A limerick is a witty little 5-line poem (see Wikipedia for a description of the form). I’m holding a contest for the best original limerick on an Obama conspiracy theory or fringe idea theme. The winner will be selected by popular vote of the visitors to the blog.
Contest entries are now closed. Please vote for your favorite(s) by clicking on the thumbs up button on the comment containing the entry.
Here are samples:
Orly Esquire the "birther queen" fights
Against Obama's privacy rights.
In the courts spends her days
(But no judges she sways)
And with Charles Edward Lincoln her nights.
There was a black preacher named Manning
Who hate of Obama was fanning.
He started to cry
That Obama must die.
Some jail time he ought to be planning.
An epicure dining at Crewe
Found Orly Taitz in his stew.
Said the waiter, don't shout
Or wave it about
Or the rest will be wanting to sue.
Conspiracy theories generic
Require ideas esoteric
And massive infusions
Of wacky delusions
From crackpots like “Dr. Polarik.”
This is the short form. The long form is in my vault and will only be shown by special invitation:
I will say he was born in Kenya
Thailand, Japan or Slovenia
For the truth I don’t care
Disbar me if you dare
Until then in court I’ll be seein ya.
“filed by charles, with love”
i once met this crazy b*tch orly
whose legal skills stank rather poorly
but in bed, what a tiger!
hotter, horn’yer, wetter, tighter!
yosef’s booty i lust even morely
Let us pray that this fringe gets no bigger
And none set their hands to the trigger
So full of hate
They cannot tolerate
That the voters elected a …
There once was a lawyer named Orly,
Who, in court, was known to fare poorly,
Her pleadings were laughable,
Her filings half-assable,
Dismissals she tends to take sorely
There once was a lawyer named Puzoo
Whose skills were up his wazoo
He chased ambulance
Whenever the chance
And in court always lose-zoo
There once was a woman named Orly
Whose life was rather sorely
She slept with the team
Who let off some steam
And then she picked up a…
There was once a man named Obama
Whose true name was really Korana
Neither citizen born
Nor natural born
In the courts we all met and debated.
Mario Apuzzo, Esq.
A Kishinev Dentist and hooker
Married the first Yank who took her
But she lost her Merc and her Lotus
Pretending to sue the Potus
Soon again she’ll be called Averbuka
Typical example of birther-lawyering. Can’t even get the rhyming scheme on a limerick right.
There once was a forged birth certificate
No actually you fools it’s legitimate;
Orly your freedom of speech
Is still yours to breach
So I guess that really makes you a hypocrite.
There once was a lawyer disbarred;
Whose strategies were shall we say “avant garde”
Orly filled in his cavity
While he mortgaged depravity
But he ran away feathered and tarred.
Law history books on the shelves
Are always repeating themselves
Waterloo! Orly met her Waterloo!
Finally losing her licence to sue
Now the birfers only have elves
A Philadelphia lawyer named Phil,
an attorney of dubious skill,
Tried to stop one Barack,
with a suit based on crock,
and from there his career went downhill.
The elves being Leo the ELO kibbitzer and Mario the Puzz.
Somehow, I expect a meeting between the non-elves to go as follows:
Phil Berg: “I am the Berg. You WILL be assimilated”.
Orly Taitz: “No, I will not be a similar hatred. I am a simmering, glowing star in the legal firmament. If you talk bad of me, I can swoo.”
Phil Berg: “What do you mean, you can swoo?”
Orly Taitz: “It says so right there: ‘The party of the second part’ – that’s me – is entitled to damages from the party of the first part…’ ”
Phil Berg: “Where did you get these … fake certificates?”
Orly Taitz: “I pick them up at the dentist’s office, just like anybody…”
You were expecting better?
Lupin was brave and smart,
But couldn’t tell birthers and loonies apart,
He got Mario to goes
With snot up his nose,
And won everyone’s heart.
The birthers feel all forlorn
Their attorneys have falsely sworn
There can be no doubt
In Hawaii he popped out
Making Obama naturally born
There is a form called an anti-limerick where there is a jarring failure to rhyme. This one though…
A lawyer with an axe to grind,
raved loudly and ranted and whined,
she called the Judge a traitor,
and the tool of a dictator,
and of course in the end she was fined.
