Birther Burma-Shave contest

Inspired by a comment from Curious George, I’m holding a contest for the best birther themed Burma-Shave ad. In the United States between 1925 and 1963, the Burma-Shave brushless shaving cream product was advertised with signs on US Highways. Each sign had a part of a pithy 4-5 line poem poem, followed by the final sign saying “Burma-Shave.”

Here’s an adaptation from a sign I remember from my youth:

In this world
Of toil and sin
The birthers sue
But Never Win

So let’s see your ideas!

1The original version of that poem ended:

Your hair grows bald
But not your chin

About Dr. Conspiracy

I'm not a real doctor, but I have a master's degree.
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44 Responses to Birther Burma-Shave contest

  1. Curious George says:

    Vogt ought not to pout
    about this birther drought
    as Vogt prepares
    for the next legal bout.
    Burma Shave

  2. Andrew Vrba, PmG says:

    Any day now.
    Wait and see.
    We’ll get Obama.
    Any day. now.
    Burma Shave.

  3. Bob says:

    It’s the Negro
    The Birthers fear
    They hope he’ll go
    Because of a silly smear
    Burma Shave™

  4. Curious George says:

    Case dismissed!
    The Birther twits,
    They’ll have a fit.

  5. Bob says:

    With apologies to William Blake:

    Birther, Birther growing dim
    Their future looking grim
    What immortal hand or eye
    Could frame thy fearful bigotry?
    Burma Shave

  6. Monkey Boy says:

    I distinctly remember something about “if your can is to small, try ours” with a model displaying a David-Farrar-sized derriere alongside a can of shaving cream.

    OK, that was an exaggeration, but it was BIG.

  7. aarrgghh says:

    if at first
    you don’t succeed
    just file another
    birfer screed
    burma shave

  8. Rickey says:

    Here goes nothing:

    Success shall come
    To she who waits
    Unless her name
    Is Orly Taitz
    Burma Shave

  9. Jim says:

    Foamy Mouths

  10. Curious George says:

    The Birthers always blame Dr C
    For pointing out their fallacies
    Zullo, Corsi, Gillar and Gallups,
    Always end up looking
    Like sautéed scallops.
    Truth is on Dr. C’s side,
    Birthers sadly can only lie.


  11. aarrgghh says:

    pleeze to cleek
    my paypal leenk
    my leegle zankshuns
    shure aint cheep
    burma shave

  12. katahdin says:

    Birthers pinch their withered cheeks

    Of Cheetos and stale beer they reek

    As they pass their lies most foul

    From knave to knave—

    Burma Shave.

  13. Paper says:

    Obama, Obama, wherefore art thou, Obama?
    Deny thy father and refuse your name!
    But if not, show me your birth certificate,
    And nonetheless a birther I will remain!

    Burma Shave

  14. JPotter says:

    The President is black—
    No way you say!
    Can’t send him back,
    He’s here to stay 🙂

    @Birfer Slaves

  15. Paper says:


    so much depends

    a “forged”
    birth certificate

    glazed with bull

    in the minds of white

    Burma Shave

  16. G says:

    ROTFLMAO!!! I always love reading these types of threads from you folks. Kudos, to all. 🙂

  17. Benji Franklin says:

    I struggled to find a way to literally co-join the pathetic spectacle of Birtherism to the fondly remembered, charming iconic signage of a that shaving product, until I happened to remember that it was a product designed to shave WHISKERS AWAY!

    Orly’s empty Suit
    Could never win the day
    When any empty chair could
    Whisk her’s away!
    Burma Shave

  18. ZixiOfIx says:

    Are they crazy?
    Calls of treason!
    Birthers just won’t
    To reason

    Burma Shave

  19. aarrgghh says:

    oh no the darkie
    won the race
    we wont fergit
    that aint his place
    burma shave

    When it comes
    To PDF’s
    Scan to Email
    Is the best

    On birther blogs
    Obscene and fecal
    Their words opined
    Are barely legal.

