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Obama Conspiracy Limerick Contest

A limerick is a witty little 5-line poem (see Wikipedia for a description of the form). I’m holding a contest for the best original limerick on an Obama conspiracy theory or fringe idea theme. The winner will be selected by popular vote of the visitors to the blog.

Contest entries are now closed. Please vote for your favorite(s) by clicking on the thumbs up button on the comment containing the entry.

Here are samples:

Orly Esquire the "birther queen" fights
Against Obama's privacy rights.
In the courts spends her days
(But no judges she sways)
And with Charles Edward Lincoln her nights.


There was a black preacher named Manning
Who hate of Obama was fanning.
He started to cry
That Obama must die.
Some jail time he ought to be planning.


An epicure dining at Crewe
Found Orly Taitz in his stew.
Said the waiter, don't shout
Or wave it about
Or the rest will be wanting to sue.

47 Responses to Obama Conspiracy Limerick Contest

  1. avatar
    Epectitus November 26, 2009 at 6:32 pm #

    Conspiracy theories generic
    Require ideas esoteric
    And massive infusions
    Of wacky delusions
    From crackpots like “Dr. Polarik.”

  2. avatar
    Scientist November 26, 2009 at 7:06 pm #

    This is the short form. The long form is in my vault and will only be shown by special invitation:

    I will say he was born in Kenya
    Thailand, Japan or Slovenia
    For the truth I don’t care
    Disbar me if you dare
    Until then in court I’ll be seein ya.

  3. avatar
    aarrgghh November 26, 2009 at 9:50 pm #

    “filed by charles, with love”

    i once met this crazy b*tch orly
    whose legal skills stank rather poorly
    but in bed, what a tiger!
    hotter, horn’yer, wetter, tighter!
    yosef’s booty i lust even morely

  4. avatar
    brygenon November 26, 2009 at 9:54 pm #

    Let us pray that this fringe gets no bigger
    And none set their hands to the trigger
    So full of hate
    They cannot tolerate
    That the voters elected a …

  5. avatar
    Estiveo November 26, 2009 at 11:40 pm #

    There once was a lawyer named Orly,
    Who, in court, was known to fare poorly,
    Her pleadings were laughable,
    Her filings half-assable,
    Dismissals she tends to take sorely

  6. avatar
    misha November 27, 2009 at 1:16 am #

    There once was a lawyer named Puzoo
    Whose skills were up his wazoo
    He chased ambulance
    Whenever the chance
    And in court always lose-zoo

  7. avatar
    misha November 27, 2009 at 1:28 am #

    There once was a woman named Orly
    Whose life was rather sorely
    She slept with the team
    Who let off some steam
    And then she picked up a…

  8. avatar
    Mario Apuzzo November 27, 2009 at 3:28 am #

    There was once a man named Obama
    Whose true name was really Korana
    Neither citizen born
    Nor natural born
    In the courts we all met and debated.

    Mario Apuzzo, Esq.

  9. avatar
    Paul Pieniezny November 27, 2009 at 3:56 am #

    A Kishinev Dentist and hooker
    Married the first Yank who took her
    But she lost her Merc and her Lotus
    Pretending to sue the Potus
    Soon again she’ll be called Averbuka

  10. avatar
    Expelliarmus November 27, 2009 at 3:58 am #

    Typical example of birther-lawyering. Can’t even get the rhyming scheme on a limerick right.

  11. avatar
    jay "Vattel's secret love child" Schwartz November 27, 2009 at 3:59 am #

    There once was a forged birth certificate
    No actually you fools it’s legitimate;
    Orly your freedom of speech
    Is still yours to breach
    So I guess that really makes you a hypocrite.

    There once was a lawyer disbarred;
    Whose strategies were shall we say “avant garde”
    Orly filled in his cavity
    While he mortgaged depravity
    But he ran away feathered and tarred.

  12. avatar
    Paul Pieniezny November 27, 2009 at 4:00 am #

    Law history books on the shelves
    Are always repeating themselves
    Waterloo! Orly met her Waterloo!
    Finally losing her licence to sue
    Now the birfers only have elves

  13. avatar
    Expelliarmus November 27, 2009 at 4:12 am #

    A Philadelphia lawyer named Phil,
    an attorney of dubious skill,
    Tried to stop one Barack,
    with a suit based on crock,
    and from there his career went downhill.

