This is the true story of DCFFKBC.
For a long time, I have been a commentator on Obama conspiracies. Prompted by Lucas Smith’s appearance here, I decided to get a little more involved and become a character in the story too — I hired a detective.
The detective was not someone who contacted me, but someone I more or less randomly selected from a directory of private detectives in Kenya. I gave him this task:
I want to obtain a copy of a birth certificate for any person (preferably deceased) born in 1961, and issued by the Coast General Hospital in Mombasa. My interest is in the characteristics of the certificate, and not information about any particular individual. I would want to receive a scanned copy of the document via email.
What I received in return was the certificate following, which had my name on it. The detective explained that this is what a certificate looks like, not that of a real person. I have redacted identifying information from the certificate, just because I expect it will get passed around a lot and I don’t know what if anything on it is for an actual person, nor exactly what part of it is authentic and what part is a mockup. One obvious defect (among several) in the image it is that the font is wrong for the year of birth.
When I explained that I wanted a hospital-issued certificate, the detective went from Nairobi to Mombasa and contacted the hospital to see if a certificate could be obtained. I posed a few questions about what years the hospital had records for, whether they issued certified copies, and when Dr. Maganga was Chief Administrator. The detective submitted the questions and the certificate request in writing to the hospital. While waiting for a response, he told me that the official dates of Heltan Mananga’s tenure as Chief Administrator were June 1, 2009 – December 4, 2010.
1) Do they keep birth records as far back as 1961?
2) Do they issue certified copies of birth certificates?
3) On what date did Heltan Maganga become Chief Administrator of the hospital?
4) If they do issue birth certificates and have data from 1961, will they give you one? If they have privacy objections, could they photocopy a 1961 certificate and CUT AWAY the name of the parent and child?
This is when the story gets really strange.
My detective suddenly started talking strangely, saying that I had not told him the whole truth and that we were opening “pandora’s box.” He said he had a certificate and a letter from the hospital, “you know deep down whoz mane is in that doc” (my detective doesn’t type very well) and that he expected more money for his trouble than I had paid him. He asked for a total of $1,000. I must hasten to say that the detective never actually said whose name was on his certificate, but since I didn’t specify any particular person among the hundreds if not thousands of children born at the Coast hospital in 1961, I cannot think otherwise than that he meant me to think Barack Obama.
I told him that I had no interest in a fake Barack Obama certificate, but the detective insisted that what he had wasn’t fake. He vehemently said in a series of emails that he and his company didn’t deal in fakes. He had “spy cam” video. I told him to go home and that is basically the end of the story.
Some may conclude from the story that Barack Obama really was born in Kenya and that I am too biased to admit it. I can’t help what people think. All I can say for sure is that I paid a few hundred bucks for an education.