Faux quote challenge

Here’s a contest that I announce with just a little trepidation. The idea is to come up with a “quotation” that you attribute to a historical figure, only it has to be fake.

If you need examples, you probably need go no further than your email inbox, or Facebook—or you could also visit the Orly Taitz blog:

imageThe first and third are bogus. I think the second is questionable—widely quoted, but never with a source. I wrote about them in my article “Apocryphal quotes on Taitz web site.”

My fear is that one of the better entries may some day find itself in my email inbox.

About Dr. Conspiracy

I'm not a real doctor, but I have a master's degree.
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43 Responses to Faux quote challenge

  1. Dave says:

    I concur with your trepidation. Misattributions spread like wildfire.

    Besides, there are already so many fine misattributions already out there. Here’s one of my favorites from Abraham Lincoln.

  2. “You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can fool all of the birthers all of the time.”

    — Abraham LinkedIn

  3. Andrew Vrba, PmG says:

    “Derpy Hooves deserves more screen time.”, Harry S. Truman.

  4. JPotter says:

    Misattributions are the results of, and reinforced by, projection. Thus, they’re always a bit too good, too polished, always examples of the perfect thing a person would have wished they said in the moment. In a word, they’re dull … and say more about eth person citing the ‘quote’ than its supposed source.

    Authentic quotes are always more surprising and informative of the original speaker/writer; for instance:

    What do you think of Monroe’s 1796 critique of your administration, Mr. Washington?

    “Insanity in the extreme!” *


    * OK, that was Washington’s reaction to one blurb in a 400+ page book by Monroe, but it’s hilarious (to me) to picture Washington declaring anything to be “insanity!” So humanizing it is 🙂

  5. Thomas Brown says:

    Only two things are infinite: the Universe and the stupidity of Birthers. I’m not certain of the former, but the latter give me such a pain you wouldn’t believe.” –Albert Einstein

  6. Majority Will says:

    “There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”

    — Orly Taitz, Mario Apuzzo or Oscar Wilde?

  7. Steve says:

    “I drank what?”


  8. Keith says:

    “Land Shark!”
    – Gerald Ford

  9. bovril says:

    “I came, I saw, I conquered”

    Mario Apuzzo

  10. Bob J says:

    “Trust those who seek the truth and doubt those who say they found it.”

    – Mike Zullo
    or maybe it was Thomas Jefferson.

  11. “Hotter, wetter, tighter”

    – Thomas Jefferson re: Sally Hemings

  12. alg says:

    “It was only driven by a little old lady from Pasadena to church on Sundays.” – Mike Zullo

  13. JPotter says:

    “The natives, or natural-born citizens, are those born in the country, of parents who are both citizens.”

    Emerich de Vattel, Les Liaisons Dangereuses, Book I, Chapter 19, § 212

  14. Andrew Vrba, PmG says:

    “There are three kinds of lies. Lies, damned lies, and anything that comes out of Mike Zullo’s mouth!”, Mark Twain.

  15. Rickey says:

    “Orly Taitz will bury you.” – Nikita Khrushchev

  16. JPotter says:

    “The natives, or natural-born citizens, are those born in the country, of ancestors who are all citizens, no matter how many they may be; yea, verily, if ye would be natural born, then unto the umpteenth generation, all thy ancestors citizens they must be.”

    King James de Vattel, The Holey Bible of Law for Silly Nations, Ligan 9:1:2008

  17. JPotter says:

    “The Constitution was assembled from musings and doodle that Ben Franklin was able to reclaim from Vattel’s cocktail napkins during his time on the Continent. I thought everyone knew that … it’s too obvious to bother denying that America is wholly the product of Old Emmerich’s brain droppings. Ah, Vattel, he passed too soon. The brilliance! The brilliance! The world will never know another.”

    — James Madison, Vattel: A President Remembers, 1821

  18. Rickey says:

    Speaking of faux quotes, Loren Collins wrote an interesting piece about a prominent faux quote in 2003 and 2004, with an update in 2009. You may have seen this phony quote on right wing websites.


  19. JPotter says:

    “He must have been insane to have written so.”

    —John Adams, 1801, regarding everything that would ever written by a birfer

  20. Benji Franklin says:

    “The Birthers, or natural-born idiots, are those born in the country, of parents who are both idiots.”

    Emerich de Vattel, The Loss of Nations

  21. Benji Franklin says:

    Benjamin Franklin responding to Orly Taitz’ screeched question, “What kind of governmeent allows thees vexatious defiendant, Obama the Usurpacious persecutorial deescretion to eegnore my home-baked new clear subpoenas?”

    “A Republic, Madam, if you can spell it!”

  22. Benji Franklin says:

    “The most insane Obama Conspiracy Theories, are those born anywhere of parents who are both Orly Taitz.”