  14. avatar
    Paul Pieniezny November 27, 2009 at 4:27 am #

    The elves being Leo the ELO kibbitzer and Mario the Puzz.

    Somehow, I expect a meeting between the non-elves to go as follows:

    Phil Berg: “I am the Berg. You WILL be assimilated”.
    Orly Taitz: “No, I will not be a similar hatred. I am a simmering, glowing star in the legal firmament. If you talk bad of me, I can swoo.”
    Phil Berg: “What do you mean, you can swoo?”
    Orly Taitz: “It says so right there: ‘The party of the second part’ – that’s me – is entitled to damages from the party of the first part…’ ”
    Phil Berg: “Where did you get these … fake certificates?”
    Orly Taitz: “I pick them up at the dentist’s office, just like anybody…”

  15. avatar
    misha November 27, 2009 at 4:39 am #

    You were expecting better?

  16. avatar
    Lupin November 27, 2009 at 4:47 am #

    Lupin was brave and smart,
    But couldn’t tell birthers and loonies apart,
    He got Mario to goes
    With snot up his nose,
    And won everyone’s heart.

  17. avatar
    Scientist November 27, 2009 at 7:09 am #

    The birthers feel all forlorn
    Their attorneys have falsely sworn
    There can be no doubt
    In Hawaii he popped out
    Making Obama naturally born

  18. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy November 27, 2009 at 7:22 am #

    There is a form called an anti-limerick where there is a jarring failure to rhyme. This one though…

  19. avatar
    Expelliarmus November 27, 2009 at 7:34 am #

    A lawyer with an axe to grind,
    raved loudly and ranted and whined,
    she called the Judge a traitor,
    and the tool of a dictator,
    and of course in the end she was fined.

  20. avatar
    Jim Pettit November 27, 2009 at 7:43 am #

    The Birthers oppugn his legality,
    Thus doubting his true nationality–
    “An African resident
    Acting as president?!”–
    Showing a lack of reality.

    Though Obama has proved, with finality,
    He’s legal and fit in totality,
    These Birthers believe
    There’s a plot to deceive
    (Thus belying their lower mentality).

  21. avatar
    Expelliarmus November 27, 2009 at 7:52 am #

    Unable to win an election,
    the malcontents took up a collection,
    They had the support of publisher Farah,
    and a lawyer with too much mascara,
    But their lawsuits all suffered rejection.

  22. avatar
    Expelliarmus November 27, 2009 at 8:35 am #

    She’s frustrated when she debates,
    the law she often misstates,
    procedure eludes her,
    and Charles denudes her,
    She’s the birther queen named Orly Taitz.

  23. avatar
    kupuna November 27, 2009 at 8:52 am #

    The Birthers are still filled with hate.
    Our First Family just makes them irate.
    “But, he has Kenyan kin!”
    Crazy theories they spin.
    He was born in the 50th state.

  24. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy November 27, 2009 at 8:57 am #

    An attorney named Mister Apuzz
    O brought eligibility suits
    So the cites from Vattel
    Weren't received very well
    And the District Court gave him the boots

    Ohhhh

  25. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy November 27, 2009 at 8:59 am #

    There once was a student from Taft
    Whose suits were dismissed 'cause t'were daft;
    And then without reason
    Accused them of treason
    While judges in chambers just laughed.

  26. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy November 27, 2009 at 9:03 am #

    A federal judge name of Land
    Had a crazy attorney at hand.
    She came pro hac vice
    But Judge Land said ixnay1
    In future from my court you’re banned.

    1Pig latin for “nix”.

  27. avatar
    brygenon November 27, 2009 at 10:20 am #

    As we fly our political banners
    Still we try to abide by good manners
    Yet in truth we must
    Express such disgust
    As to liken the birthers to klanners

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfTHQUYvwBM

  28. avatar
    brygenon November 27, 2009 at 11:11 am #

    On the verge of Two Thousand and Ten,
    If not us, if not now, then when?
    Enough of these lies.
    Racism dies.
    It was once, but never again.