    The old doc
    In hat and beard
    To birther lies
    He is
    Most Feared

  23. Curious George says:

    When the IRS comes a knockin’

    Those aspirins Z will be a poppin’

    “But we’re a non-profit charity!” Z retorts.

    The G-man’s reply, “We still wants those 990 reports!”


  24. Or even better:

    When it comes
    To PDF’s
    Scan to Email
    Is Zebest

    Dr. Conspiracy:

    When it comes
    To PDF’s
    Scan to Email
    Is the best

  25. Curious George says:

    Reality Check:

    Too funny!

  26. JPotter says:


    If words Vattel
    You would abuse
    There is no bat-tel
    You cannot lose

    @Putzie Knave


    If words Vattel
    You must spin
    Cease your prattle
    You did not win

    @Putzie Knave

  27. aarrgghh says:

    one honest judge
    will heed our voice
    and overthrow
    the people’s choice
    burma shave

  28. Arthur says:

    They love to curse
    And won’t be hushed
    These birthers make
    A sailor blush.

    Oburma Shave.

  29. JPotter says:


    Endless denial
    Will not stop
    Birfer skulls
    From going *pop*

    Obama saves 😉

  30. Paper says:

    I am a good person.
    I am a good person.
    I am a good person.
    (Obama is bad!)

    -Birther Shave

  31. Carl Frosty says:

    LFBC, SSN,
    Birthers relish drama.
    Thank God that We,
    Have Dr. C,
    He’s as smart and honest as Obama!

    Bonsall Obot
    Carl Frosty
    Proud Obot
    Big Broverment
    Birther Treat
    Nora Desmond
    Rene Magritte
    Impartial Observer
    Mr. Fixit
    Julius B Censor
    The Riddler
    Watch the Road

    Carl Frosty:
    LFBC, SSN,
    Birthers relish drama.
    Thank God that We,
    Have Dr. C,
    He’s as smart and honest as Obama!

  33. Carl Frosty says:

    Heaven knows
    obama’s foes’
    actions do displease us.

    But you and me
    and Dr. C.
    leave judging up to Jesus.

  34. jdkinpa says:

    When I’ve nothing better to do

    I click on over to Doc C’s to view

    The latest nonsense from the Birther crew

    I’m never disappointed for the laugh I crave

    They’re OH so predictable, Burma-Shave

  35. Curious George says:

    The new American Revolution starts tomorrow,

    When Klayman, with his two fans arrive,

    They will only be met with a sense of sorrow.

    But none will know of this sad non-event.

    FALCON will will fuss and fume,

    And he will surely vent.

    But don’t expect to read about it

    At ORYR anytime soon,

    The truth would simply ruffle his plume,

    And give the Birfers a sense of doom.


  36. aarrgghh says:

    whitebread mom
    not good enough
    but f*ck it cruz
    got the right stuff
    burma shave

  37. aarrgghh says:

    they aint valid
    barry’s creds
    not since i went
    off my meds
    burma shave

  38. The Magic M says:

    I liked the Zen Koan contest better. Did we do limericks yet?

  39. The Magic M says:

    Dr. Conspiracy: Yes

    That must’ve been before my time here. Thanks for all the references. 🙂

  40. What was really interesting was that Orly Taitz contributed a Haiku (that had the wrong number of syllables) and Mario Apuzzo left a limerick (that didn’t rhyme).

    The irony, priceless.

    The Magic M: That must’ve been before my time here. Thanks for all the references

  41. Birfoon Rebirf says:

    The reason the vault copy’s hid,
    no access you can get,
    is once it’s shown then dr. c.
    will lose his raison d’etre.

  42. justlw says:

    “Birfoon Rebirf” spelled backwards is “Friber Noofrib.”

    (Oops, wrong retro ad campaign)

  43. justlw says:

    If marchers on
    the road you see
    “A million”‘s prolly
    Twenty three

    Occam Shave

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