from foundations run by right-wing billionaire Richard Mellon Scaife.

  10. avatar
    bovril February 11, 2012 at 9:14 pm #

    Ahhh Klayman

    A man who sued his disabled mother
    A dead beat father who is being indicted for failure to pay child maintenance
    Banned for life from California courtrooms
    Law licence suspended in PA
    Reprimanded and sanctioned by the FL Bar for taking $25K from his clients without delivering any work

    Yep a class act for Birfers………

  11. avatar
    Arthur February 11, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

    Majority Will: That’s their moral standard?

    To be honest, I didn’t know they had any standards. It’s nice to see at least a scintilla of moral consideration.

  12. avatar
    Majority Will February 11, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

    Arthur: To be honest, I didn’t know they had any standards. It’s nice to see at least a scintilla of moral consideration.

    My sarcasm must be slipping.

  13. avatar
    Majority Will February 11, 2012 at 9:31 pm #

    bovril:
    Ahhh Klayman

    A man who sued his disabled mother
    A dead beat father who is being indicted for failure to pay child maintenance
    Banned for life from California courtrooms
    Law licence suspended in PA
    Reprimanded and sanctioned by the FL Bar for taking $25K from his clients without delivering any work

    Yep a class act for Birfers………

    He should team up with Montgomery Blair Sibley and CEL III.

  14. avatar
    Arthur February 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

    bovril: Ahhh Klayman

    Indeed, bovril, the fellow has amassed a swampy reputation as a vexatious litigant who accuses judges of bias (sound familiar?) when rulings don’t go his way. An example from 2010,

    “Judicial Watch founder and persistent litigant Larry Klayman this week lost another round, the latest in a seemingly interminable series.

    “In a 23-page opinion issued Wednesday, U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly rejected Klayman’s effort to remove her from an underlying case involving Klayman’s severance from Judicial Watch. Klayman says the judge is biased against him. As evidence, in part, he cites her decision to allow his ex-wife to be deposed as part of discovery.Let’s put it this way: the divorce did not appear an amicable separation.

    “Klayman also cites the fact that Judge Kollar-Kotelly was appointed by President Bill Clinton, the frequent target of Klayman’s legal fusillades. The judge, for her part, suggests strongly that Klayman is throwing dust in hopes of putting off the day of reckoning. States the judge:
    ‘The timing of the motion strongly suggests that this is yet another attempt by Klayman to delay final resolution of the pending litigation and to avoid rulings that may be unfavorable to his case.'”

    Read more here: http://blogs.mcclatchydc.com/law/2010/10/larry-klayman-loses-yet-another-round.html#storylink=cpy

  15. avatar
    Tarrant February 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm #

    Arthur: o

    They’re in the middle of a Freepathon (fundraising for Free Republic). Any dollars that go to birtherism aren’t going to fill those Freepy coffers!

  16. avatar
    Arthur February 11, 2012 at 9:40 pm #

    Majority Will: My sarcasm must be slipping.

    Not at all! You chose a light touch, but I understood. I just wanted to use “scintilla” in a sentence.

  17. avatar
    Arthur February 11, 2012 at 9:43 pm #

    Tarrant: They’re in the middle of a Freepathon (fundraising for Free Republic). Any dollars that go to birtherism aren’t going to fill those Freepy coffers!

    Ah, the mask is lifted on their seemingly ethical stand.

  18. avatar
    Majority Will February 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm #

    Arthur: Not at all! You chose a light touch, but I understood. I just wanted to use “scintilla” in a sentence.

    Some of these remarks could be regarded as floccinaucinihilipilification.

  19. avatar
    Arthur February 11, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

    Majority Will: He should team up with Montgomery Blair Sibley and CEL III

    If we say our prayers and eat our vegtables, maybe someday we’ll add Orly’s name to that list of debarred rascals.

  20. avatar
    Dave February 11, 2012 at 10:21 pm #

    As I’ve remarked before, really difficult cases are only taken by lawyers who are so good that they think they see a possible angle, or by lawyers so bad that they don’t perceive the difficulty.

    I think it’s evident to anyone with a brain that no good lawyer will take this case.

  21. avatar
    G February 11, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

    Squeeky just posted a similar take to this blog’s post. I invite everyone to check out her version, which she renders in form of The Birther Bible… quite clever!

    The Second Book of Judges

    Chapter 1

    1. Trusting in the Prophet Vattel, verily did his Disciples begin to spread his word among all the peoples of the land, yea even unto the very Courts of the Law.
    2. Yet the Judges thereof were cold men of hard demeanor, who kneweth not of visions and strange divinations.
    3. First, the Judges of the Tribe of Indiana didst send the Birthers packing, saying they kneweth not whereof they spake, and that the Birthers understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
    4. Then, in like manner a Judge of the Tribe of Georgia, didst send the Birthers packing, saying they kneweth not whereof they spake, and that the Birthers understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
    5. With great impudence, the Judge of The Tribe of Georgia, favored the words of an empty chair, though it spoke not, over the words of the Birthers.
    6. Verily, in a third such smite, a Judge of the Tribe of Virginia didst send a Birther of that land packing, saying he kneweth not whereof he spake, and that the Birther understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
    7. And, with much disdain, the Judge of the Tribe of Virginia didst also speak harsh words unto the Birther, mocking him for a Fool, saying his words were without worth, and forbade him from coming again unto that Court.
    8. Lo, but the travails mounted up unto the very Heavens, for then a Judge of the Tribe of Illinois didst send a Birther of that land packing, saying he kneweth not whereof he spake, and that the Birther understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.

