In a stunning reversal the Obama Transition Team announced today that the controversial Hawaiian “long form” birth registration will be released on January 19 in a mass celebration of Obama’s natural born citizenship on the Washington Mall the day before the Inauguration. Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel said that the event may be the largest single gathering in the history of the Nation’s Capital. Emanuel added:
Because of the threats of blood in the streets, mutinies in the armed forces, and a continuing of stream of lawsuits against every act of government until the certificate is produced, an action that would cripple the Government in this critical time of economic crisis, the President-Elect has taken this unprecedented action to end the controversy once and for all. 10,000 certified copies of the document have been ordered from the Hawaii Department of Health, allowing easy viewing by each of the one million persons expected to addend the unveiling.
In a prepared statement President-Elect Barack Obama said:
My Fellow Americans (yes really), I want to take this opportunity to explain some of my actions, which may have seemed odd to my supporters, and suspicious to my critics, regarding the release of my Hawaiian Certificate of Live Birth. Only recently, I obtained a certified copy of the “vault record” from Hawaii and learned something that I did not know before, and that my mother never told me. I do not know the reasons for my mother’s silence.
The revelation that I am about to make now, I am assured by my attorney and advisers, has no bearing whatever on my qualifications to be President of the United States: I was indeed born in Honolulu Hawaii, I am at least 35 years old and I have lived as a resident of the United States for 14 years. The birth certificate which my staff provided to the Daily Kos web site is authentic, but contains corrections later added. According to my original birth certificate, my first name is “Alan” and I was born in 1963.
Impact Video will be providing 100 truck mounted “Jumbotron” screens to make it easier for the anticipated one million member crowd to get a closer view of the document. An unnamed Impact Video spokesman said that the company was pleased to get an order right now. “This made our year,” he said.
Long time Democratic backer George Soros donated the $40,006 in request fees to procure the documents from Hawaii. Hawaii Department of Health Director Dr. Chiyome Fukino said that that the department was very grateful for the windfall in fees in a tight budget year. “We’re going to use the revenue to buy a much-needed second laser printer and a new rubber stamp for Dr. Onaka.” She also expressed pleasure that her office would be able to get back to their real job instead of answering crank phone calls from birth certificate doubters. “And in any case,” she concluded, “we folks with funny names have to stick together.”
Hawaii Vital Statistics Director, Dr. Alvin Onaka is reported to be hospitalized for treatment of a stress-related repetitive motion injury received while signing the 10,000 certificates by hand. The Kapi’Olani Medical Center refused comment regarding Onaka’s condition citing federal privacy laws.
Philadelphia attorney, Philip J. Berg, who is suing Obama over a range of eligibility issues and who had previously stated that he would drop his suit if Obama provided proof of his natural born citizenship, stated that he would not be attending the certificate ceremony because “I’m making too much money on ObamaCrimes.com to drop the suit. So long as I don’t see the certificate, I can keep my word.”
Internet Powerhouse Andy Martin has filed suit in the Superior Court of Washington DC to halt the event. In his brief, Martin stated that it was his intention to write articles about why Obama should release the certificate. The move by Obama to release the document was against the “direct and tangible interests” of Martin to continue in his occupation as critic of Obama’s documentation. When contacted by reporters, Martin angrily quipped, “he’s still a Muslim.”
Leo C. Donofrio, on Plains Radio, told his supporters that the problems they may have had accessing his Natural Born Citizen web site were not due to any conspiracy, but that a chain email, mentioning his site as the place to get tickets for the certificate ceremony, resulted so many hits on his web site that the server was overwhelmed. Donofrio stated that “wordpress.com is working to move Natural Born Citizen to a new and larger server”.