When I was in the 4th grade, I shared a prize with another student for reading the most books. The teacher, thinking I was somewhat serious, gave me a youth novel and to the other student “The Arrow Book of Funny Poems.” I traded my book for the other and to this day I still value the verses I learned half a century ago.


Today, musing over the criticism leveled at me by Mario Apuzzo, criticism for something that didn’t happen, I thought what I have often thought about Apuzzo and birther lawyers in general: how can they be expected to mount a good case when the facts are against them? They really don’t have much to work with. Then a poem came to mind illuminating the birther attorney’s dilemma:

What a wonderful bird the frog are —
When he stand he sit almost;
When he hop, he fly almost.
He ain’t go no sense hardly;
He ain’t got no tail hardly either.
When he sit, he sit on what he ain’t got almost.

About Dr. Conspiracy

I'm not a real doctor, but I have a master's degree.
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9 Responses to Poetry

  1. I don’t have that book any more and my recollection is that the first line was “What a silly bird the frog are.” I couldn’t find a version on the Internet that way. I also thought there was “when he talk, he cry almost.”

    I ordered a used copy of the The Arrow Book on Amazon, and should that version be different, I will update the article.

  2. Here lies what’s left of Leslie Moore.
    No Less.
    No More.

  3. Scientist says:

    Dr. Conspiracy: Here lies what’s left of Leslie Moore.
    No Less.
    No More.

    That is actually an epitaph from a grave in Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, AZ, which I visited a few years ago. The full inscription reads:

    Here lies Lester Moore,
    Four slugs from a 44,
    No less no more.

  4. Wile says:

    Actually it’s even funnier than that.

    It says, “No Les. No more.”

    As in no more Lester.

  5. G says:

    LOL! Great stuff.

  6. Paper says:

    That explains a lot about my affection for this site, beyond the resource of the blog as blog. When I was young, a little bit older than fourth grade, I also won a prize for reading books. I didn’t get such an interesting book, though. Cool.

  7. And to continue the free association, there is the famous “No More Monument”


    Wile: As in no more Lester.

  8. J. Potter says:

    Scientist: Here lies Lester Moore,
    Four slugs from a 44,
    No less no more.

    And a great intro to a kickass Johnny Cash song … The Ballad of Boot Hill 😀

  9. There was a young lady from Bright
    Whose speed was much faster than light.
    She departed one day
    In a relative way
    And returned the previous night.

    Looking at the book photo, I think the first is the smiling lady on the tiger, the second the young woman from Natchez and the last the purple cow.

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