    Chapter 2

    1. It taketh not a wise man to discerneth a pattern in these things, and portents of things yet to come.
    2. For liketh unto a small ball of snow rolling down a mountain, it mayst but grow larger and larger until it buries all before it.
    3. So likewise might the words of the Judges, over a time, be heard and reinforce one the other, until the voices of the Birthers are met everywhere with laughter and great jeering.
    4. For then will the people sayeth unto us, that we knoweth not whereof we speak, and we understandeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
    5. Perhaps it wouldst be a wise thing for us Birthers to haveth ready made excuses near at hand, to explaineth away these defeats, and the ones yet to cometh.
    6. Therefore, let it be said, when we meet with defeat in the Courts of the Law, that the Judges thereof are but exchanging false decisions for gold and favors.
    7. Or, let it be said, that the Judges are but minions of the Usurper, and thus provide false decisions out of loyalty unto him.
    8. Shouldst the Judge be of a group opposed to the Usurper, let it be said that he has been threatened for his life, or that unknown persons have graven images of him in compromising positions of adultery, which they doth dangle over his head.
    9. Also might we blame our defeats on our Advocates, saying that they doth secretly labor on behalf of the Usurper, or are not truly wise in the ways of the Law, having learned their craft at long distances from the places of teaching.
    10. Nor shouldst we stoppeth here.
    11. Let our explanations be called Legion, for from these signs and omens, our needs will be many.

    http://birtherthinktank.wordpress.com/2012/02/11/the-second-book-of-judges-updates-to-the-birther-bible/

  22. avatar
    Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter February 11, 2012 at 11:44 pm #

    G:

    Thank you for posting that here. I guess great minds doth ofttimes thinketh alike. I wish I had thought of “the dog ate my attorney”. LOL. Kudos to DrC!!! After a few more Birther losses, I suspect I will be secretly sent a Book of Lamentations for The Birther Bible.

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

  23. avatar
    misha February 12, 2012 at 3:29 am #

    bovril: Ahhh Klayman – A man who sued his disabled mother

    And took it to trial!

  24. avatar
    The Magic M February 12, 2012 at 7:24 am #

    > I would think an Obama attorney would take Klayman more seriously than they did Moe, Larry, and Curly.

    Yes, but…

    > Barack Hussein Obama, our president, is a traitor.

    If Klayman suffers from such delusions, it will certainly hamper his abilities as a lawyer:

    > Someone representing himself in court has a fool for a client

    Oh the irony! If Klayman thinks Obama is a traitor, he is effectively representing himself in such court cases against Obama. And since he isn’t unbiased and open-minded, he is bound to make mistakes, or make himself look foolish, or both. Same as we see with Orly.

    Birthers would actually need a decidedly non-birther lawyer. Like this one guy in Hawaii, forgot his name, who came up with the (slightly outlandish, but nonetheless creative) idea that they should get to see the vault BC according to Federal Rules of Evidence.

  25. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy February 12, 2012 at 8:04 am #

    The draft title was “The dog bit my attorney.” an allusion to Mario Apuzzo.

    Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter: I wish I had thought of “the dog ate my attorney”.

  26. avatar
    misha February 12, 2012 at 8:12 am #

    Dr. Conspiracy: The draft title was “The dog bit my attorney.” an allusion to Mario Apuzzo.

    – “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite.”
    – “That’s not my dog.”

  27. avatar
    donna February 12, 2012 at 9:26 am #

    “From the comments at Obama Release Your Records: Malihi ruled in favor of Obama so power companies in Georgia could get federal permits to build new nuclear generating stations.”

    PROBLEM IS the recently apporved plant was the same one obama approved in feb, 2010 but stopped due to the japanese disaster

    are ANY OF THEM capable of independent research or do they KNOW their flock IS NOT?

  28. avatar
    Greatkim February 12, 2012 at 9:26 am #

    Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter:
    G:

    After a few more Birther losses, I suspect I will be secretly sent a Book of Lamentations for The Birther Bible.

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

    how else can I explain the birther rage ?

    lamentations 5.8:

    slaves rule over us; there is no one to deliver us from their hand

  29. avatar
    Horus February 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

    “Barack Hussein Obama, our president, is a traitor. Finally, his hatred for our nation and his plan to destroy it are crystal clear. He must be forced from office – legally – before our entire country goes down the drain for the final count!”

    I’m so sick of hearing these accusations without a shred of evidence to support their claims.
    They think Conservatives are too stupid to check up on what is said to them, and they must be right.

  30. avatar
    Keith February 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    Horus: I’m so sick of hearing these accusations without a shred of evidence to support their claims.

    Agreed.