    Emerich de Vattel, The Lost of Nations

  23. Benji Franklin says:

    “Birthers who are taught false lessons from history, are bound to repeat them”

    President Obama

  24. Andrew Vrba, PmG says:

    A two-for-one special!

    “Orly Taitz’s latest argument was so bad that it gave my polio lupus!”, Franklin D. Roosevelt

    “I’ve seen the future…Any country that spawns the like of birthers just isn’t worth it! lets tell the British that we’re really sorry, and that I personally will replace all that tea!”, George Washington

  25. Jim says:

    The Holy Bible: King James Version.

    32. And on the 7th day, God created birthers.

    33. And God said, Behold, I have created ignorant humor, to entertain the masses on their day of rest.

  26. Benji Franklin says:

    “Be careful what you screech for!”

    Unheeded closing line of 2002 Howard Taft Law School Commencement Address

  27. Andrew Vrba, PmG says:

    “Optimus Prime stole my bit! What NERVE!”, Teddy Roosevelt after watching the TF4 Superbowl trailer.

  28. aarrgghh says:

    “there’s a birfer pwned every minute.”

    pt barnum

  29. Jim says:

    “A birther and his money are soon parted” – Mike Zullo

    “We are all born ignorant, but birthers must work hard to remain stupid.” – Benjamin Franklin

    “I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of bigotry brought by the birthers.” – Thomas Jefferson

    “Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.” – George Washington commenting on birthers

    “A well-instructed people alone can debunk birther nonsense.” – James Madison

    “New Rule: Conspiracy theorists who are claiming that we didn’t really kill Bin Laden must be reminded that they didn’t think he did the crime in the first place. Come on, nutjobs, keep your bullshit straight: The towers were brought down in a controlled demolition by George W. Bush to distract attention from Hawaii, where CIA operatives were planting phony birth records so that a Kenyan named Barack Obama could someday rise to power and pretend to take out the guy we pretended took out the Towers. And I know that’s true because I just got it in an e-mail from Trump.”
    ― Bill Maher, The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass

  30. Benji Franklin says:

    “Believe a halfwit, and you’re halfway there!”

    Sheriff Joe’s praise for his Cold Case Posse’s lead investigator, Mike Zullo.

  31. Crustacean says:

    “The purpose of the MCSOCCP is to disrupt Barack Obama’s presidency, and it is immaterial whether facts exist to substantiate the charges. If facts are present it aids in the success of the proposal but the CCP feels that disruption can be accomplished without facts to back it up.”

    – Generalissimus Zullo

  32. Benji Franklin says:

    “My only regret is that I had but one unremarkable legal reputation to lose for my Birtherism.”

    Mario Apuzzo

  33. Benji Franklin says:

    Dr.Frankenstein verbally fencing with an angry torch-bearing mob of severely man-handled Taft Law School faculty members: “Well, at least I didn’t create an Orly Taitz Esquire!”

  34. Andrew Vrba, PmG says:

    “We have a better chance of seeing Half Life 3 being released in our lifetime, than Orly Taitz has of winning a single case.”, Winston Churchill

  35. Benji Franklin says:

    Winston Churchill’s dedication speech for the Obama Presidential Library:

    “Now this is not the end of the Birthers. It is not even the beginning of the end of the Birthers. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning Birthers!”

  36. Benji Franklin says:

    Orly Taitz, admonishing a collapsed unconscious bystander and both attendees at her record-setting Billion Birther March on Washington:

    “We have nothing to fear, except Spell-Check itself.

  37. justlw says:

    “Under no circumstances should it be believed that 14th Amendment citizens were intended to become President.”
    — Daniel Webster

  38. justlw says:

    “The 2nd Amendment is the bulwark freedom erects against the tyranny of the White House. I’m sorry, what was that, Aaron, what do you mean, ‘Are you read–‘”
    — Alexander Hamilton

  39. justlw says:

    “Let me finish!”
    — Norm Abram

  40. Lupin says:

    “In retrospect, my biggest mistake was sending Orly Taitz to Berlin to prevent the fall of the wall. She was an incompetent hag.”

    Vladimir Putin – My KGB Years.

  41. The Magic M says:

    “1. All white persons…”.

    Fourteenth Amendment, US Constitution, Birther Edition, 2008.

    “The United States will either be a white people’s country or will not be at all.”

    Jerome Corsi, Orly Taitz, Joseph Farah – The Birther Manifesto
    (bonus points to who knows whose quote this fake quote satirizes)

  42. justlw says:

    “I don’t understand why you keep taking out the part about birth certificates. I have a bad feeling about this.”
    — John Jay

  43. justlw says:

    — Roxy7655

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