  29. avatar
    Reality Check November 27, 2009 at 11:34 am #

    There once was a birther named Hale
    Who proclaimed Obama would land in jail
    But alas for poor Ed
    He’s still in the White House instead
    And Obots made Ed’s life living hell.

  30. avatar
    Highlands November 27, 2009 at 12:25 pm #

    there once was a lawyer named Orly
    who practiced her legal skills poorly
    her clients all lost
    the cases got tossed
    the birthers, they all took it sorely

    I DID NOT write this, I came across it somewhere. If anyone knows who to attribute this poem to, please let me know. I thought it was very witty.

  31. avatar
    Notheydidn't November 27, 2009 at 1:33 pm #

    Orly Taitz, desiring to be great
    really hated Obama
    with poor information but much dedication
    ALL she created was drama

    The birthers screamed, the birthers cried
    on OUR agenda they demanded space
    yet once again in the end
    THEIR agenda only consisted of race

  32. avatar
    BigGuy November 27, 2009 at 2:43 pm #

    Orly Taitz, Peyton Yates, Charlie Lincoln,
    So much dreck! What the heck you been drinkin’?
    Travel bans, fake BCs,
    DeVattel devotees,
    Might as well throw the whole kitchen sink in!

  33. avatar
    Benji Franklin November 27, 2009 at 3:44 pm #

    The Birther’s all think themselves ferrets!
    Lacking convictions (no merits!)
    Their betrayal grows greater
    Why, sooner or later
    They’ll charge even God is a Traitor!

  34. avatar
    Benji Franklin November 27, 2009 at 3:55 pm #

    There once was a not quite attorney
    Who was so smart she couldn’t quite learny
    A tort from a tart
    Or her case from a fart
    Under Charles it’s all part of the journey!

  35. avatar
    Benji Franklin November 27, 2009 at 4:26 pm #

    In defense of poor Orly the fact is
    She peaked as a lawyer unpracticed
    When you start out with Scotus
    To unseat the Potus
    Any Lincoln just cares where your crack is!

  36. avatar
    Mario Apuzzo November 27, 2009 at 6:04 pm #

    Dr. Conspircy,

    You have got to be kidding. Most of the limericks on here at junk. Are you for real?

  37. avatar
    Mario Apuzzo November 27, 2009 at 6:11 pm #

    Dr. Congas,

    Here is one for you.

    They confronted him with Vattel
    And he feigned his name was Patel
    And he fooled the whole nation
    By promising elation
    And change, oh, change did he tell

  38. avatar
    Gordon November 27, 2009 at 7:07 pm #

    Don’t quit your day job Hawthorne.

  39. avatar
    Scientist November 27, 2009 at 7:08 pm #

    The worst of them makes more sense than the best of your briefs.

  40. avatar
    Paul Pieniezny November 27, 2009 at 7:55 pm #

    Since Mario the Putz obviously knows how to pronounce “debated”, maybe he thinks “Obama” rhymes with “lamer”.

  41. avatar
    Benji Franklin November 27, 2009 at 10:02 pm #

    Her courtroom performance is comic
    Her grasp of the Law is atomic
    By that old lawyers’ rule
    Orly sure has a fool
    For an unconstitutional dentist!

  42. avatar
    sarina November 27, 2009 at 10:40 pm #

    Birthers don’t believe Obama’s natural born
    But the judges have all dumped insane Lawsuits by the dozens.
    Apuzzo, Donofrio, Taitz and Berg
    This is “the end” for you and them!

  43. avatar
    Expelliarmus November 27, 2009 at 10:49 pm #

    The birthers simply don’t have a clue,
    about requirements the law says is due,
    they don’t understand
    that in every court in the land
    you must prove up your case when you sue.

  44. avatar
    Mario Apuzzo November 27, 2009 at 11:49 pm #

    Thanks for the advice, Flash.

  45. avatar
    G November 28, 2009 at 1:28 am #

    I would argue his career went downhill long before this…

  46. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy November 28, 2009 at 2:04 am #

    Like I said, stick to lawyering.

  47. avatar
    Dr. Conspiracy November 28, 2009 at 2:05 am #

    OK, contest entries over. It’s time now to vote.