    Personally, what I am fed up to the teeth with are the “Patriots in Name Only” (PINO) who try to claim that they are trying to restore the Constitution and then start pulling all the anti-Constitutional bunk from every crevice and excretory organ in their bodies.

    Even if you put the NBC crap aside (that is just a proxy for the anti-“anchor baby” propaganda campaign), its clear that they wouldn’t know what was in the Constitution if it hit them over the head. When they accuse the President of treason its patently clear they don’t give a flying fornication about the Constitution and are just using it as a stage prop.

    Yes I, for one, am truly fed up with it.

  31. avatar
    G February 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    Ditto!!! Well said!

    Horus: I’m so sick of hearing these accusations without a shred of evidence to support their claims.

    Keith: Agreed.
    Personally, what I am fed up to the teeth with are the “Patriots in Name Only” (PINO) who try to claim that they are trying to restore the Constitution and then start pulling all the anti-Constitutional bunk from every crevice and excretory organ in their bodies.
    Even if you put the NBC crap aside (that is just a proxy for the anti-”anchor baby” propaganda campaign), its clear that they wouldn’t know what was in the Constitution if it hit them over the head. When they accuse the President of treason its patently clear they don’t give a flying fornication about the Constitution and are just using it as a stage prop.
    Yes I, for one, am truly fed up with it.

  32. avatar
    Reality Check February 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm #

    Did you mean Dogbite Paul Rolf Jensen? He was Terry Lakin’s original attorney.

    Dr. Conspiracy:
    The draft title was “The dog bit my attorney.” an allusion to Mario Apuzzo.

  33. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy February 12, 2012 at 5:48 pm #

    Your comment inspired this Haiku:

    The blustery wind
    Through an abandoned cornfield.
    Birther attorney.

    The last line can be adapted to your particular needs.

    Horus: I’m so sick of hearing these accusations without a shred of evidence to support their claims.

  34. avatar
    Rickey February 12, 2012 at 7:12 pm #

    Keith:

    Even if you put the NBC crap aside (that is just a proxy for the anti-”anchor baby” propaganda campaign), its clear that they wouldn’t know what was in the Constitution if it hit them over the head. When they accuse the President of treason its patently clear they don’t give a flying fornication about the Constitution and are just using it as a stage prop.

    That reminds me of Stephen Colbert’s interview of Congressman Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA), who had sponsored a bill to allow the display of the Ten Commandments in courtrooms. When asked to name the commandments, Westmoreland could only name a few of them.

    http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/180282/september-05-2008/better-know-a-district—lynn-westmoreland-update

  35. avatar
    Paper February 12, 2012 at 9:03 pm #

    Hope you don’t mind, Dr. C, your haiku makes me think of a variation:

    Birther attorneys
    abandoned in a cornfield
    wish they had a brain.

  36. avatar
    misha February 12, 2012 at 9:19 pm #

    Rickey: That reminds me of Stephen Colbert’s interview of Congressman Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA), who had sponsored a bill to allow the display of the Ten Commandments in courtrooms. When asked to name the commandments, Westmoreland could only name a few of them.

    Those he could name, were a struggle. I saw it when it was first broadcast.

    Then there’s my favorite: God told me to invade Iraq. – GW Bush

  37. avatar
    misha February 12, 2012 at 9:25 pm #

    The Magic M: I would think an Obama attorney would take Klayman more seriously than they did Moe, Larry, and Curly.

    All three Stooges were Jewish. Klayman, Orly and Breitbart are Jewish, so they are at least in the club. Unfortunately, they are not doing their act in the Borscht Belt.

    Good act, wrong venue.

  38. avatar
    Thomas Brown February 12, 2012 at 10:17 pm #

    Majority Will:

    I think it is the Birferverse to which one could ascribe floccinaucinihilipilificationism, in that they make a habit of continually appraising President Obama’s accomplishments as nearly worthless.

    And a tip of the pin to Misha for the Inspector Clouseau reference. Kudos.

  39. avatar
    Paul Pieniezny February 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm #

    Rickey: That reminds me of Stephen Colbert’s interview of Congressman Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA), who had sponsored a bill to allow the display of the Ten Commandments in courtrooms. When asked to name the commandments, Westmoreland could only name a few of them.

    http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/180282/september-05-2008/better-know-a-district—lynn-westmoreland-update

    So which ones did he remember:

    1) Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land where you are going
    2) Do not make any idols
    3) Celebrate the Festival of Unleavened Bread.
    4) The first offspring of every womb belongs to me, including all the firstborn males of your livestock.
    5) No one is to appear before me empty-handed.
    6) Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest.
    7) Celebrate the Festival of Weeks with the firstfruits of the wheat harvest, and the Festival of Ingathering at the turn of the year.
    8) Do not offer the blood of a sacrifice to me along with anything containing yeast, and do not let any of the sacrifice from the Passover Festival remain until morning.
    9) Bring the best of the firstfruits of your soil to the house of the LORD your God.
    10) Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk.

    (Exodus 34)

    So, how many did you get right?

    [my point being that there are many versions of the Ten Commandments, and putting one version on public display means choosing one religion over another. ]