The Birthers oppugn his legality,
Thus doubting his true nationality–
“An African resident
Acting as president?!”–
Showing a lack of reality.
Though Obama has proved, with finality,
He’s legal and fit in totality,
These Birthers believe
There’s a plot to deceive
(Thus belying their lower mentality).
Unable to win an election,
the malcontents took up a collection,
They had the support of publisher Farah,
and a lawyer with too much mascara,
But their lawsuits all suffered rejection.
She’s frustrated when she debates,
the law she often misstates,
procedure eludes her,
and Charles denudes her,
She’s the birther queen named Orly Taitz.
The Birthers are still filled with hate.
Our First Family just makes them irate.
“But, he has Kenyan kin!”
Crazy theories they spin.
He was born in the 50th state.
An attorney named Mister Apuzz
O brought eligibility suits
So the cites from Vattel
Weren't received very well
And the District Court gave him the boots
There once was a student from Taft
Whose suits were dismissed 'cause t'were daft;
And then without reason
Accused them of treason
While judges in chambers just laughed.
A federal judge name of Land
Had a crazy attorney at hand.
She came pro hac vice
But Judge Land said ixnay1
In future from my court you’re banned.
1Pig latin for “nix”.
As we fly our political banners
Still we try to abide by good manners
Yet in truth we must
Express such disgust
As to liken the birthers to klanners
On the verge of Two Thousand and Ten,
If not us, if not now, then when?
Enough of these lies.
It was once, but never again.
There once was a birther named Hale
Who proclaimed Obama would land in jail
But alas for poor Ed
He’s still in the White House instead
And Obots made Ed’s life living hell.
there once was a lawyer named Orly
who practiced her legal skills poorly
her clients all lost
the cases got tossed
the birthers, they all took it sorely
I DID NOT write this, I came across it somewhere. If anyone knows who to attribute this poem to, please let me know. I thought it was very witty.
Orly Taitz, desiring to be great
really hated Obama
with poor information but much dedication
ALL she created was drama
The birthers screamed, the birthers cried
on OUR agenda they demanded space
yet once again in the end
THEIR agenda only consisted of race
Orly Taitz, Peyton Yates, Charlie Lincoln,
So much dreck! What the heck you been drinkin’?
Travel bans, fake BCs,
Might as well throw the whole kitchen sink in!
The Birther’s all think themselves ferrets!
Lacking convictions (no merits!)
Their betrayal grows greater
Why, sooner or later
They’ll charge even God is a Traitor!
There once was a not quite attorney
Who was so smart she couldn’t quite learny
A tort from a tart
Or her case from a fart
Under Charles it’s all part of the journey!
In defense of poor Orly the fact is
She peaked as a lawyer unpracticed
When you start out with Scotus
To unseat the Potus
Any Lincoln just cares where your crack is!
You have got to be kidding. Most of the limericks on here at junk. Are you for real?
Here is one for you.
They confronted him with Vattel
And he feigned his name was Patel
And he fooled the whole nation
By promising elation
And change, oh, change did he tell
Don’t quit your day job Hawthorne.
The worst of them makes more sense than the best of your briefs.
Since Mario the Putz obviously knows how to pronounce “debated”, maybe he thinks “Obama” rhymes with “lamer”.
Her courtroom performance is comic
Her grasp of the Law is atomic
By that old lawyers’ rule
Orly sure has a fool
For an unconstitutional dentist!
Birthers don’t believe Obama’s natural born
But the judges have all dumped insane Lawsuits by the dozens.
Apuzzo, Donofrio, Taitz and Berg
This is “the end” for you and them!
The birthers simply don’t have a clue,
about requirements the law says is due,
they don’t understand
that in every court in the land
you must prove up your case when you sue.
Thanks for the advice, Flash.
I would argue his career went downhill long before this…
Like I said, stick to lawyering.
OK, contest entries over. It’s time now to vote.